Send every piece of organic matter on earth into space and then blow it up. This solves a large number of problems. The last death rocket contains you. No point in leaving a job half done.
-- calum, Nov 02 2012

Not quite like hot-waxing The_20Krinkelschutzen_20Plan
This is how you pick up all the assorted organic material - cats, trees, commuters... [lurch, Nov 07 2012]

So if you remained, the job would be only half done. This implies that you comprise half of the organic matter on the planet. You must be pretty fat.
-- pocmloc, Nov 02 2012


By import, not volume.
-- calum, Nov 02 2012


It's pretty tricky to implement a viable global annihilation plan. Some people can be quite hard to convice - you're all like "Get in the bloody Rocket!" and they're all like "Nah, I've got important business on the other side of town." and you're "Well can't it wait?" and they're all "No way, it's my Gran's birthday and I can't miss it this year, or my Dad'll kill me." and you're all "Christ on a bike, why can't you just get in the flaming death-rocket?!" and they're like "I cannae." and you're "Well fuck the fuck off then, you're holding up the queue!" and they're raising aloft a handbag going "Ooooh!" - always with the fucking handbags.
-- zen_tom, Nov 02 2012


True on both counts. Pedants, coincidentally, are going in the first rocket.
-- calum, Nov 02 2012


Perhaps the entire planet could be taken, and sent spinning through the vacuum of space?
-- pocmloc, Nov 02 2012


// Pedants, coincidentally, are going in the first rocket //

Thankyou, we have out own exoatmospheric transport.
-- 8th of 7, Nov 02 2012


Somewhere else other than what?
-- pocmloc, Nov 02 2012


//by import, not volume// Imported? Can't you just leave the same way you got here?
-- lurch, Nov 02 2012


Don't panic...
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Nov 02 2012


Why? [-]
-- sqeaketh the wheel, Nov 03 2012


Because We Can.
-- Alterother, Nov 03 2012


//Send every piece of organic matter on earth into space and then blow it up.//

I think you're going to have a hard time getting every piece of organic matter off the Earth. Some of it is bound to remain as a residual byproduct of the process of getting the rest of it off the Earth. This idea is inherently doomed to failure.
-- ytk, Nov 03 2012


Rather than getting organic matter off the earth, just spray it all with chemical fertilizer so it will loose its "certified organic" classification.
-- scad mientist, Nov 03 2012


The joke being, of course, that theirs is the first death rocket (astronauts being pedants) and they explode before reaching home planet.
-- calum, Nov 03 2012


//you can use chemical fertilisers on organic crops// But you can't use many organic substances.
-- spidermother, Nov 03 2012


So what are you using as rocket fuel, that leaves no organics in the exhaust?

Wouldn't it be easier to just keep going like we're going now? I'm sure we'll use up all the organic material, or become all the organic material, or switch to "organic" foods, or otherwise end all human life, soon enough. And hey, if it ain't human, it don't count anyhow, so Earth would have been "destructed".
-- baconbrain, Nov 03 2012


Is the HB organic? I'd hate to see it get "destructed"!

// Pedants, coincidentally, are going in the first rocket //

"We're going to need a bigger rocket..."
-- Canuck, Nov 03 2012


//So what are you using as rocket fuel, that leaves no organics in the exhaust?// Hydrogen + oxygen, ammonium perchlorate + aluminium, hydrazine, hydrogen peroxide, water + bicycle pump, springs, lead, churches, very small rocks.
-- spidermother, Nov 03 2012


Repressed pedantry is a pretty good propellant all on its own, provided you can control the release.
-- Alterother, Nov 03 2012


Did you know that the collective noun for grammarian is pedanty (as in a pedanty of grammarians)? It's in the OED, so it must be true.
-- spidermother, Nov 03 2012


We have liftoff.
-- Alterother, Nov 03 2012


//water + bicycle pump, springs, lead, churches, very small rocks// Bicycle pumps usually have some kind of rubber seal, small churches almost always incorporate some timber in their construction. Using either of these a s rocket fuel will leave organic materials in the exhaust.
-- pocmloc, Nov 04 2012


//the collective noun for grammarian is pedanty//
That is so delightful that I'm not going to check, for fear you're pulling our collective legs.
-- FlyingToaster, Nov 04 2012


That would be millipedantic.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Nov 04 2012


Fortunately I never learned to play the organ, so I'm safe.
-- DrBob, Nov 04 2012


//Send every piece of organic matter on earth into space and then blow it up.//

Wouldn't it already be 'up' ?
-- AusCan531, Nov 05 2012


// Wouldn't it already be 'up' ? // Well, yes, as in "up in space".

But if the rocket is placed in a geostationary orbit (so as to present an easier target for the "blowing up"), I could, relatively speaking, look "down" on it from my home here in the Great White North (aka Canada). N'est-ce pas?
-- Canuck, Nov 05 2012


Who will be there to launch the last rocket?
-- xandram, Nov 05 2012


You. See in the third sentence.
-- spidermother, Nov 05 2012


Isn't silly season traditionally when Parliament is in recess (Big Brother, football tournaments, paedogeddon (currently a moveable feast))?

I must confess that it wasn't the current US prez'l election that brought this to mind. Instead, I was pondering how those with world-destroying intent (Vogons aside) are apt to consider getting the job part-done as satisfactory, which is interesting, given that if you have the gumption to put a plan of this intent into action, you should blimmin well have the resolution to see it through to completion. I suppose, though, it may be that the evil genius may grow tired of the piddling, pedantic caviling of his scientific advisors and instead turn his attention to having them filleted.
-- calum, Nov 06 2012


The inherent problem with this plan is that some amount of organic material is destined to make it into the orbit of some far off star. It is inevitable that of all the total biomass of Earth that some puffball fungi, lichen, cockroach, or spermatozoon will settle into the dusty bosom of a habitable planet where it will transmorgrify under interstellar radiation into fertile organic substrate from which new life will slowly emerge. Eons will pass and life will again evolve. Hermaphroditic toroids will anomalously reproduce with compatible sexual organs. Sexual reproduction will allow for the variation and diversity of life. Existential crisis will again be reached, masses will be lied to, and organic matter will again be flung on someone's dying whim whereupon the process will again repeat itself.

On some level this idea reflects the inherent ethos of each living man, and every man who has lived. It is inevitable that the organic matter of each will be destroyed through entropy, explosion or otherwise, and the only remaining hope is that relatively microscopic escape pods will find a new home drawn to the rounded globes of distant bodies that are unintelligible, and will forever remain unknown to man. From these bodies new men, and new bodies will arise each with a similar hope, and the same fate of eventual destruction.
-- rcarty, Nov 06 2012


Yeah... that's the inherent problem. Everything else is spot on.
-- Alterother, Nov 06 2012



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