i recently saw "once upon a time in mexico." the movie itself was fine, however, i had the misfortune of being seated directly in front of two jamaican ladies who only ceased their loud chatter after i turned around, mid-film, to tell them to keep it down. their reply was a mix of "pffffffss" and "ohnomanhedint" and "uhuhuhuh." however, they shut up afterwards and fortunately, i enjoyed the remainder of the movie in relative peace.

for those of us less stout of heart, this invention comes into play. a small LED connected to a bandpass filter of some sort (to distinguish b/w film noise/speech and jackasses chatting behind you) which emits a tiny light (perhaps different colors of light for varying degrees of loudness) to let both the clowns behind you and those besides them that someone's getting a little bit loud.

alternatively, movie theaters can install these in the back of the theater seats, perhaps spaced apart every 3-5 seats or so. it can become a standard...or something.

edit: comes in two versions, automatic or manual trigger
-- screwtape, Sep 14 2003

It would be cool if 1) the light shone directly in the malefactors' eyes and 2) they couldn't tell who initated it (to avoid possible retaliatory action).
-- snarfyguy, Sep 14 2003


//It would be cool if 1) the light shone directly in the malefactors' eyes and 2) they couldn't tell who initated it (to avoid possible retaliatory action).//

i was thinking the same thing - but i don't think the technology's out there to match eye w/ voice print. however, if it's understood (and it should be) that the LED is automatic - that is, it goes off whenever the chatter exceeds a certain threshold - what is there to retaliate against? the LED for letting the jackass(es) know they're jackasses?
-- screwtape, Sep 14 2003


Just bring a cattle prod with you to the theatre.... BZZZZZTTT!
-- Cedar Park, Sep 14 2003


//i was thinking the same thing - but i don't think the technology's out there to match eye w/ voice print. however, if it's understood (and it should be) that the LED is automatic - that is, it goes off whenever the chatter exceeds a certain threshold - what is there to retaliate against? the LED for letting the jackass(es) know they're jackasses? //

I was imagining it would be activated by the aggrieved party, rather than automatically. Perhaps I misunderstood.
-- snarfyguy, Sep 14 2003


need this for drunk friends at parties ... how about a larger-scale sensor that would indicate if the noise in and apartment or house was above tolerable for the neighbors ... perhapse cut-down on police complaints
-- Letsbuildafort, Sep 14 2003


You could bring along a pair of inflatable ear trumpets that would improve your listening pleasure and block their view.
-- FarmerJohn, Sep 14 2003


I'd like them in buses. I was recently sitting in front of a girl who had one of those mobile phones that you can download MP3s onto. Unfortunately she only had one (really awful) song on her phone and very tinny earphones. Listening to the same song played loudly over and over again nearly drove me insane.
-- madradish, Sep 14 2003


replace LED with, hmmm, a laser. the type they use to remove tatoo's so it will burn the skin. that will really get their attention, a little light wont.
-- HalfwayHebrew, Sep 14 2003


//I really hate not being able to talk during movies, probably as much as people hate people talking during movies.//

heh. conversation is bearable as long as it's inaudible. in other words, just whisper!

these girls sitting behind me were ridiculous. they shouted/screamed EXTREMELY loudly at any remotely surprising/extreme moment (e.g., explosion, gunshot, dog on the screen). they also repeatedly asked one another "whoisdat" pretty much every 3 minutes during the first half of the movie. basically, every time a character changed ANYTHING about themselves (attire, voice, weapon), they got confused and conversed with one another. it was rough.
-- screwtape, Sep 14 2003


Just need one low power lazer located in the middle of the ceiling, computer detects seat of annnoyance and focuses beam on offender until it is stopped. No one else would see the beam.
-- zig, Sep 14 2003


"conversation is bearable as long as it's inaudible. in other words, just whisper!"

NO! Watching a movie is a non interactive event, and there should be no talking whatsoever (unless the movie is particularly bad, then snide comments are allowed)!

