To invigorate the sports arena, I suggest the following modernized events:

10,000 m – Every contestant must run in step to the beat of a drum. The runner with the longest strides wins.

Pole vault – While balancing the pole, climb as high as you can before falling.

400 m – Participants may choose to run with a baby in a stroller or with two dogs on leashes.

Discus – Each takes turn throwing custard pies at the other contestants at 20 m.

Up to 100 m – The runners are anchored with 20m bungee cords. They have 30 seconds to stretch the farthest.

Centathalon – From checkers to shot put to cha cha.

Minithong – 42 km in near-naked more Olympic garb.

High jump – After three bounces on a trampoline, points are given for height over the bar and the dive into a pool on the other side.

Terrain – Dressed as foxes, you are chased 5000 m on an English estate.

Javelin – You throw at moving targets such as a charging rhino or a Canadian goose, at various distances.

10x100 m – At race start, a secret word is whispered to the first runner in each team. Hand-off is done by relaying the word to the next team member. The first team that finishes the race with the correct word wins.

400 m walk – Mixed team couples receive points for best silly walks while arm-in-arm.
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 12 2002

Actually - discus should be 30m + (Brother routinely tossed discus 60m+ still holds school record after 28 years)
-- thumbwax, Aug 12 2002


Don't worry; I've *never* been able to straighten your leg.
-- angel, Aug 12 2002


How about the 100m handstand walk - I'd like to see that. The "runners" would start in the same position as in traditional 100m events (i.e. crouching down, hands on the ground), but when the starter pistol fired, they would flip their legs up over their heads, and handstand-walk like crazy down the track. That, I would watch!
-- pmillerchip, Aug 12 2002


(ministry of) silly walks race
-- sappho, Aug 12 2002


Croissant from me, because it recognises that watching other people play sport is pointless for any reason but entertainment. ever notice that the keenest sports watchers are lardasses, and 90% of professional sports persons are partially or wholly crippled by the time they are 50? Let's make sport OBVIOUSLY risible.
-- pfperry, Aug 12 2002


What? Watching eleven cheating Argentinians rolling around on the floor as if they'd just had their legs cut away with an axe and then blubbing like babies when they lose isn't risible enough?
-- DrBob, Aug 12 2002



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