this photocopier has a bottom drawer with a difference - instead of it being loaded with paper, it is full of little ragdolls; each ragdoll resembles very slightly a member of staff and contains a small item personal to that person e.g. a lock of hair or a toe clipping obtained at the job interview.

the dolls are laid out neatly in rows and electronically attached to the machine and linked to the identifying pin number entered at the start of each photocopying session.

should the photocopier jam, the operator must attempt to clear the jam and not proceed to walk stealthily away, whistling nonchalantly as these nefarious characters are prone to do. No, they must make a fair fist of clearing the jam or at the very least, confess their predicament to someone with the authority to ring for an engineer or who is equipped with a pair of tweezers.

on jamming, this photocopier starts a countdown of a duration as specified by the person who set up the copier’s parameters probably the same person who knows the engineer’s number and/or possesses the office tweezers. the countdown will be displayed on the copier’s counter.

anyway, if the countdown finishes before any unjamming manoeuvres are attempted or before the tweezer-wielding office mechanic type person presses the ‘abort’ button then the copier’s back-up mechanism will unceremoniously – no, sod that, a nice trumpet fanfare will herald the delivery of several staples into the soft centre of the appropriate voodoo doll.
-- po, Nov 22 2005

Ouch! Ouch ! Ouch! [flings open doors and begins hunting for crumpled paper]
-- normzone, Nov 22 2005


Nice, [po]. I'd be very wary of going back after the job interview, though. I thought he was just going to shake my hand...
-- moomintroll, Nov 22 2005


I would request that my voodoo doll has fabulous abs (like me) and not a soft centre. Also, my Voodoo doll is tall, wealthy, and likes long romantic walks in the park.
-- sleeka, Nov 22 2005


Will we recognize it as yours, [sleeka]? Be honest.
-- moomintroll, Nov 22 2005


[sleeka] hold still! - STAPLER - Bang!
-- po, Nov 22 2005


I have an ISO auditor in the house today, and everywhere I go printers and copy machines jam at critical junctures.
-- normzone, Nov 22 2005


You, um, run a photocopy shop in your house?!
-- DrCurry, Nov 23 2005


<Man limps home: clothes torn, blood running down face from two puncture wounds>
"They're not using recycled paper, again, are they?"
-- Ling, Nov 23 2005


Ewww!
-- The Kat, Nov 23 2005


[moomintroll] nope, you would never know it was me. Where is the HB Personals section, anyway?
-- sleeka, Nov 24 2005


Also excellent for identifying who takes the last cup of coffee without refilling/finishes the water cooler bottle without replacing...
-- rubyminky, Nov 24 2005


ruby! quite right. the bastard...

this is not a rant - o.k.?
-- po, Nov 24 2005


[po], it is somewhat. But it is also very very good, so I wouldn't worry about it.
-- hidden truths, Nov 24 2005


//a lock of hair or a toe clipping obtained at the job interview// - I hope that I never have to have an interview where you work.
-- wagster, Nov 24 2005


This could work.

The dolls are bluetooth enabled and issued to the lusers at the interview.

They have to carry the dolls next to their person (skin) all the time at work.

In the circumstances enumerated in the last paragraph, the voodoo doll gets the nudge from the photocopier and ejects several staples in the direction of the said person.
-- neelandan, Nov 25 2005


toe nail clippings in an interview?!?

'Hi i'm here for the position that was advertised. I think I meet the requirements - now let's see - lock of hair, toe nail clippings, dead skin cells. Yep, i'm good to go!'
-- gorjabuble, Nov 25 2005


//toe nail clippings in an interview?!?// you have a problem with this?
-- po, Nov 26 2005



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