I know how to get around this problem though. Always go to the cinema alone, and always during the day. Been doing this for a few years now, and haven't looked back. I've only ever had to share the room with at most sixteen quiet like minded people.
-- RoboBust, Sep 15 2003


I wish we had one of these for both my mom as well as my mother-in-law.
-- katz, Sep 15 2003


//always during the day//
SHHH!! Quiet, Robob!
Well, as long as the secret's out, Sunday evening shows are often unpopulated, too.

The matinee on the day a film’s released is my favorite. It’s in the big theater with the best sound and pristine picture, and nobody’s there. If I want to hear or produce heckling or jabbering, I rent the DVD later.
However, if people who haven’t seen the film are discussing the current scene, sometimes I overhear an interpretation I wouldn’t have noticed. Occasionally someone behind me is emotionally “into” the story line and reacting honestly, adding to a touching dramatic moment. But more often, I wish they’d just zip it.
-- Amos Kito, Sep 15 2003


In Jamyaiaca we hav da eejection seaht mon. Da teater's can myake no money fuh da bingi witout em an das no lai! If ya won gwo see da pyictyahs wit no eejection seahts ya ghonn hav gwo to da bingi suhb-herbs man.
-- Zimmy, Sep 15 2003


// NO! Watching a movie is a non interactive event, and there should be no talking whatsoever (unless the movie is particularly bad, then snide comments are allowed)! //

if a tree falls in the forest...
-- screwtape, Sep 15 2003


Hmm...and perhaps a more generalized device with a larger display that one can wear all the time to instruct people on how to address you. For example, "Please stop spitting at me." Or even, "Look at me when I'm talking to you." Or, for the women, "Please stop staring at my cleavage."
-- knightofni, Sep 15 2003


The idea seems good, but instead of a light a metal spike should be installed in the bottom of the seat and when they make too much noise....
-- familyslipper, Sep 15 2003


I think a similar device would do well on cell phones, though for a different reason. It seems that many people think that while on a cell phone they need to yell to be heard, and it drives me nuts. I guess an LED wouldn't work to well, but maybe a discrete beep in the loud-talkers ear could tell them to tone it down bit so the person on the other end can hear something more distinct than a subway announcement. But, uhhh, on topic I agree. No talking at movies. If you want to do something social, go bowling or something. Also maybe it could have a "get your feet the hell off the back of my chair" sign/shoe melting device.
-- notme, Sep 15 2003


I have a theory there is some sort of evil ring that is speculating on LED futures, that is sponsoring all these LED-based ideas. (Black helicopters not included).
-- krelnik, Sep 15 2003


[screwtape] perhaps your next invention should be a foot from mouth removal device.
-- nichpo, Sep 16 2003


<encripted conversation over untraceable lines>This [krelnik] knows too much. Terminate him!</encripted conversation over untraceable lines>
-- PauloSargaco, Sep 16 2003


I was going to post a link to the Theater Sniper idea but it appears to have been rubbed out. Anyhow, I guess that that's not the kind of LEAD that you're talking about, right?

(Hey, zippy!)
-- DrBob, Sep 16 2003


oh wait - this is the guy who created this place? that's pretty wild. [above comment retracted]. heh
-- screwtape, Sep 16 2003


[-] rant.
-- oxen crossing, Sep 16 2003


My LED went off 'cause Phoenix's LED went off because of your LED which was set up to go off 'cause someone was talking during a movie. Are you still at the movie, can I shut these off now?

Hold the phones! I'm getting read out from this other device here. You said what to Jutta? Oh. Oh, I see! Uh huh. Nope, this doesn't look good. Others got this message too. See, Jutta is mostly harmless. But I can't say the same for the crowd of regulars by her side. They have an affinity for trebuchets, custard, rocket propelled cats and bizarre metaphors. I don't know what that would make but it will have a French name and you won't want to be in it. :)
-- sartep, Sep 16 2003


// [marked-for-deletion] Rant: "I hate it when people talk so loud in theatres." //

are you kidding me? this is a legitimate idea and a legitimate embodiment - an apparatus to let people know when they're speaking beyond a certain threshold of intolerability. like i said, it could simply be installed in the back of theater seats, use a very simple bandpass filter, and would avoid the air of confrontationalism since it's a very neutral, very simple device.

