The Leader has had a bad year. Polls are at an all time low. And today is Shoot The Leader Day. It's part of the Law of the Land.

Once a year it's OK to shoot the Leader. Naturally, certain restrictions apply. People have been known to stand in line for a month, as Shoot The Leader Day approaches. "Day" is strictly interpreted as being the period between sunrise and sunset, see, so the number of people who can actually get a shot off is limited.

Duty calls, and the sun is at the horizon. The Leader dons a steel breastplate and an outer Kevlar vest, and then steps out onto the almost-completely-protected balcony. The bulletproof glass barrier has a 5-centimeter hole in it, and sitting in front of the hole is required. The chair, of course, is actually a "restroom throne", and quite comfortable, and a supply of drinking water is readily available. The Leader must remain seated until sunset. No matter how many hours until then, it's going to seem like a long day.

Fifty meters away, the first twenty-five members of the Angry Public begin to file into the shootists' area. Each has been carefully searched to ensure only the weapons issued to them are used. Each weapon is a simple single-shot .22 caliber rifle, with one medium-velocity round of ordinary lead. There is a high wall of thick glass blocks, to ensure nobody gets closer than fifty meters before firing. The wall, of course, has numerous smallish openings at various appropriate heights, through which shooting might be done.

At fifty meters, the average person will probably miss the 5-centimeter area through which The Leader may be shot. Some people have waited a month to Make that single shot, and didn't get any practice while doing so. Each person in the group of twenty-five only has five minutes to select a position, aim, and shoot.

The shooting begins. The Leader spends the day gauging the accuracy of fire, and comparing it to policies enacted during the prior year. Some of the people out there actually support The Leader's policies. They have taken places in line just to stand around for five minutes, reducing the number of shooters. This is an opinion poll like no other!

The occasional bullet impacting the vest stings, of course. A light bullet like .22 caliber generally can't do a lot of damage. But if it hit in the right (or wrong) place, of course, even a .22 bullet can be fatal. However, The Leader is wearing protection that could stop the bullet from a big-game rifle. And every splatted bullet stopped by the vest actually counts as extra shielding from the next bullet to hit that spot. Only if The Leader loses composure, or gets an arm in front of the hole, or does some other stupid thing, will there be a problem. But the Law is clear. A Leader who exhibits cowardice or does something stupid while being shot at and fully protected, needs to be replaced, anyway. Those who can take it are confidently assumed to be worthy of handling a national crisis.

Today, however, a lot of people seem to think that The Leader has been causing more crises than resolving them. Some people who stood in line for a month did so just to hold a place for a sharpshooting friend. A bunch of those friends got together and made some serious plans. A full batch of twenty-five sharpshooters have just entered the shootists' area. They pick suitable positions, and aim and fire in unison.

The blow of twenty-five bullets all hitting practically at once is PUNISHING. (It is almost impossible for exactly-matching bullet-arrivals to be managed; different angles of shooting mean different distances to the target.) If it wasn't for the back of the throne, The Leader would probably have been knocked over. A huge bruise is also quite certainly going to be the result. Is The Leader getting the message? A lot of people are SERIOUSLY disatisfied with the year's performance.

But The Leader is tough, and has sat through more than one previous Shoot The Leader Day. Sore but otherwise uninjured at the end of the day, The Leader decides that a few policy changes are in order, after all. There might be more than one full batch of sharpshooters next year....
-- Vernon, Oct 07 2005

Might as well add a link... http://en.wikipedia...ki/In_Soviet_Russia
[Madai, Oct 07 2005]

This is not only shorter than your average post, but more enigmatic too. Please don't finish it.
-- wagster, Oct 07 2005


We acknowledge that the boss is lame. So is the idea(m-f-d)
-- normzone, Oct 07 2005


This is too easy:

In Soviet Russia, leader shoots you!

*rimshot*
-- Madai, Oct 07 2005


I would have stood in line for a month and practiced for a year to get one off at Clinton.
-- Blisterbob, Oct 07 2005


lets all shoot the leader shall we?
-- schmendrick, Oct 07 2005


witholding vote untill finished.
-- zeno, Oct 08 2005


How about a "Shoot the keyboard" Day - you can go first.
-- xenzag, Oct 08 2005


\\A Leader who exhibits cowardice or does something stupid while being shot at needs to be replaced, anyway\\Because there's nothing as despicable as someone who doesn't like to be shot at? Seriously though, if I was the boss, shielding or not, I would probably immediately fire everyone who thought that shooting at me was a good idea.

You seemed to morph into [UnaBubba] half way down this idea.
-- hidden truths, Oct 08 2005


Who, pray tell, is such a leader to merit this extravagance?
-- reensure, Oct 09 2005


I can see the point but almost every leader ever has done something to piss off alot of people. I don't think that there would be any diffrence from one year to the next. Unless there was a chart that graphed accuracy and time spent with no shots fired and number of shooters, etc. Maybe The Leader could stand a shorter ways off, still have the vest (maybe a lighter grade one) and be shot with paintballs. Red paintballs.
-- PollyNo9, Oct 09 2005


For the most part, I thought that was what happened now anyway.
-- hidden truths, Oct 09 2005



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