I very rarely need a slip, but today I do. I don't want to change outfits because this is the perfect outfit for today, and for me today. However, my knickers are clinging to my tights. This is not good.
In the process of moving, by accident I guess, I think I threw away my slip. I rarely wear it, and it tends to be a last minute addition.
This has happened to me on other occasions, in other situations.
At work my hose will get a run, or at the beach I've lost my unders while changing clothes, or the dreaded bra quandary, the black bra is the only clean one and you want to wear the white tee shirt.
Open your door, it's the Lingerie Fairy. There at your beck and call. You call and give the size, color and item, and the fairy comes fluttering down to your house. Lacey object in hand. For a price, naturally.
Yes, I need The Lingerie Fairy today.
(Oh yeah, and for men, when you forgot the anniversary, a hot tempting item will magically, sort of, appear at your doorstep, and you're covered so to speak.)-- blissmiss, Dec 02 2009 (?) Tights http://www.uktights.com/A pllace you can get your items for the next day. Better for the men you mentioned, but still okay if you need stuff for the next morning. [uktights, Mar 24 2014] ... gimme a minute here...-- FlyingToaster, Dec 02 2009 nope, it's now or never boner.-- blissmiss, Dec 02 2009 Wouldn't it be simpler to have a strategically located device which imparts a static charge to your underwear, thus preventing knicker/tights adhesion?-- hippo, Dec 02 2009 Lingerie is one of those things that looks so good on the floor.-- RayfordSteele, Dec 02 2009 hippo, only solving part of a complex set of situational problems, is not really a solution, et vous?-- blissmiss, Dec 02 2009 <utter bafflement>
[neutral]-- 8th of 7, Dec 02 2009 your knickers never adhered to your tights [8th]?-- po, Dec 02 2009 No. The Borg have a one-piece bioengineered cybernetic integument which fulfills all the functions (and more) which you humans partially derive from clothing.
(Also,we prefer natural fabrics and favour stockings rather than tights... we will consult Seven of Nine)-- 8th of 7, Dec 02 2009 "However, my knickers are clinging to my tights. This is not good. " You could remove your knickers and/or your tights.
On the other hand, if we're presuming the presence of a magical entity, why do we need to provide it with size, color and item? Surely the fairy knows this and delivered the item before you actually needed it...-- phoenix, Dec 02 2009 worked my way 'round it... so the female version of the "Clean Socks and Underwear" magical-being-not-a-fairy, then.-- FlyingToaster, Dec 02 2009 I worry about the motives of the fairies who volunteer for this job. How does the lingerie fairie know what I have on underneath? What if the lingerie fairie arrives unbidden with something he or she wants me to try on? What if he or she does not promptly leave after handing off the item but is, well, lingery?-- bungston, Dec 02 2009 I wanted to use the word linger...
picturing [8th] in stockings and it aint a pretty sight :)-- po, Dec 02 2009 Victoria's Secret Service?-- tatterdemalion, Dec 02 2009 I love that name. Absolutely love it. May I borrow for my new enterprise?-- blissmiss, Dec 02 2009 Certainly.-- tatterdemalion, Dec 02 2009 Blamo! Slamo!, I just got it. You guys think I mean a real fairy. NO no...that's the name of the company. It's a dial-up service for emergency unders. Does that help? Category...store, chain, as in real?-- blissmiss, Dec 02 2009 There are going to need to be an awful lot of them around for response time to be anywhere near useful. How long would you have been willing to wait around for a delivery [bliss]?-- kaz, Dec 02 2009 I'll [+] it, I can see the attraction, but ... it's not an actual issue for me, unless you can get pizza and beer with the same delivery.
"oh noes, I haven't got any underwear"
"I simply must have something frilly and lacy"
Emergency condom delivery ?-- FlyingToaster, Dec 02 2009 Sorry, what does the fairy come wearing?-- wjt, Dec 03 2009 [+]'d right off the bat and [21Q] I'ma stop ferret litter delivery unless you debone it.-- FlyingToaster, Dec 03 2009 [FT] There ought to be a better word than 'debone' - something like 'eviscerate', although that has a slightly different meaning.-- hippo, Dec 03 2009 Fillet?-- zen_tom, Dec 03 2009 Next time you forget your honey's anniversary, oh Sir Quest, I'd watch out. The Lingerie Fairy may drop granny pants at your house, and say it was the size YOU ordered. That should make for a fun night. Hahahahahhahhhhaaa, evil chortle. Revenge is a mother you hapless glob.-- blissmiss, Dec 03 2009 //a hot tempting item // What? Like a cup of tea or a toasted crumpet? Granny pants, eh? [insert leer here]-- DrBob, Dec 03 2009 <language snob> I'm in favour so long as it's not pronounced "lonjeray". </ls>-- pertinax, Dec 03 2009 //There ought to be a better word than 'debone' //
Perhaps "deossification" although this is specifically the removal of mineral content from bone. Aha! "osteotomise" should do the trick.
