Drinking wine is really, really good. I mean, it just is, isn't it? And the HalfBakery is also really, really good.
However, I have over the years noticed a problem. It is very difficult to read the screen on a computer through a wineglass. This means that, every three or four seconds, my perusal of the HB is interrupted as I raise the glass and sup therefrom.
Obviously, I could take larger gulps at longer intervals, but this would be vulgar.
It strikes me that humanity ought to be able to do better than this, and I believe it can.
My computer is equipped with a webcam, which ought to be able to detect when my face is distorted by the refraction of an intervening wineglass and its contents. Since my actual face does not change, it should be a straightforward matter to deconvolute the trans- wineglass image of my face as seen by the webcam, and map it to the undistorted* image of my face.
By applying this mapping in reverse, thencefore, it should be possible to adapt the computer's display to compensate, in realtime, for the distortion caused by the wineglass. This would enable me to view an undistorted HB during intervals of imbibulation.
[*relatively speaking]-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2014 Pretend_20everythin..._20someone_20French [calum, Jun 27 2014] a much better solution - a wine drinking hat! http://fancy.com/th...oda-Drinking-Helmet [xandram, Jun 27 2014] Curved neck beer bottle Curved_20neck_20beer_20bottlesA working class solution for working class people with a similar problem. [AusCan531, Jun 27 2014] For [bungston]'s short-sightedness http://maine-aim.or...creen-magnification [Skewed, Jun 29 2014] Medusa Proof Goggles Basically a 2-inch periscope [ytk, Jun 29 2014] OK, which damned fool bunned this?-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2014 Would this require any alteration to the conventional arrangement of gravity?-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2014 I'll have my personal trainer look into this.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2014 Get one of those new fangled Google Glass gadgets. In fact, is that why they are called this?-- DenholmRicshaw, Jun 26 2014 [Denholm]!!!! Owner of my favourite HB username. Why are you not here more often?
Incidentally, I have just noticed that you are missing a "k". I have a spare one if you need it.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2014 The simpler solution would be to switch to champagne. After all, a chance to visit the Halfbakery is a cause for celebration, is it not?-- ytk, Jun 26 2014 You may have to apply additional settings to compensate for the differences in the kinds of glass you use for different wines.-- normzone, Jun 26 2014 // switch to champagne// I did, in 1971.
//additional settings to compensate for the differences in the kinds of glass// Ah, but no. Because the algorithm constantly compares the webcam view of my face with a stored image of my face, it can apply adaptive corrections in realtime, irregardless of the shape of the glass.
(Incidentally, red wines may require a laser- augmented enhanced monitor.)-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2014 //I did, in 1971. //
Well, if you're finally sure you're committed to the change, it might be high time to invest in some champagne flutes, which will have the side benefit of obviating the problem entirely.-- ytk, Jun 26 2014 Ok, I was meant to be heading for that large soft downy thing in the other room, but I couldn't resist.
It all seems a bit excessive when there's such a simple remedy readily available.
Have you perchance considered the option of a simple straw, or maybe a beer hat with its attendant integral straw suitably refilled with Chablis (or tipple of choice)?
And now I really am going.-- Skewed, Jun 26 2014 //Have you perchance considered the option of a simple straw//
Drinking wine through a straw can lead you to misjudge the amount you are consuming, causing inebriation much more quickly than you might expect. Nevertheless, [Max] probably finds the prospect too gauche to even consider.-- ytk, Jun 26 2014 In the netherlands it is a widely held belief that if you drink wine or beer through a straw, you get more drunk quicker.
Nobody knows why. I can now start telling people why, thanks to you ytk
We drink wine and beer through straws at carnaval when we wear a mask.
Otherwise it is not done, a faux pas. And this idea is all about class anyway
+-- zeno, Jun 27 2014 We need to be careful here:(1) there is a possibility that MaxwellBuchanan is taken by any semi-literate shagbag who might trundle by as endorsing wine-drinking as a whole, when clearly (assuming he has not taken leave of his senses) he is endorsing drinking only good quality wines made in one or other of a limited number of European states; (2) there is a possibility that even in discussing the idea of drinking wine through a straw, the same s.-l. s.b. might form the opinion that drinking wine through a straw is something That Is Done. Which it is not, except, perhaps by the lower orders when on holiday in lower order holiday resorts and even then it is a thing done and not the done thing.
Or, what zeno said.-- calum, Jun 27 2014 //it is a thing done and not the done thing//
//Or, what zeno said.//
<Slurp...>
<Removes straw from mouth>
I like what you said better, same thing, but more elegantly put.-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 //drinking only good quality wines made in one or other of a limited number of European states//
That sort of snobbish attitude is engendered from ignorance. Many elitist wine consumers will insist that the best wines are from France. But like those who falsely reason that for true pizza you must go to Italy (pizza, of course, being a New World import), they are completely overlooking the fact that what we know as modern wine was introduced to the west by Islamic traders from its native home in China. Sure, the Greeks and Romans enjoyed a sort of “wine”, but it was really nothing more than a fermented mash made up of whatever fruits and vegetables were on their way out. The concept of growing grapes for the express purpose of producing wine was utterly unknown to the ancients.
