100 feet platform shoes

An exciting invention has just come to light in the recently discovered archive of the 5th Baron de Mibou-Langer who died an untimely death exactly one hundred and fifty years ago this week.

It seems that the Baron, a noted inventor, was attempting to devise a way of safely surviving a planned, although unwelcome, exit from a hot air balloon.

The Baron’s invention consisted of a pair of stout, leather shoes with soles approximately 100 feet high. The composition of the soles is somewhat of a mystery as no illustrations have survived. There is evidence however that the Baron’s links to the family publishing business allowed him to use tightly crumpled paper and cardboard.

The Baron calculated that a body falling at 50 metres per second (approximately 120 miles per hour) slowed at a constant rate to come to rest after 30 metres (approximately 100 feet) would experience a deceleration of 5 times the Earth’s gravitational attraction. The Baron’s reasoning was that this was eminently survivable.

The Baron’s records show several successes of gradually increasing ambitiousness. Indeed, he quickly learned to employ an umbrella to keep him upright during the descent to prevent the soles from wavering from vertical. Following some of the descents, the Baron noted that the shoes with compressed soles could still be used. It is ironic to note that the Baron probably missed inventing platform soles.

It was however on the last and most ambitious descent that the drogue umbrella was to be his undoing. Witnesses describe how the speed of descent was too great, the umbrella shattered, instability set in and the unfortunate Baron was propelled head first into soft ground with perhaps two thirds of the shoes protruding from the ground.

The finder of the archive, Mme Chopine, a descendent of the Baron, hopes that technologies today will enable a modern day inventor to develop the invention further and perhaps benefit mankind.