So I was walking my dog tonight in a large, empty field and stopped to relieve myself in some bushes. Whipped it out, and nearly howled. It was bloody cold out there!
So my proposal is simple. An open-ended condom made of spandex with a Thinsulate liner. For cold-weather protection of that most precious of extremities.-- 21 Quest, Dec 28 2009 Thinsulate http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinsulate [21 Quest, Dec 29 2009] you could incorporate this into your design http://www.halfbake...ea/Garter_20condoms [normzone, Dec 29 2009] (?) catch the moment when they catch sight of what happens if you leave John Thomas out at the north pole http://videos.stree...e-of-Top_174761.htm [po, Dec 30 2009] Granny's know everything. http://1.bp.blogspo...mer_300bluepink.jpg [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 31 2009] Whizzer https://www.amazon....evice/dp/B00CSW5WISThe world is your toilet. [whatrock, Oct 01 2016] When one is in the elements, there isn't always a bathroom nearby. This would be marketed to outdoorsy types, like hikers, mountain bikers, and campers.-- 21 Quest, Dec 29 2009 Could this consist of a trunk-like extension to your briefs? Otherwise it might require some sort of elastic harness, increasing the risk of a dreaded strangulation event.-- swimswim, Dec 29 2009 Actually, Swim, that would probably work better. Maybe a Velcro pad to attach to the fly would be ideal?-- 21 Quest, Dec 29 2009 When I gotta go, the cold air is the last thing on my mind. Relief takes precedence over comfort.-- Jscotty, Dec 29 2009 So... ? It's not as if you have to make a choice between the two. This is meant to be worn the whole time you're out and about. With Swim's suggested alteration, this is even easier.-- 21 Quest, Dec 29 2009 girls blouses all - you don't hear the dogs complain!-- po, Dec 29 2009 For goodness' sake! Is there not a single male halfbaker who does not have some kind of peeing-related problem? I'm with [P]o on this one.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 29 2009 I thought this would be a method of luring in and disposing of gliders.-- wagster, Dec 29 2009 My complaint is that if you're wearing gear substantial for weathering the weather, it's a bit of a pain rummaging through the layers.-- FlyingToaster, Dec 30 2009 Actually, this idea helps with that, FT. It adds thickness (remember, this is for *cold* weather) and grip, making handling with gloves much easier.-- 21 Quest, Dec 30 2009 To solve the gripping problem, you'll need a little crane that extends out from your belt buckle, from which a string tugs at the dirty end of the garment. This will have to be remote controlled, of course, but it eliminates (no pun) the need for directly handling the sensitive equipment.-- swimswim, Dec 30 2009 Of course, if you were wearing a wetsuit in the first place, this wouldn't be a problem.-- AbsintheWithoutLeave, Dec 30 2009 Eeewww!-- 21 Quest, Dec 30 2009 2 Fries, if only it was open at the tip!-- 21 Quest, Dec 31 2009 Knit one, pearl three.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 31 2009 I wouldn't advise wearing one to one of those airports with the full body scanners, don't want explosives experts blowing it up just in case.-- theircompetitor, Dec 31 2009 One solution would be a small disposable tube with a flanged adhesive tip at one end. The flange would attach to a normal condom at the end, the sperm reservoir part having a hole punched in it. Then pull the tube out into the cold, pee into the condom in your pants and throw them all away when done.-- leinypoo13, Dec 31 2009 Very sorry about the first anno's disappearance! I was scrolling on my phone's touch screen, and accidentally hit the delete button. There *really* needs to be a confirmation pop-up to prevent that! I know the subject's been visited before, but Jutta, could you please add that function????-- 21 Quest, Jan 01 2010 nooooo my precious anno... preciousssss.... whatever; was it important ?-- FlyingToaster, Jan 01 2010 It was the one in which you mentioned the obviousness of restroom usage and the existance of fur-lined codpieces. It really was a gem.-- 21 Quest, Jan 01 2010 oh, okay... go to the bathroom before you leave.
so you mean something like a one-large-fingered glove (you want some protection for the boys too, remember) with a fabric, tethered or velcro flip-cap on the end like on a water-bottle. Just toss it in the wash with the undies every once-in-awhile.
already [+]'d-- FlyingToaster, Jan 01 2010 // Is there not a single male halfbaker who does not have some kind of peeing-related problem? // - [MB] Strictly speaking, if you did not, yourself, have such a problem, then your question would be redundant.
It's logically similar to ... "Do all of you take milk?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know" "I don't know" "Yes."-- pertinax, Jan 01 2010 //a large, empty field and stopped to relieve myself in some bushes. Whipped it out, and nearly howled. It was bloody cold out there! //
This is why it's better to relive yourself in doorways. Much warmer there.-- ldischler, Jan 01 2010 I'm not quite sure how to respond to that.-- 21 Quest, Jan 01 2010 I'm pretty sure that heating up the testicles too much can have negative effects on the spermatozoons.-- DrWorm, Jan 01 2010 WTF? Who reversed their vote on me? I had 6 buns! I can understand a change of mind, but at least have the decency to explain...-- 21 Quest, Jan 01 2010 Oh waaah.-- RayfordSteele, Jan 01 2010 I *know*!-- 21 Quest, Jan 01 2010 I see you're making a ribbed one, 2 fries. That makes it a lot more fun ;)-- piratemeggy, Jan 02 2010 I knew someone who used the hollowed out interior of a coon's tail hat to pleasure himself. That tail might help out in this type of thing. Also, 21, I'll bone the idea cause it's about penises. But maybe later I'll bun it for similar reasons, or maybe I'll just feel like unleashing random kindness. Either way, I'm pretty sure it's all fair game.-- daseva, Jan 02 2010 //I knew someone who used the hollowed out interior of a coon's tail hat to pleasure himself.//
Mwha?......and they admitted it or, like you witnessed it?
...and could someone explain to me why I feel compelled to ask that?-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 03 2010 Because you want to give it a try and have finally found a use for that ole coon tailed hat your great grandad left you?-- outloud, Jan 03 2010 Now I understand why he always called it his Davie Cockit hat.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 03 2010 Soooo... your suggestion is some kind of permanent insulated attachment to your briefs to coddle and cosset the old chap. A... willy warmer? No, wait. It's a bobble hat for the pecker.
Just don't forget to detach the fella should you be out and about and unexpectedly attract the physical attentions of a member of whichever sex takes your fancy.
'Jesus, what's that?' 'Ah, fear not. It's a Trojan Thermal. Look... it unzips by... er... won't be a moment... look, this has never happened before..."-- neuro, Jan 05 2010 Old joke.
Guy in a restaurant notices that the waiter has cutlery in his top pocket, and asks why. "Well", says the waiter, "if a customer drops a spoon, instead of having to go to the hatch and get a clean one, I have one here already - saves time!"
A bit later, the customer notices, also, that the waiter has a piece of string hanging out of his trousers, and he asks why. "Well", says the waiter, "the string's tied around my dick. So if I need to go for a pee, I just pull it out with the string - keeps my hands clean, means I don't have to stop to wash my hands - saves time!"
"Ah", says the customer, "but how do you get your dick back in your trousers without getting your hands dirty?"
"Easy", says the waiter "I just use the spoon."-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 01 2016 random, halfbakery