Zoogoers! How many times have you paid big bucks for zooo admission, only to find that 90% of the animals (and all the good ones!) are hiding and/or sleeping? Probably every single time! In these dark days when feeding the animals is prohibited, what can a zoogoer do to get a little animal action to wow the kiddies? BUNGCO feels your pain.
The animal husbandry division here at BUNGCO has long manufactured Synthetic Heat, a mix of pheromones used to facilitate artifical insemination and other indelicate processes we will not detail here. These same chemists now bring you Zoo Action Perfume, or ZAP! ZAP is comprised of pheromones from a mix of large carnivores, concentrated for greater potency, and is guaranteed to bring those wily animals out from their shady refuges and right up the the cage, yowling for love! Bears, leopards, bintarongs, civets, tigers and stoats all go wild for the smell of ZAP! You will have a zoo experience you will never forget, and your kids will learn things about wild animals that they cannot find in books!
Coming soon, ZAP2 - with the estrous odors of elephant, rhino, elk, bison, llama and all the other large herbivores our chemist Doug could get his rubber gloves on.
ZAP is not recommended for safaris, wild animal parks, or other non-enclosed animal viewing. Wash thoroughly before coming home if you have dogs, cats or other animals.-- bungston, Apr 10 2005 This could result in large beasts of the field throwing themselves frustrated and engorged against thier plexiglass cells, trying to get some of that bipedal smells-good-lovin'. I imagine whole generations of zoo-going tykes will be traumatised. Croissant.-- calum, Apr 11 2005 I don't like this, those animals have it bad enough as it is.-- zeno, Apr 11 2005 what zeno said. gawd I'm in a bad mood...-- po, Apr 11 2005 Hee!-- skinflaps, Apr 11 2005 haw!-- po, Apr 11 2005 There's nothing quite like the smell of a female sasquatch in heat.Or cold, for that matter.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Apr 12 2005 Just realized "Zoo action perfume" is a double entendre. Croissant for gross-out humor.-- Chrontius, Apr 12 2005 [bungston] Once you've seen an elephant's penis, angry, you will be depressed ever after.-- ConsulFlaminicus, Apr 12 2005 Having worked in a zoo I think this would be great.
//zoo-going tykes will be traumatized// Not any worse than when they watch a baboon eat its own vomit.-- 37PiecesOf Flair, Apr 12 2005 /Once you've seen an elephant's penis, angry/. I try to calm my mind before going out to view elephant penises.-- bungston, Apr 12 2005 I don't like the idea of interfering with the animals like this. But to play along, why can't the scent be released in a small dosage within the cage at a regular interval. This would at least create some sense of normalcy for the captives.-- ORISIS, Apr 12 2005 Then they'd learn to ignore it.-- Chrontius, Apr 13 2005 Or they'd be wired all day like a bunch of meth-smokers.
Mommy, why is it trying to burn that spoon?-- disbomber, Apr 13 2005 "Get your paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"-- RayfordSteele, Apr 13 2005 random, halfbakery