With the explosive growth of Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV) ownership among the over-worked and under-played Yuppie contingent, it seems that someone could make a lot of money by offering to convert their staid and dull Expeditions and Land Rovers into "Permanent Mudders". Replacing the stock paintjob with something that looks very similar (it's not as if factory paints are hard to find for late-model cars) with specs of "mud" sprayed over the lower parts of the body in realistic arrangements and colors (by region or preference). then you cover everything, paintjob and "mud" with the same preservative clearcut and Voila! You have a defining statement showing where you'ld rather be, no matter what you're doing.

alternately, for the sneaky, open a shop you could drive your car to on Sat or Sun (or whenever your "weekend" is supposed to be) that will give you a "Car Dirty". Drive up over a platform and have aerated mud sprayed up from below over your SUV and then quickly dried in place. You're in-and-out in 15 minutes and noone at the office will be able to figure out how you had time for fun AND got everything done by deadline.
-- bear, Aug 22 2000

Baked in only five years http://www.wired.co...,00.html?tw=rss.TOP
My idea isn't just baked, but popular enough to merit ligitation discussion in the UK?!? [bear, Jun 10 2005]

(?) Spray-on mud http://www.guardian...996,1506025,00.html
(Guardian news story) [hippo, Jun 14 2005]

(?) Spray-on Mud, $12.95 + s/h http://sprayonmud.u...order/SOMorder.html
Made list of CNN Money.com's "101 Dumbest Moments in Business". [jutta, Jan 30 2006]

The "Car Dirty" would be good as (a) it would be possible to cover the windows in mud too, and (b) depending on where you want to pretend to have been you could order different types of mud to be spattered on and different species of twigs, leaves, small animals, etc. to be stuck in the radiator grille.
-- hippo, Aug 22 2000


Based on the ads, SUVs are supposed to be immaculate gleaming testimonials to affluence. With a few exceptions, even those going off-road are gleaming and new. Around Here, where the SUVs all seem to have whitewall alloy wheels, chrome bottom trim and a complete lack of mudflaps, the average yuppie would die if his SUV got dirty.

I feel a need to key some SUVs now.
-- Uncle Nutsy, Aug 22 2000, last modified Aug 23 2000


The wheels give it away. If you buy beautiful alloy wheels for your SUV, it doesn't really look like you're intending to take it off-road. On the other hand, I used to see a Discovery with extra gastanks on the back, husky sled on the roof, GPS system on the dashboard, air intake periscope, exhaust periscope, deep scratches in the paint down the side from driving through trees and of course, it had the cheapest steel wheels that Land Rover sell (with rugged-looking tyres).
-- hippo, Aug 22 2000


General Motors did this "mud paint" on a couple models back in the late eighties and early nineties on their GMC Jimmy and Chevrolet Blazer. When it first can out it looked really cool. I remember it wasnt actually paint, it was more of a clear decal that was affixed to the bottom half of the car. It looked sort of real too. It was thick brown mud that faded lightly as it went up the body of the car. Didnt see too many back then.
-- memagilq, Aug 23 2000


I like Uncle Nutsy's final thought. If it were possible to find a SUV without a car alarm, perhaps the wussies who don't have the Nuts to actually key one, they could affix a 'keyed pinstripe' to SUVs. These OGSWs [Over Glorified Station Wagons] are treated like Grannies Chrysler New Yorker. God help you if you are behind these people when they see a puddle much less mud or the slightest dip in the road. You can lead a SUV to mud, but you can't make him drink it. A Faux Mud decal is as close as 99% will ever get.
-- thumbwax, Aug 24 2000


Thumbwax, if you'll submit the "Keyed Car Decal for cars with alarms", I'll vote for it. I'ld submit it right now, but I don't want to hog your croissant.
-- bear, Aug 24 2000


Also useful would be imitation rust, which could be painted on the car to make it look like a wreck, and not worth stealing.
-- Mickey the Fish, Aug 24 2000


Cf my Instant Dirt spray-can.
-- rayfo, Oct 20 2000


Picking up on the final paragraph of bear's proposal. If there really is a market for applied mud, this ought surely to appeal to the owners of carwash facilities, who at present find themselves with a surplus of mud and silt at the end of each day's business. The cashback facility in supermarkets is not just convenient for shoppers, it is of course handy for shop owners who want as little cash to count at the end of the day as possible, and don't want to be constantly shoveling money into sacks throughout the day. A 'mudback' facility would similarly benefit the carwash owner, and would usefully recycle something which otherwise requires disposal. Drivers would simply have to drive in opposite directions though the facility depending which cleaner/dirtier finish they want.
-- Mygo, Oct 21 2001


At last! A (semi-) viable plan for the ultimate con - selling dirt! A grifter's wet dream. Good work [Mygo]!
-- snarfyguy, Oct 22 2001


How about those poor squeegee kids who have been booted out of busy intersections, instead of cleaning windshields, they would hurl mud at the cleanest of SUV's but only after getting the pocket change from the owner.....maybe.
-- mike100, Jan 29 2002


I think it would be hilarious if you put the "mud paint" on other SUV's, if it were removable. Everyone i know who owns an SUV treats it like another child; the first sight of dirt sends them screaming.
-- ishotpac, Apr 04 2002


You missed the appeal to the L.L bean crowd; the mud is imported to match their coffee. lol and it is low grit and "real".

Actually there are good samaritans who used to go out of there way to remove mud from my 4x4 as to make it easier to see through my windows. Really I caught a guy washing my windows (another control freak) " This is illegal you know". “Its bad to have this much mud on your car”. lol I spent a week getting that mud back.

Ty
-- speedyguy, Aug 05 2003


great- you could also market the faux brush guard to go with the paint. it could be made out of pvc to reduce weight /cost and be painted flat black!
-- bobbye, Aug 05 2003


by that logic, starbucks is stupid as it is cheaper to make your own coffee. this is aimed at yuppies, the sort of people who would be embarressed to do this themselves, but would feel that money expended would make it acceptable.
-- stilgar, May 08 2004


In that case, I wouldn't mind if a Yuppie paid me to drive his truck through the mud a few times. As silly as this idea is, I still vote for it on the cleverness of it. Those with excessive weath tend to buy things that money really can't buy. For instance, houses that are over 100 years old that poor people live in are some of the most saught out houses by the rich. I was shocked to watch one of those home improvement shows only to see the guy taking a hammer and beating dents into a brand new wood floor. They explained that the purpose was to give the floor a more authentic "rustic" look. Bob Villa asked what it would cost to have this "design" work done. He was told that you can expect to pay $200 to $300 extra for 100 sq feet of dented flooring. Shucks! Gimme $100 and I will beat your floor with a hammer!
-- Jscotty, Jan 30 2006


Baked to a profitable dark brown so [MarkedForDeletion] I am afraid
-- redsimple, Feb 08 2006



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