In actual fact, China is home to some of the finest wines known to man (few are aware that “Pinot Grigio” is a Gallic corruption of “peng nao gli xiao”, or “delicate golden summer vine”). This is the reason why even the diviest Chinese restaurants frequently have extensive wine lists, and many Chinese immigrants to Western countries find their first job as a sommelier.
Whereas the Chinese have been growing grapes and producing wines for nearly two millennia, the first true vineyard in France wasn't even established until 1806—prior to that, winemaking was strictly a hobby for most people. Now, of course, they (in their typically French fashion) have hogged most of the limelight on the world stage for having done relatively little. But any serious wine enthusiast will not only know the difference between the various Yangtze varietals, but have a strong opinion on what type of meals you should serve a Guangdong with.-- ytk, Jun 27 2014 "Looks up through her misty wine glass and waves frantically at [DenholmRicshaw], long time no see." Well it looks like *I* can see through my wine glass. That's because it's invisible wine, naturally.-- blissmiss, Jun 27 2014 Hello [MB] - missing a 'k' - I'm OK thanks as that wouldn't work as an anagram of my name.
Hello [blissmiss] !!-- DenholmRicshaw, Jun 27 2014 Regarding the consumption of wine through a straw - I'm not sure that's even possible but, if it is, it should be banned.
Regarding the provenance of wines - chacun a son gout. Personally, I like Italian whites and French reds (champagne aside). Detest Australian and Californian whites, but quite like many of their reds. Prefer a prosecco to a champagne by a whisker, and am fairly partial to mid-range cavas. Will kill for good port.
Howevertheless, all wines and wine glasses seem to have similar refractive indices, permitting a universal firmware computer viewing solution.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 Wine through a straw is indeed very possible, I use one of those flash curly ones with different colours all along it's length... ;)
Personally I prefer Bacardi with a generous splash of coke (ice optional depending on the weather).
I once had a whisky that tasted of stale cigar ash, apparently it was a very well respected vintage (Is that the right word for whisky?).-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 //Will kill for good port//
Ah...
Now that I can't find fault with, especially when accompanied by a good cheese (a good strong stilton that bites back, the kind you can't buy in a supermarket anymore).-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 [MB] have you not tried the English sparkling whites? I think they beat all the others.-- pocmloc, Jun 27 2014 English sparkling whites are often superb, but not easy to find, alas.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 I hate opening a bottle of wine only to find that they've been over-generous with the sulphites. I never understand why some producers add so much that you can smell the HS, in a product which is all about taste and smell.
An excellent reason for sticking to champagne is that, though it contains sulphites, they don't clash with its natural smell.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 //Ok, I was meant to be heading for that large soft downy thing in the other room...//
That's just gross. Get a woman/man.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 //I once had a whisky that tasted of stale cigar ash, apparently it was a very well respected vintage (Is that the right word for whisky?).//
Ah, that would no doubt be Scotch, and yes, the cigar ash taste (actually, peat) is the primary feature of said whisky.-- ytk, Jun 27 2014 Waitrose has a great selection and delivers to your door.-- pocmloc, Jun 27 2014 A great selection of what?-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 //That's just gross. Get a woman/man.//
<Salutes [Max]>
I have no comeback for that that would be remotely as funny :D-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 //the cigar ash taste (actually, peat) is the primary feature of said whisky//
Couldn't they find anything else to flavour it with?
<Shrugs> Clearly my pallet isn't 'sophisticated' enough to appreciate true quality.
Either that or it's an example of the principle of pricing a product really high @ work (price it high enough & no matter how bad (some) people will believe it must be good if it's so expensive).
<'Pass the sweet sherry will you, is my chilli kebab ready yet?'>-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 The whole point of a selection is that you decide what, not the person offering the selection. Please do try harder, it makes everyone’s lives easier.-- pocmloc, Jun 27 2014 The silver spoon idea makes sense and is an excellent suggestion.
There's probably a market for ornate little silver objects that can be dropped into the wine bottle.
Regardless of the cause, winemakers need to do something about it. If it's due to less oxygen- permeable seals, then they need to reduce their sulphite levels accordingly. If a sommelier insisted on farting in my face, I'd take my custom elsewhere.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 Or just make it yourself from scratch...
Granddad used to do a passable elderberry (his comfrey & polo-mint was a bit strange though) & I fondly remember a very pleasant strawberry wine from a friend of the family.-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 // I fondly remember a very pleasant strawberry wine//
Two points. (a) If you can remember it, it can't have been that pleasant. -- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 (a) oh but it was - I think you mean 'strong' when you say 'pleasant'?
