I watched from cover as the troops made their move, in short dashes from doorway to doorway. They were obviously professionals.
The coffee shop was full of hipsters, men with impressive, oiled beards and recycled clothes; women in flannel shirts and ripped jeans and fake 1950s glasses. Their children were all dressed in cute, faded denim dungarees and tiny hiking boots. We had hit the jackpot.
On the sergeant's signal, the men fired baton rounds first... inert rubbery pellets about the size of D cell batteries, breaking the windows and allowing the men a clear field of fire.
The next volley was an almost silent flight of tiny, winged darts, each carrying a polyvalent vaccine payload. The empty box at my feet said it covered measles, pertussis, rubella, mumps, polio, chickenpox and a number of other potentially deadly viruses.
Two more volleys and it was done. The troops moved in, gathered up their spent syringes, handed out packets of jellybeans and gummy bears and exfiltrated quickly, melting into the shadows and piling back into their cargo van, which was disguised as a mobile barista training school.
I glanced at the monitor behind the driver's seat. We had three more hotspots to clean up before lunchtime; including a small homeschoolers' convention.-- UnaBubba, Apr 03 2019 Hipster Anti-vaxxers https://www.patheos...d-measles-outbreak/About 5 paragraphs down [UnaBubba, Apr 03 2019] https://www.google....8i13i30.eS-2wjvCPQY [hippo, Apr 03 2019] Hey, [Ubie]! Welcome back!-- MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 03 2019 Wecome back! But surely it's not the hipsters who are anti-vaxxers? - I thought they were all tech-savvy web designers. You need to be at the Gong Bath Workshop next door.-- hippo, Apr 03 2019 That may be true, [hippo], but state legislators believe the problem is hipsters, so they're the first demographic to get darted. [link]-- UnaBubba, Apr 03 2019 Dear gods, [hippo]. I just Googled "gong bath" and learned that "Scientific evidence suggests that certain forms of sound therapy prompt damaged human DNA strands to repair themselves. " Is there no end to how stupid some people can be? Take 'em for every penny they've got, say I.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 03 2019 Interesting - what do they mean by "scientific evidence" in this case? (also, scary link added)-- hippo, Apr 03 2019 I would guess that "scientific evidence" does not mean "peer- reviewed, empirical evidence" in that instance.-- UnaBubba, Apr 03 2019 Regarding the anti-vaccinators, if we can't bring ourselves to coerce them, perhaps we could incentivise them. Just bring along some aerosolized measles, polio and rubella to school assembly a couple of weeks after vaccination.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 03 2019 Hello again UnaBubba. It's good to see you back.
So who pays for the broken windows and negligence claims? And how do you avoid vaccinating those who can't be safely vaccinated - for example, those with an egg allergy or impaired immune system?-- Loris, Apr 04 2019 Only one or two people in every hundred fall into those categories. So you just vaccinate 98 people, wait a bit, go on to the next 98 etc.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 04 2019 Don't forget to trim their ears so they aren't vaccinated more than once during any given period.-- FlyingToaster, Apr 04 2019 Just a "null symbol" tattoo on the ear, [FT], which serves a dual purpose if they look likely to breed more unvaccinated feral sprogs.
They can be sterilised at the same time.-- UnaBubba, Apr 05 2019 random, halfbakery