So I told my friend that if you put an egg in the microwave it'd explode, so she did and her house smelled like cooked egg for hours.

The worst dream I ever had was ten seconds long: I got up, walked to the bathroom, picked up my toothbrush, unscrewed the toothpaste cap, and dropped it down the sink. Piss.

Once I tried brushing my tongue because I heard it was good for you. I gagged and coughed acid all over my teeth.

So this one time I was drinking a glass of milk and my sister made me laugh and it came out of my nose back into the glass and I drank it a second time.