Looks like a normal clock, perhaps a little gaudy but otherwise harmless in appearance. Every hour a mis-shapen dwarf -like creature shoots out of a portal and delivers a puerile one-word insult. At random intervals and for no apparent reason, the creature re-appears and launches into a complete rant about nothing in particular.

On the deluxe version, the feature can be turned off if required, via an infra red remote switch in the form of a 12-bore shotgun, to the accompaniment of a large gout of blue and purple flame and an enormous bang. Only works once.

Thanks to [UB] for unwitting inspiration.
-- egbert, Jan 17 2003

I'll take a full case, and two boxes of shotgun shells.
-- 8th of 7, Jan 17 2003


I want one. As long as you can shut it up at night. How would you ensure a good variety of rants? Perhaps it could have an internet connection to download editorials from right-wing newspaper columnists.
-- kropotkin, Jan 17 2003


A cuckoo clock with tourette's syndrome? I want one!
-- X2Entendre, Jan 17 2003


What? No dwarf tossing?
-- barnzenen, Jan 17 2003


No, no, it's a troll, not an owl!
-- egbert, Jan 17 2003


Mmm...Milk...slice of bread, anyone?
-- talen, Jan 20 2003



random, halfbakery