Is there someone whos Christmas deserves to have a pall cast over it ? Now, with BorgCo's new GulitCard system, you can do it, in a seemingly innocent way.

To make your victim shrivel inside* simply register online at our website and pay your booking fee; you'll need to provide a scan of the target's name and address - handwritten - and a cheery Christmas message for inside the card. Then choose a card from the range on offer, all glossy and elaborate.

Hopefully your target won't send you a card; if they do, hard luck (but it was worth a try). BorgCo will send an empty envelope, unsealed, with our address written on in pencil, to our sorting depot about 10 days before Christmas, using a stamp that then acquires a genuine dated franking from the postal service. The address is then erased.

Then a member of our highly skilled team will- using the scan template- carefully imitate your writing on both envelope and card using a real pen- not a printer. On Christmas eve, one of our delivery staff will discreetly pop the card through the target's letterbox, when it's far too late for them to respond.

For a small saving, you can choose and write the card yourself, then mail it to us at the depot address (using a pencil, of course). We'll still need a scan of the victim's address in your handwriting. Don't forget to pencil your unique reference number alongside our address.

Hopefully this will cause them a modicum of harmless but depressing grief, and ever so slightly tinge the festivities with a sense of regret and inadequacy.

* Since most senior managers in large companies are already dead inside, and thus this prank will be ineffective, save your money for our "Prepaid Grave Desecration Service" <link>
-- 8th of 7, Dec 14 2019

Prepaid grave desecration service Prepaid_20grave_20desecration_20service
From the same division of BorgCo. [8th of 7, Dec 14 2019]

Quite baked by my cousin. https://www.sendoutcards.com/app
I get one of these horrid things every year. Always with her picture from some picturesque paradise destination. Sending out cards for people and businesses is her business. [RayfordSteele, Dec 17 2019]

[+] might I suggest the deluxe service, wherein several years (perhaps decades) of Christmas cards - all (im)properly franked - are delivered at once, a couple days after Christmas.
-- FlyingToaster, Dec 14 2019


You may indeed suggest that, as it is an excellent addition to the basic service.

Three crossants already ? There must be an awful lot of embittered misanthropes out there...

Maybe it should be called "ScroogeCard" or something, though providing holgraphic "ghosts" to visit the target's bedroom in the wee small hours of the 25th might prove a trifle costly...
-- 8th of 7, Dec 14 2019


When the most evil a bored Borg can perpetrate is a passive-aggressive gift you know the Christmas spirit has arrived!
-- Voice, Dec 14 2019


This is just practise - there's worse to come.
-- 8th of 7, Dec 14 2019



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