Both me mum and me supermodel fiancé have poorly defined uvulas and particularly soft palates.

This odds-defying circumstance oft lends itself to some of the most horrendous and god awful snoring ever before experienced here in Stratford on Avon, my home town.

Thank goodness our walls are 17th Century. They are hand-hewn from the ancient old–growth forests, and are virtually sound proof. Were it not for these impenetrable barricade-like walls, the thunderous snoring would most assuredly send me bum over noggin, and drive the poor blokes who live next door completely cricket bats.

Mum and Twiggy both recently purchased Sleep Apnea Masks and the Marks and Spencer on High Street, and there has been remarkable improvement. They sleep much more quietly and soundly, thank you, and are more rested and less irritable.

Unfortunately, these rather cumbersome devices are most always kept in the bedroom, and do not lend themselves well to spontaneous cat-napping, as mum is so wont to do in her favorite Baca lounger in front of the savalas.

And the Twigster, after a hearty serving of bangers and mash, likes to take a nappy on the chesterfield in the study, with a fag and some lollies.

Why not then, methinks, have that noisy apnea mask motor located up in the attic? With hoses extending all over the house?

That way……

Whenever, or wherever you are knackered, you could simply lie down, grab the nearest hose, and give it a go…
-- r_kreher, Jun 01 2008

Sontaneous http://www.sciencem...stract/204/4389/177
[Klaatu, Jun 01 2008]

just try my rather serendipitous invention Snorechestra
[xandram, Jun 02 2008]

That's a possibility, but the machines are rather noisy. They would annoy everyone else. I think it would be an improvement if you had just the hose and mask in every room.
-- r_kreher, Jun 01 2008


perhaps some enticement; fill the hose with a higher concentration of oxygen... or a low concentration of nitrous-oxide.
-- FlyingToaster, Jun 01 2008


Is "sleep apnea" anything like "sleep apnoea"?
sp. "fiancée", unless...let's not go there.
-- AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jun 01 2008


Sp: Spontaneous (or Sonorous).
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 01 2008


+ if you rename the idea to something more descriptive such as "Distributed CPAP" (Continuous Positive Air Pressure.)
-- csea, Jun 01 2008


What does this idea have in common with "neoplastic transformation in vitro: a form of foreign body (smooth surface) tumorigenesis" <link>
-- Klaatu, Jun 01 2008


//sp. "fiancée", unless...let's not go there.// Um... Twiggy? we have to talk.
-- r_kreher, Jun 01 2008


Sontaneous... It is a word from Shakespeare. It is an off-the-cuff, informal and usually unplanned brief sleep. Accompanied by real loud snoring. I just assumed that you knew.
-- r_kreher, Jun 01 2008


bzzzzt!
-- pertinax, Jun 02 2008


Technically interesting, but a more practical solution to the problem is to take a cushion or pillow and place it over the sleeper's face, press firmly until the struggling stops, then count to 500 slowly. No more snores !
-- 8th of 7, Jun 02 2008


I like this idea. It sounds just like a central vacuum system, but in reverse. If it were implemented dual-use, you would want a good filter on the person-mask end.

And when you're done napping, flip the reverse switch and vacuum the cat.
-- Laughs Last, Jun 02 2008


//take a cushion or pillow and place it over the sleeper's face, press firmly until the struggling stops, then count to 500 slowly. No more snores !//

Mum tried that. Blimey!!! i didn't even know i snored.
-- r_kreher, Jun 02 2008



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