Do you ever think of what you should have said, two days after you've been reduced to murmuring some nonsense as you skulked away? Prepare your children for these moments that are bound to come later in life with snappy comeback flashcards. They'll never be caught off guard, stammering through an embarrasing confrontation.
-- hard-scrabble, Nov 21 2002

Or try our service... http://www.halfbake...20Personal_20CapCom
We have an on-staff comedy writer that can supply them on the fly [krelnik, Oct 04 2004]

Dozens http://www.online-magazine.com/snaps.htm
Incubator for trial lawyers. [ty6, Oct 04 2004]

A book of snaps http://www.amazon.c...dos/ASIN/0688128963
[dalek, Oct 04 2004]

Date Teleprompter http://www.halfbake...Date_20Teleprompter
What this idea reminds me of. [phoenix, Oct 04 2004]

Comeback Generator http://www.halfbake...omeback_20Generator
Uses a HUD and/or earpiece. [phoenix, Oct 04 2004]

Comeback Courier http://www.halfbake.../Comeback_20Courier
Third person version. [phoenix, Oct 04 2004]

In my experience with children, they are always prepared with a snappy comeback. It's the adults you should be marketing to. (I'd certainly go for this, maybe as a PDA program.)
-- dalek, Nov 21 2002


I've spent the last 5 years trying to eliminate those snappy comebacks, after alienating most people I ever met. I'm not sure snappiness is something you can learn, it is instinctual.
-- rbl, Nov 21 2002


//Do you ever think of what you should have said, two days after you've been reduced to murmuring some nonsense as you skulked away?// - Yes - only on Monday a situation arose.

With swearing, or without?
-- Parvenu, Nov 21 2002


My boss is convinced that, in the long run, snappy comebacks do more to injure you then the person you are making the comeback to. He thinks that it hurts your credibility and reduces the chances that people will ask you questions or even interact with you at all. He says, "I mean, why would they want to deal with a person who seems to always be prepared to make a fool of them?"
-- bristolz, Nov 21 2002


Did you think of a snappy comeback?
-- st3f, Nov 21 2002


bz, my point exactly, so do we want to teach our kids how to do this?
-- rbl, Nov 21 2002


So, after his lecture, I now just kiss everyone full on the lips. I'm sure he'll lecture me about that, too.
-- bristolz, Nov 21 2002


i'm certain the men in your office are not ones to complain.......
-- rbl, Nov 21 2002


I was witness to a basketball practice, in which a fellow high schooler was getting a bit of hassle. He yelled, "Eat my pussy!" & still hasn't lived it down after 25 years.
-- thumbwax, Nov 21 2002


Funny thing, but bristolz's and waugsqueke's respective responses to this idea do not surprise me in the slightest.
-- DrCurry, Nov 21 2002


but mine will - its my opinion that these cards will lead to an increase in cliches
-- po, Nov 21 2002


Its in my opinion-replace words with numbers acting as a annotational scoreing system.
-- skinflaps, Nov 21 2002


like 10 - 10
-- po, Nov 21 2002


you see it works,i will now raise my 7 flashcard.
-- skinflaps, Nov 21 2002


we playing poker? not sure of the rules. last time I played - it was canasta
-- po, Nov 21 2002


8
-- krelnik, Nov 21 2002


Oh dear....
-- skinflaps, Nov 21 2002


skinny, how many times have I told you not to gamble away your pocket money?
-- po, Nov 21 2002


Used to be a game called 'Dozens' played by the boys in the hood, might still be around or supplanted by rap contests. Basicially you just bust peoples chops and anything is fair game. "Nice shirt, get it from your mother?" " Your mother's shirts have big Xs on them, so the helicopters know where to land." The first one without a snappy comeback loses. Don't know the origin of the word dozens, maybe it means I got dozens my man, dozens. [link]
-- ty6, Nov 21 2002


6
-- skinflaps, Nov 21 2002


Go fish.
-- snarfyguy, Nov 21 2002


I think this was baked in the Seventies.

I grew up in a city where the car was (and still is) God. The unusually high concentration of anger in the air of the place was largely due to the way people behaved when behind the steering wheels of their cars. Some brilliant person, seizing upon the driver's obvious need to take revenge on those who pissed him off during the daily commute, created a kind of ping-pong paddle with flipcards attached to it. The cards, which were all the same size and shape of the paddle, had a variety of sayings on them: "Yeah, But You're a Jerk"; "Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth?"; and "Your Car's a Pile and So Are You" were among the more memorable of these flipcards.

I was twelve when I picked up this paddle for the first time, in a gifts-and-notions store near my parents' house. I marveled at the simple elegance of this device, but said elegance was lost on my peace-loving parents. They refused to buy it.

In the end, I was only allowed to "visit" the Insult Paddle from time to time. This was fine; I learned quite a few witty comebacks from it. I remember the first time I asked the eighth-grade bully if he kissed his mother with that mouth. He looked as if he might burst into tears.

The Pet Rock might never come back, but this is one invention that probably should. Croissant.
-- 1percent, Nov 21 2002


ty6 - find a good book on Blues Music History at your library - you'll be clued in as to the earliest references to Dirty Dozens, recorded and otherwise. Also quite interesting in use of numbers in song.
-- thumbwax, Nov 22 2002


I've heard the game mentioned by ty6 called "snaps" too. There was actually a T.V. show of the same name on a few years ago. Short lived though it was, it was pretty funny. Basically several budding comedians, some of which have gone on to bigger things, standing on stage and insulting each other. "Your Mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles traffic slows down"
-- hard-scrabble, Nov 22 2002


Hey Thumb, if you know, clue me in, save a whole lotta time.
-- ty6, Nov 22 2002


Depending ofn who you ask, Playing the Dozens either originated during the era of US slavery or during the late middle-age. US slaves often played the Dozens to try to brighten desparate times, as did the late middle age proletariate--celebrations of the carnivalesque often included swearing and insult matches--and we can't forget about Punch.

All new teachers should have a stack of these flashcards--it would shorten the few smester's time it often takes to develop the ability to respond and retort quickly.

[ty6] Instead of "blues," try searching for "blue music," the term often used to signify raucous music.
-- 1kester, Nov 22 2002


Dan Burley, "The Dirty Dozen," The Citizen Call, 30 July, 1960, in Hughes, The Book of Negro Humor, pp. 119-21, at 120-21. According to Burley, black field hands used the verbal assault of "The Dozens" against the favored house slaves in lieu of physical attack. The name "Dozens," he says, became attached to the practice of vilifying one's relatives and ancestors when an anonymous "blues pianist and singer composed an uncopyrighted tune called The Dirty Dozen,' complete with words, which because of their very nature never got on paper. But at barrel-house and buffet flat-house rent parties The Dirty Dozens' became the rage" (pp. 120-21). Abrahams says various researchers have suggested the name may refer to: twelve scatological rhymes mothers used; unlucky twelve in craps; a corruption of "doesn't" ("at least my mother doesn't"); or from eighteenth-century definitions of "dozen" meaning "to stun, stupefy, daze" (Deep Down in the South, pp. 49-50, note 5).
-- thumbwax, Nov 23 2002


Ask, and you shall recieve.
-- ty6, Nov 23 2002


Choose your next witticism carefully, Mr. Bond: it may be your last.
-- Parvenu, Nov 24 2002


Calvin and Hobbes ponder the "witty comeback" dilemma:

'What if someone calls us "a pair o' pathetic peripatetics"?'
'I've never heard of someone taking the time to rhyme wierd insults.'
'But shouldn't we have a ready retort?'
-- friendlyfire, Nov 24 2002



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