Many people are plagued by an inability to sleep at night. Drugs, such as sleeping pills, can mess you up and make you feel groggy the next day, and are not a true solution. Aromatic therapies, i.e. exotic fragrances, designed to calm and lull you to sleep, often tend to have the unwanted side-effect of increased randiness, thereby reducing the possibility of sleep even further.
I am therefore pleased to present my conclusive solution to this problem.
For reasons not yet understood, those who fail to fall asleep in their beds often start snoring within seconds of boarding a car, bus, train, or plane. Something about the noise, vibration and motion of a moving vehicle provides a powerful pulling force towards the land of sleep.
No doubt you are thinking that I am about to suggest a fleet of roving bed trucks, which drive the customer around until he/she falls asleep. But no, that would be bad, not just for the environment, but also for people who like to drive their sports cars at high speed on deserted city streets.
Instead, I present you with the Transportation Simulator Bed. This is basically a mattress with a vibration source, mounted on a frame linked to steel arcs, with electric motors or a hydraulic system, a computer, and a group of high quality speakers.
After settling under the covers, you may choose one of three modes.
If you choose Train, your bed will shake mostly laterally, and the vibrations will be equivalent to those occurring on an actual train. From the speakers will emanate the right sounds, including the chatter of other passengers at a distance, the occasional roar as the train goes through a tunnel, and in countries which have these, periodic announcements by the conductor. The rhythmic 'clackity-clack' noise the train makes as it goes over joints in the rails would be accompanied by the correct vibrations. As the train goes into a curve, the whole bed would tilt slightly and turn on its axis towards a new bearing...-- Dr Furtz, Jun 16 2001 I'd replace the mattress with a reclining chair. Although it wouldn't really make it suitable for proper sleep, others may find that lying down in a (simulated) moving vehicle feels a bit "odd".-- mrkillboy, Jun 16 2001 Dr. Furtz, it's 2:34am here....while I'm willing to try just about anything for my insomnia....I just don't think this would work. Of course, at this point, I've just about given up on anything other than the damn pills....which I try to avoid....but, heck, I'm going to be groggy tomorrow one way or another.....-- Susen, Jun 16 2001 Transportation has never put me to sleep, I always want to see what's going on and what's new outside the windows...My brother, on the other hand, conked out as soon as the engine started. Made for quiet trips...I like the idea, though...Might be fun for role-playing with a close friend.-- StarChaser, Jun 16 2001 <memory lane>On vacation us kids rode in the back of the old red pickup with the canopy on the back, on foam pads. Smell of dust from gravel roads, nothing to do but snooze until we got to the campground. Wow.</memory lane> This would work a treat for me.-- Dog Ed, Jun 16 2001 Peter, though your efforts to prove this idea baked are commendable, I doubt very much it's the vibrations that do the trick on actual transport. Otherwise you'd find people sleeping on their washing machines.
Personally I suspect the key factor is in fact the transportation; i.e. the fact that you are being carried, like you were many years ago in your mother's womb.-- Dr Furtz, Jun 17 2001 No, Peter, the objective is to fool your mind into thinking that you are being transported. Though I'll grant you that a hammock does sound rather enticing, especially when the weather is as lovely as it is today.-- Dr Furtz, Jun 17 2001 Personally, I have no trouble sleeping in my regular bed, but am completely unable to sleep in transportation, even on all-night flights, bus journeys, etc. What I'd like is something to simulate lying in my own bed while I'm in economy class on a 747.-- pottedstu, Sep 15 2001 Crap. I was just about to post "Train/Boat simulator bed", but it looks like someone got there before me...-- hippo, Dec 06 2001 Yeah, this doesn't make much sense to most people I guess, but for those who need it... like me I'm afraid... It's a good thing. I ended up getting a fishtank with a quiet power filter to (sort of) bake this. It sounds a bit like a ship.-- Madcat, Nov 10 2003 ...drifting off to sleep in 'train' mode when suddenly awoken by neighbouring passenger's mobile ringing loudly to the tune of Kylie's "I should be so lucky" followed by "hello?" (repeat x 10). Aaaargh!-- dobtabulous, Nov 10 2003 Damn, Thought I was on to a winner with:
Relaxing Rolling Railway Rythm Rocking Recliner-- rambling_sid, Jan 04 2005 I totally want one of these. I'll trade you a Dreamcast.-- Bukkakinator, Jan 21 2009 I want one that runs around an indoor track.-- Spacecoyote, Jan 21 2009 random, halfbakery