Having said that it did have a kick, 2 glasses felt like a couple of double vodkas (so four vodkas then), but light / deceptive, somehow the alcohol barely showed in the flavour.
(b)?-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 I forget.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2014 Oh dear. Please would someone ring up Buchanan Manor and inform the butler that he shall presently have need to roll His Lordship onto his side? And ask him to have the stomach pump at the ready, just in case. Not the good one for company—the one Great Aunt Clairidge left after her last “visit” will do fine.-- ytk, Jun 27 2014 //I forget//
I knew I was going to regret that.
I gave myself 10/90 odds you'd had a typo or would say that, still couldn't help asking though.-- Skewed, Jun 27 2014 //Regarding the consumption of wine through a straw
<barbarian>I do seem to recollect being at a warehouse party drinking Rosé champagne from the bottle with a bendy straw back in my youth...
It's surprisingly difficult to find a straw long enough to avoid all that bilge pump noise trying to the get the last bit out of the bottom of a champagne bottle.
</b>
NB "China's Xinjiang Autonomous Region have an ancient history of viticulture going back to around the 4th Century BC, when Greek settlers brought the vine and more advanced irrigation techniques...."-- not_morrison_rm, Jun 27 2014 If I'm perfectly honest I barely ever bother with a straw, to thin, you can never get an adequate flow rate.
I usually just pour it directly from bottle to mouth, much more efficient, & less chance of any wasteful dripage or spillage than a glass (no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get my mouth round an entire wine glass & form an adequate seal to avoid any leakage), I find a bottle neck is both larger than a straw (providing a more satisfactory speed of transfer) yet not so large I can't get my mouth round it, perfect.
It saves on washing up too, which is a bonus ;)-- Skewed, Jun 28 2014 Focus people! Focus! Which is what this idea is about. At the root: can one alter a digital image such that it corrects for deficiencies or abnormalities in the viewer's eye?
Max's idea here uses a wine glass. But suppose my problem was nearsightedness, due to advanced age, and I refuse to wear glasses on principle. Could I alter my monitor display such that it serves as glasses?
"Yes" reply the wags; use that + key and make it bigger. Ho ho; it is to laugh. But the principle of the thing: if one perceives a standard display as blurry for whatever reason, could one tweak it until it becomes unblurry?-- bungston, Jun 29 2014 Not sure but I think that may be a different problem, the wine glass distorts the image, the short-sightedness is a lack of / too weak a focus?
You can get lenses to fit over your screen (a direct you to Blade Runner & Brazil (the film) for examples) which would fix that one.
<link>-- Skewed, Jun 29 2014 This idea needs a big injection of information theory and Shannon-related stuff.The transformation of the image by the wine glass is 'lossy' - i.e. information is lost in the transformation. This could be, for example, because a particular ripple of the glass causes points in the image (of [Max]'s face) at A and B to both look like they're at point C. Thus information has been lost - reversing the path of the light and illuminating point C will just cause points A and B to be equally illuminated - it won't reconstruct what should have been at points A and B. This is why (I am told) there is no way of reconstructing the image of your attractive neighbour showering from the blurred and broken-up image of them seen through their frosted-glass bathroom window.Oh yes, and of course the webcam would have to be simultaneously in the same position as every pixel in the computer monitor to 'see' the transformation from that position.Apart from these minor shortcomings, a great idea.-- hippo, Jun 29 2014 Claps with one hand.-- blissmiss, Jun 29 2014 /wonders what Bliss's one hand is hitting to make the noise.../
Thank you hippo. The frosted glass and concept of "lossy" image degradation is good. If I can correct my vision with lenses in front of my eye, I conclude that distortions of image due to deficiencies in my eye are not lossy.
Another illustration relevant here is a microscope. Suppose the professor, viewing a slide without his glasses, beckons me to take a look. He moves aside and I look but must refocus because it is a blur. He has used the lens of the microscope to correct his vision. Similarly one could put a lens in front of an analog TV to make it appear differently as Skewed points out.
With a digital image you could change the image itself. "Focusing" the rendering of a digital image so it would appear to have travelled thru the appropriate corrective lens? If this can be done I have not seen it.
A very neat application of this idea is non 3dglasses 3d rendering. Currently if I play a video game and something is supposed to recede away from me, it gets smaller. But if there are algorithms governing rendering of focus of items at different distances (for example farsightedness correction) it could get smaller but also change focus. I must change focus as well to track it or it becomes blurry. When watching a ball move away in real life this eye focus change is automatic. I bet it would be with a digital image as well.-- bungston, Jun 29 2014 Air pockets, alright? lOUD and DEEP BOOMING NOISE.-- blissmiss, Jun 29 2014 Just had a thought… Could this be a “practical” application for my inaugural idea, Medusa Proof Goggles? (linky)-- ytk, Jun 29 2014 random, halfbakery