The doorbell rang. I shifted on the dingy old couch, wondering how something so old and disgusting could feel so comfortable. After a moment, the doorbell rang again. I turned over. A third time the bell woke me from my slumber.
I got up with difficulty and padded to the front door. I opened it.
"WhattheFUCKdoyouwantIwassoundasleepandenjoyingit! AndnoIdon'twanttobuyyourdamnvinylsiding!" I said, ingeniously shouting at the top of my lungs and mumbling incomprehensibly at the same time. The damned solicitor scratched the horns sprouting from his forehead and prepared another barrage of sales.
At this moment, a large, yellow, six-sided column in the horizontal position thundered past me. The solicitor barely had time to mention his cost-effective and affordable Toe Vacuum before the eraser end of the Existiential Pencil rubbed him out.
"That'll teach you to ring my doorbell at the unholy hour of five PM," I muttered wrathfully at the smudge that was all that was left of Hell's salesman.
"Thanks," I muttered to no one in particular, carefully keeping away from the very fragile fourth wall.
The Writer scribbled in the margin. "Anytime."-- Eugene, Nov 20 2003 Blue Peter homepage http://www.bbc.co.u...r/makes/index.shtml"....and some sticky-back plastic" [squeak, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004] inspiration: a combo of a wierd dream and somebody calling back four times while I slept. The Toe Vacuum attaches to your toe and cleans your house while you shuffle aimlessly about in your bathrobe. I don't think it's worth posting separately.-- Eugene, Nov 20 2003 Isn't this magic?-- my-nep, Nov 20 2003 Naw, look at the category. I read it more as a proposal for a new belief system.-- yamahito, Nov 20 2003 How is it not magic because of the category? We can just invent gods now?-- waugsqueke, Nov 20 2003 //We can just invent gods now?//
Well... yes. If it was good enough 6000 years ago...-- Detly, Nov 20 2003 It's not really an idea in the sense of an invention, but more a way of looking at the world--we're the story, God's the writer. The basis of the story was a large pencil-like thing shooting out of a doorway, and it became this idea. I didn't really mean it to be taken seriously, mostly I just liked how "Existiential Pencil" sort of rhymed and the thought of solicitors being rubbed out of existance. This category isn't that much different from the "superheros" category, anyway.-- Eugene, Nov 20 2003 I love this idea Eugene. I think this is best suited as a philosophy for, a white collar Zen, Tai Chi for the mind...-- Tiger Lily, Nov 21 2003 As Eugene points out, Waugs, if we can invent superheros, we can invent gods. Some people believe both is fiction, and I think it would be against the spirit of the halfbakery if we discounted ideas based on such viewpoints merely because they differ from our own.-- yamahito, Nov 21 2003 If the Writer scribbled something intelligable in the margin more often, more people would believe in Him.-- squeak, Nov 21 2003 [squeak] ... or her?-- dobtabulous, Nov 21 2003 Well, quite.-- squeak, Nov 21 2003 So, is the pencil God? Or the hand/will of God? And how come it/he/she does your bidding? Hmmm. Now I'm wondering if this has something to do with the Halfbakery Pencil that arrived in my mailbox a while back. I may have to start watching it.-- lintkeeper2, Nov 21 2003 // I think it would be against the spirit of the halfbakery if we discounted ideas based on such viewpoints merely because they differ from our own. //
Oh, not discounting it on that basis. It's all a matter of interpretation of the category. I just hadn't seen it as a "create" sort of place like the superheroes one. But hey, s'cool.-- waugsqueke, Nov 21 2003 [sp. Existential.]
P.S. Both Heinlein (The Kitten Who Walked Through Walls) and Illuminatus have tackled narrator as deity, and I am sure others have too, making this more than a little Half Baked.-- DrCurry, Nov 21 2003 Erase the Salespeople from the Earth, the Waters, the Fish, the Plants, the Animals, the Trees, the Birds, our Sustenance, the Winds, the Thunderers, the Sun, the Moon, the Stars, the Four Beings and Handsome Lake, Oh Existential Pencil.-- thumbwax, Nov 22 2003 All the best apologues pivot around the outcome of choices made, therefore, on behalf of the antagonist, I propose a lesser diety for the supporting role of assistant, the 'Exit-stenciling' Pencil-ling...-- Tiger Lily, Nov 23 2003 This could be very handy for kids who are making a Blue Peter mobile/greeting card/cardboard toy/volcanoe. (soz, non - UKers. I'll find a link)
Never again will they have to interupt their flow of creativity to go and find an adult to push the pencil through the card into a lump of plasticine. Just pray and the pencil will do it for you.-- squeak, Nov 24 2003 Nice one, [Tiger Lily]. Something tells me that the best way curry favor with a Writer As God is to make puns.
[lintkeeper2]-- The Pencil is like the hand/will of The Writer, yes. However, The Writer will not respond to my will, nor your's--all interference is purely for editing purposes. If the protaginist has something challenging coming up in the story, like for instance an evil genius to defeat, a twelve-foot alligator to wrestle, or a math midterm to take, The Writer might lend an Eraser and help the protaginist get his sleep. Annoyances sent forth from Hell ain't got nothin' on math tests.-- Eugene, Mar 04 2004 random, halfbakery