The paino is like a normal piano only much more critical. Driven by the same algorithms as the Music Genome Project it 'listens' to your playing and analyses it, looking mainly for rhythm and harmony. When it hears sustained cacophony it swiftly slams the lid shut on the player's hands.

Useful both for pubs where drinkers suddenly develop the belief that they are the new Chas 'n Dave after the fifth pint and for homes where children think hammering on the keys with their fists is fun for the whole family and not at all bad for the piano.

A more discerning model which can be set to punish the player for confusing "allegro" with "allegretto" is being developed for sadistic piano teachers (i.e. most of them).

The only downside is that you can safely play neither Schoenberg nor free jazz. Well, more of a side-effect than a downside.
-- wagster, Oct 28 2009

Better if it dragged you in, crunched you up and made a satisfied 'burp' sound. [+]
-- pocmloc, Oct 28 2009


You could simply outfit a piano to detect abusive play and unharmingly close thereafter. Your halfbaked version is good too +

the above anno explicates the psychopath version, and it's also pretty good.
-- daseva, Oct 28 2009


Could be used in concert with an "Oh!boe" and "Cell-ow!"...
-- Jinbish, Oct 28 2009


Add a little shock when the pedals are pushed, for those of us with a more discerning palate, por favor el maestro?
-- blissmiss, Oct 28 2009


Little? I fear your palate is too discerning for this device. I quite like [pocmloc]'s approach, mind you.
-- wagster, Oct 28 2009


Nothing good can come from clamping the pianist.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Oct 29 2009


Do the pedals also give them a good kick in the shins? Extra croissant for that!
-- xenzag, Oct 29 2009


The violin in this range of musical instruments doesn't make any sound at all, the logic being that if you're learning the violin the sound will be too ghastly to be heard by anyone and if you're good at playing the violin, you'll have your own violin and can use that.
-- hippo, Oct 29 2009


Actors who have to pretend to play the violin put water on their bows to play silently - works a treat.
-- wagster, Oct 29 2009



random, halfbakery