Whilst working on a way to combat global warming, by cutting the level of sunlight hitting the Earth* I came up with something less stupid.
To whit, that nice sparkly ice floating around in the Oort cloud, in the form of comets etc. Simply send out a drone to bring some of the ice near the Earth, zap it with the orbital rail guns until it's nicely broken up and orbiting the Earth, reflecting light away and making the night sky a bit more interesting.
*the plan was make the Earth further away from the sun, but then I worked out it's easier to do it virtually, by catching the sunlight, then guiding it down (for the sake of argument) 20 million miles of fibre optic cable.-- not_morrison_rm, Dec 22 2015 nasa temperature graph http://climate.nasa...global-temperature/ [pertinax, Dec 27 2015] Prior art (ish...) http://www.fantasti...ny/rings-of-ice.htmNo opportunity for failure at all... [neutrinos_shadow, Jan 05 2016] Could take a bit of time to get there and back. Maybe just settle for aluminizing a nearby pile of space junk?-- RayfordSteele, Dec 22 2015 [nrm] this is an excellent idea, but sadly too late.
I found a much more cost-effective way of halting global warming. Every evening, at precisely 6pm, I pour myself a large G&T and utter the magic words "global warming begone!!". I do this at no charge to humanity - I even pay for my own gin.
I've been doing this for the last 18 years and, so far, temperatures are staying flat.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 22 2015 // I even pay for my own gin //
We know that to be a complete falsehood.
Brew your own gin, yes (Although your Great-Aunt-in-law Dzugashvilli's Bindweed and tractor-oil schnapps is all in all a more rounded beverage) but the idea of a Buchanan of the True Blood paying for their own drink is quite frankly ludicrous.
Oh, and please tell the Intercalary that we've mended it. All it needs is refilling with acid, a new wick, and a dozen Mixed Oxide fuel pins. It runs better with the lid open, but obviously then the neutron flux can be a bit of an issue.-- 8th of 7, Dec 22 2015 // I came up with something less stupid //
Why don't you tell us about it?-- Toto Anders, Dec 22 2015 Well, it might set a dangerous precedent...-- 8th of 7, Dec 22 2015 Gin and tonic with Oort cloud ice, tastes even better when the gin is free.-- the porpoise, Dec 22 2015 // a new wick// Ah. We suspect that will be a short-term solution, since we converted it to electric a while ago.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 22 2015 //why don't you tell us about it
Imagine a long thin aluminium pipe, concertined drastically, in an orbit that keeps it between the earth and the sun. The pipe catches all the sunlight. Gradually the pipe is de-concertina-ed, and forms a long coil. As the Earth is getting virtually further away from the sun, ergo the earth gets cooler.
By a process of rapid yoyo-ing of the tube it should be possible get the amount of sunlight comparable to Mercury, or Jupiter in the same weekend.-- not_morrison_rm, Dec 22 2015 Ooh, Fox Network Satellites... I could find all sorts of uses for those.-- RayfordSteele, Dec 23 2015 //for the last 18 years and, so far, temperatures are staying flat//
True, global warming did stop in 1998. According to NASA (see link), it also stopped in 1944, 1981, 2005, 2010 and 2014. The thing is, on each of these occasions it seems to have stopped at a slightly higher level than the time before.
Clearly, [MaxwellBuchanan] is not drinking enough gin, and international efforts must now be directed towards this aspect of the problem.-- pertinax, Dec 27 2015 Uh, if it stopped 18 years ago, clearly it can't also have stopped in 2005, 2010 and 2014. Also, antarctic ice is growing, which will be a nuisance.
Howevertheless, I will redouble my gin-drinking efforts.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 27 2015 \\ according to NASA. it also stopped in 1944.
Err, I think von Braun was still playing for the other side at that time. Or do you know something we don't?-- not_morrison_rm, Dec 28 2015 //Uh, if it stopped 18 years ago, clearly it can't also have stopped in 2005, 2010 and 2014// Of course it could. It just re-started for a bit, is all. A bit like your old Morris Minor.-- DrBob, Dec 29 2015 //I will redouble my gin-drinking efforts//
Good man!
//do you know something we don't?//
Not much, but I was amused to come across an article on global warming written in 1956 by Aldous Huxley under the heading "Canned Fish". Well, at least, the last two pages were about global warming, while the first three were about the changing nature of work. Anyway, ... "Forty years ago individual specimens of Thunnus thynnus were caught, at certain seasons, in the English Channel and the North Sea; but there was no tuna-packing industry north of Portugal [...] Today [i.e., in 1956] there is a flourishing tunny industry in Norway. And the tuna's is by no means an isolated or exceptional case. Fishes which, not long ago, were thought of as being exclusively tropical, are now caught off the New England coast, and fishes once regarded as natives of the temperate zone have moved into the Arctic. [...] This revolution in the watery world of the fish is a consequence of a larger revolution in the earth's atmosphere - a revolution which is changing the climate of the northern hemisphere and is likely to affect profoundly the course of human history during the next few generations or even centuries. The causes of this climatic revolution are obscure; but its effects are manifest. The glaciers are everywhere melting. The snowpack on the mountains has diminished to such an extent that the Jungfrau is now thirty feet lower than it was when I was a boy. The Spitzbergen archipelago, which used to be open for shipping for about four months out of the twelve, is now open for eight or nine."
Huxley goes on to tell the familiar story of the warm early Middle Ages and the Little Ice Age, and the general difficulty of extrapolation, but then he says this: "Meanwhile, if I had a few millions to invest for the benefit of my grandchildren, I would put them all into Canada rather than Texas. 'Westward the course of empire takes its way.' So wrote the good Bishop Berkeley two centuries ago. Reincarnated today, the philosopher-poet would probably turn his prophetic eyes ninety degrees to the right. Westward no longer, but northward, northward moves the course of empire. The tunas, the pilchards, the sharks and codfish - these forward-looking pioneers have already made the move, or at least are swimming in the right direction. In ever-increasing numbers, men will soon be following their example."
This doesn't prove anything, of course, but it gives me at least one idea - namely that, in the Northern Hemisphere at least, anyone wanting to get away from the negative connotations of the phrase "economic migrants", could try re-designating those people as "FHAs" - "Following Huxley's Advice".-- pertinax, Jan 01 2016 Err, The Kraken Wakes, where those pesky space aliens melt the ice caps to put the zap the human race...-- not_morrison_rm, Jan 01 2016 random, halfbakery