<rant> So, I'm in the pub, and I'm waiting to be served, but the guy in front of me doesn't know what he wants - nor what his multitudinous mates want. But rather than let someone else be served, he runs to and fro, ordering his drinks one by one, and classic of classics, asks for his Guinness last. And he doesn't know if it's cold or regular. The place is quite busy, the staff are doing their best, and this tube is keeping a half dozen people waiting with his anti-social dithering.
Now, I know the barman, a sound bloke, and spoke to him about this. He said his hands were tied as it was company policy to serve people in turn. But he liked my idea:
Barstaff carry a simple device, say, a bell, and if customers behave in tediously objectionable ways like this, they ring the bell, say "Sorry mate, you'll have to wait till I serve that really thirsty guy behind you and you can write your round down when you finally figure it out, here's a pen <under breath> you twat. </under breath>" This policy is clearly stated on a poster in the establishment, much the same as hostelries are currently obliged to display their price list.
That should get things moving.
And do you know what else he did? When the barman was topping up the Guinness, the knob buggered off to the lav so that when it was time to pay, he wasn't even there!!!
I'dve had an accident if I was handing him the Guinness, methinks... </rant>-- saker, May 08 2003 Proper surly barmen do this already with neither the bell nor the sotto voice on the insult. A valid rant nonetheless, from either punter or puntee perspective.-- my face your, May 08 2003 Just trip him as he goes by with the next frink.-- DrCurry, May 08 2003 <annoyed barkeep> No Guinness for you! Come back, one year. Next!-- pluterday, May 08 2003 I entirely take your point, [my face your], that there is a certain amount of power inherently vested in the office of barstaffdom. However, the company also have this policy of sending round "mystery customers," effectively "plants" working for the company to ensure barstaff, smile, say hello, thank you, see you later, all that type of thing. If you were observed getting frustrated with a punter, you lose points, which means you and your colleagues potentially miss bonuses, and you could possibly face disciplinary action.
So I say bell 'em. And let them know why.-- saker, May 08 2003 This has never happened to me, nor have I ever seen it happen, what I have seen, people placing more and more orders with a friend at the bar. The old, oh...and two pints of best....oh and two bottles of reef....oh and.....so on.-- Mr Risk, May 08 2003 Yeah, I was once a waitron in a mystery guested type of establishment (read: hellish chain hotel) and found that it was easy to spot such 'guests' and be nice to them.
I do like the bell, though, imagining a really uppity little shit of a barman dinging with a flourish it in the face of an inconsiderate punter, grinning at them and sliding off to chat to his buddy.-- my face your, May 08 2003 Reminds me of "actsofgord.com". Gord, the manager of a video game store, had a sign to the effect of "Number of days since I have had to serve a complete idiot". He took pride in resetting the sign in front of certain customers.-- supercat, May 08 2003 [Rod's Tiger] - I'd have to say just about all of them do. Especially if they serve food. What do you think the barstaff use to send the order to the kitchen? And as a punter, I usually carry a pen so I don't have to ask the staff for one to do the crossword...-- saker, May 08 2003 I’ve seen order forms in delis for specifying sandwiches.-- AO, May 08 2003 Fair enough [Rod's Tiger], maybe they should be made more available. That could be clearly stated on the policy poster (see idea).
Wouldn't put 'em on the tables though - they'd just end up chewed up on the floor at the end of the night, like the beer mats...-- saker, May 08 2003 <Soup Nazi>Nothing for you! Nothing!</Soup Nazi>-- thumbwax, May 08 2003 That website actsofgord.com, is facsinating [supercat]. That dude has to be the inspiration for the comic book store owner on the Simpsons.-- Zimmy, Mar 16 2006 how about a big chalkboard behind the barman that reads" if your not sure what you want, then try...." with a list of suggestions underneath it-- wakeNbake, Mar 16 2006 random, halfbakery