don't accuse the invention of being a "rant" merely because the annotations took off on that theme
-- screwtape, Sep 16 2003


jutta - gotcha; this idea (like many) was borne out of a common problem. i agree that there exists a whole range of problems which could be dealt with in the manner you suggested (LED) but there's still room for novelty. here, for example, the novelty comes into play in two ways: the placement of the LED in such an environment, and the way it functions. as one comment suggested, i could have made it wholly manual - as in everyone operates it. but i think the automatic embodiment is a neat little idea that maybe, just maybe, a theater out there would be interested in. it's totally innocuous, but to the majority of people out there (like me and many of my friends) who occasionally talk during movies (whisper), it'd be a godsend...because it would both a) alert me, personally, if i'm getting too loud, and b) give me the piece of mind that i don't have to turn around and tell the fools behind me to pipe down. in other words, it provides a primary layer of notification/defense - it would resolve most instances of 'talking too loud' without necessitating the oftentimes awkward confrontation.
-- screwtape, Sep 16 2003


How about bringing to the theater a laser display that projects onto the movie screen a big red message like, "SHUT IT, JACKASS". This way, the source of the complaint is unknown for retaliation, plus now everyone in the theater is aware of their jackassery. Hopefully very embarrassing for the offender.
-- jivetalkinrobot, Sep 16 2003


[jive], Lets make it a slightly more powerful laser, powerful enough to burn "SHUT IT, JACKASS" into the projection screen, so that nobody will forget the jackassery, at least not for another 90 minutes or so.
-- Laughs Last, Sep 16 2003


oxencrossing - i hope you read my annotation addressed to jutta. in any event, your 'explanation' leaves much to be desired and is, plain and simple CORNY. not worth my time to argue with you or attempt to 'contribute' to this community. you're obviously convinced this is predictable and derivative (despite failure to explain how beyond the snide ad hominem attack), and i'm thoroughly convinced it is not. it's not a "rant pure and simple" because obviously i don't really give a shit if people talk behind me. i just give them their 3 strikes, then turn around and tell them to shut up.

what's with mods anyway? i've yet to come across a mod that doesn't get off on exerting their lameass 'mod powers' to the slight annoyance of posters. i guess viewed cumulatively, over many, many such corny interactions, you must extrude a scintilla of 'joy' from it, but i think in the long run it does more damage to the community than good. now if you were paying attention, you'll see that ^that^ was a rant.

anyway, oxen crossing is a deluxe loser.
-- screwtape, Sep 16 2003


This isn't the treatment that newbies get around here it's the way that newbies react to how everyone get annotated.

The only mod you would have met on this thread would have been Jutta.
-- sartep, Sep 16 2003


I fishboned this because -
The majority of the idea description was a rant.
I was feeling cranky and the rant had a slightly racial slant, which is unecessary, and made me more cranky.
And also how does the LED stop people talking? The sort of people who talk in cinemas do so because they have no idea that there exists other poeple in the world apart from themselves. How are they going to notice a small LED ?
-- nichpo, Sep 17 2003


No Oxen. If you feel that it is a rant then you are fully in the right to mfd it. Mfd is just an alert. Jutta or any of the 'mods' then come along and see if the mfd is justified. I have had a couple of my ideas deleted, some have stayed and still have the mfd and some I deleted outright.

It's no big deal if it is mfd'd. It's not usu a personal attack on anyone. Not everything we create here is a gem (with the exception of Lostdog but he is an evil super- genius and many people are scared of him. When I find his secret lair, I will be able to repair my ship and go home. First, I have to get past his nanite security system. Now you all know the truth.)
-- sartep, Sep 17 2003


This shouldn't be mfd as it's a perfectly valid, if not a bit lackluster, invention idea.  [oxen crossing], if you'd be so kind as to delete your mfd tag, please.

PS I am one of those lameass mods, [screwtape].
-- bristolz, Sep 29 2003


Hi screwtape, sorry to get off the topic.. but do you come from a land down under?
-- madradish, Sep 29 2003



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