This is really just BASIC, but it's a version for the "programmer who has everything".

Instead of "FOR. . . NEXT" and "IF . . . END IF" blocks, the clauses here are "PLEASE . . . THANK YOU" and "IF YOU DON'T MIND . . . I APPRECIATE IT"

Variables are declared with "HELLO. . . TALK TO YOU SOON". Declaring variables within the body of the program is okay if you write "I FORGOT" before and "SORRY" after.

In return, the compiler promises to give you very nicely worded errors should anything be out of order in your program.

Thank you.
-- phundug, Apr 25 2006

INTERCAL resources page http://www.catb.org/~esr/intercal/
I am shocked that none of you have mentioned the politeness requirements of c-intercal... [prufrax, Apr 27 2006]

You could probably bake this with a very object orientated language such as Ruby.
-- Jinbish, Apr 25 2006


won't this end up like COBOL?
-- ChangeSomething, Apr 25 2006


I suppose the please...thank you delimiters can be optional, but, should there be a mistake in that part, the computer will respond very unfriendlylike.
-- phundug, Apr 25 2006


it would annoy me very much to have to be polite to my computer which is the spawn of satan, or bill gates, they're interchangeable.
-- AlexTheGreat, Apr 25 2006


[AlexTG]: Don't suppose you know a Nick?...
-- Jinbish, Apr 25 2006


Sounds like COBOL with manners. - Wasn't the Terminator programmed in COBOL? I seem to recall the words "ENVIRONMENT DIVISION" (and a 6502 serial interface) listing scroll past some target to be terminated... No wonder the poor chap had a grudge against humanity (Thanks Rich, for that!)
-- Dub, Apr 25 2006


Please do this and please do that and please do something else. Thank you. Thank You.

Compile Error: Unmatched Please. Please add another Thank You. Thank You.
-- sophocles, Apr 25 2006


[phundug] oh, and your idea has an unmatched "thank you" at the end. Please add "please" to the top part of your idea, or rephrase the end as: "Thank You... I FORGOT PLEASE earlier. SORRY. I APPRECIATE IT." Thank You.
-- sophocles, Apr 25 2006


My program won't compile... I get 332 etiquette errors...
-- Jinbish, Apr 25 2006


Edsger Dijkstra's critical section blocking problem would be unbelievable "No, No, my good chap, after you!", "No, really. I insist. After you!"...

Recursion:If you're really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, nice, would you tell me what the factorial of 8 is, please?

His arguments about goto's would become churlish. Go to's would be a thing of the past... They'd become, "Please be so good as to continue execution from...?"
-- Dub, Apr 25 2006


\\Don't suppose you know a Nick?...\\Judging by the surname, I'm guessing family relation.
-- hidden truths, Apr 26 2006


My first programming class (pre-PC days) was on a PDP-1170. We logged on by typing "hello". The computer responded with a similar greeting, and then we could begin. Those were the days... kinder, gentler... This one makes me nostalgic. I'm a fan of it. [+]
-- zigness, Apr 26 2006


I FORGOT;
HELLO phundug;
TALK TO YOU SOON;
SORRY;
PLEASE keep_submitting_ ideas_like _this = 1 TO The_Halfbakery;
Number_of_votes = Number_of_votes + 1;
THANK YOU;
GOODBYE.

-- Ling, Apr 26 2006


//PDP-1170// sp. "PDP-11/70"
-- coprocephalous, Apr 26 2006


[phlish] There are some very interesting references, in your link, to other languages such as brainfuck (Jutta could you 'just' re-write the HB using this?), and probably Java2K too.
-- Ling, Apr 26 2006


This is silly. Computers are intended to be tools, and they ought to stay that way. Making a programming language that uses common English mechanics will personify them.
-- angrygoatface, Apr 26 2006


HI
WOULD YOU MIND PRINTING "TOM IS COOL" OVER AND OVER AGAIN PLEASE?
THANKS

-- zen_tom, Apr 27 2006


I'm sorry Zen, I can't do that.
-- Dub, May 09 2006


Do any of you realise how difficult this would be to read by foreign people (people just learning english)?

But 'this' I mean this webpage, and the language. :)

what I mean by 'the language' I mean this User friendly language, not english :).
-- EvilPickels, May 09 2006


1 Mr Computer, please input "What is your name?"; a$ for me. Thank you.
2 please print "Hello, ";
2 1/2 Pretty please with sugar on top and a cherry, print a$. I forgot to ask before, and I forgot to number my lines in tens. Sorry!
3 goto 2, when you've got a moment. I'd appreciate it.

-- spidermother, May 09 2006


//Pretty please with sugar on top and a cherry//

______________________________
Cross your heart and hope to die?

[YES] [NO] [CANCEL]
______________________________
-- phundug, May 09 2006


"Would you like me to stick my head in a bucket of water? I can do that, you know."
-- DesertFox, May 09 2006



random, halfbakery