The awarding of bread could be "panifery," which nicely brings the side discussion back to the original idea. +-- csea, Dec 03 2009 // <language snob> I'm in favour so long as it's not pronounced "lonjeray". </ls> // how else would you pronounce it?-- po, Dec 03 2009 "lingerie"-- pertinax, Dec 03 2009 I'll accept "lanjeree", at a pinch.-- pertinax, Dec 03 2009 There's a little shop in Montparnasse...
Never mind.-- pertinax, Dec 03 2009 Oh, go on [pertinax], give us the rest of the limerick.-- coprocephalous, Dec 03 2009 + I want!!-- xandram, Dec 03 2009 [FlyingToaster]- //I can see the attraction, but// ...well, are you going to say something? Or just stand there and stare at the clingy parts?-- lurch, Dec 03 2009 umm what ? yes, two double-lattes please.-- FlyingToaster, Dec 03 2009 would "lanjeray" be acceptable?-- po, Dec 03 2009 Wow, a heart does beat under that big hairy chest bra. You sweetie, you.-- blissmiss, Dec 03 2009 yeah, back to the important stuff! I hope spiders don't feature in all this.-- po, Dec 03 2009 Nice one Blissy - magic undeewear.-- The Kat, Dec 03 2009 "putty tat"!-- blissmiss, Dec 03 2009 //would "lanjeray" be acceptable?//
Yes, seeing as it's you, [po]. Mind you, seeing as it *is* you I'm now troubled by the image of a silk basque being worn over a red plush body suit, in such a way that it hides the abdominal TV screen.
This can't be right. It calls for a fiendishly clever moire effect (to be invented by [xenzag], or possibly [Ian Tindale]) which would somehow provide a tantalizing hint of what's on telly.-- pertinax, Dec 15 2009 //nope, it's now or never boner//
How has this not been commented on yet?!?
Well, if it's up to me, then it's up to me:
If I only had a scotch on the rocks for everytime I've had to say that after the sixth scotch on the rocks.-- MikeD, Dec 16 2009 The company sicko finally speaks;-) ( I mean that in a kind and cuddly way, of coarse.)-- blissmiss, Dec 16 2009 "Carrymehose.com"Nice one blissy - but some very confusing wording in the description until I (and possibly our Borg friend) figured out some Transatlantics!BTW - I seem to recall that there are services that will deliver shirts and stuff to hotel rooms for busy, self-important bankers etc who have just stepped off the red-eye and the like. I like this one better though.-- gnomethang, Dec 16 2009 I figured out what I meant a couple of days later.-- blissmiss, Dec 16 2009 I got me slip and me hose confused, you got it?-- blissmiss, Dec 16 2009 Hey, [Bliss], if your serious about the drinks, then could we just skip to the boyfriend/girlfriend part, because I just got a turkey from work and need someone to cook it for me ... that and the apartment is in dire need of a cleaning ...-- MikeD, Dec 17 2009 I think I've traveled that road before. With less than permanent results. (before your time). And I'm a vegetarian. So you need to clean up after yourself, sorry.-- blissmiss, Dec 17 2009 I dated a vegetarian once. When we went to McDonalds, she would order a quarter-pounder combo meal sans meat patty. Then she would meticulously build a patty with the french-fries.-- MikeD, Dec 18 2009 You were dating a veggiehead and you took her to McDonalds? How long did that relationship last?-- normzone, Mar 24 2014 This would be a good side line for the pizza delivery guy. Except The Lingerie would smell like a pizza or the guy.-- popbottle, Mar 27 2014 My household has a Sock Fairy who makes sure I always have fresh socks. She also does underwear.
It's just lovely, really.-- Alterother, Mar 27 2014 //my knickers are clinging to my tights//
Think I'll put that in my file of excuses for not doing anything that day. Not exactly sure what a knicker is, but it sounds like something that people wouldn't want me to get more specific about. Not even sure it's something men are supposed to wear which might assist in discouraging further questions.-- doctorremulac3, Mar 27 2014 What about the opposite? "The Un-Lingerie Fairy". Arrives at a moment notice to remove your lingerie (may require removing your other clothes too...). Naturally, I volunteer to test the concept ;-D although I don't think I would suit a pink tutu & fairy wings...-- neutrinos_shadow, Aug 22 2021 Be carefull how you summon them re spelling of fairy, otherwise you end up with a large boat loaded with tons of underwear docking against your house.-- xenzag, Aug 22 2021 Better dash, or you won't catch the Stranraer Fairy.-- pertinax, Aug 23 2021 random, halfbakery