Tired of being soft and squishy? Stop being a candy ass and start using the Shaolin Shower Poof Body Hardening system. In as little as four months you can be as hard as woodpecker lips.

The System comprises of four progressively abrasive shower poofs, each coupled with four progressively abrasive body wash gels.

In the first stage, you will begin toughening up your skin with a poof of the same consistency as a plastic dish scouring pad. This pad is coupled with an exfoliating body wash with ground up bits of walnut shell.

In the second stage, you will experience increased body hardening as you move on to a poof, whose plastic strands have been embedded with grains of sand, mated with a body wash with slightly larger bits of walnut shell.

In the third stage of the Shaolin Shower Poof Body Hardening System you will unflinchingly lather yourself up with a body wash liberally sprinkled with large jagged pieces of walnut shell, and scrub your body with a copper scouring pad.

The final stage involves washing with live hornets and using a chunk of limestone as a shower poof.

The body wash gels are hypoallergenic (except fourth stage) and 100% organic.
-- MikeD, Jan 12 2010

eHow: making your own exfoliant with ground-up walnut shells http://www.ehow.com...-walnut-shells.html
"don't use the [food processor] if your warranty doesn't cover use in this way" [jutta, Jan 12 2010]

I have Toyo snow tires and they are the best snow tires I've ever had. http://joshspear.co...es-these-are-nutty/
(they contain ground walnut shells) [xandram, Jan 12 2010]

I've used stage 1 for years; no skin-hardening as of yet but it exfoliates rather nicely.
-- FlyingToaster, Jan 12 2010


//I've used stage 1 for years//

Then you could probably skip straight to stage four, [FT].
-- MikeD, Jan 12 2010


Yeah, stages 1-3 are for poofs.
-- pocmloc, Jan 12 2010


Lots of exfoliating body washes do. They're ground very finely.

Will this lead to a kick-ass all-female fighting troupe, the Shower Poof Girls?
-- jutta, Jan 12 2010


Two countries, divided by a common language...
-- AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jan 12 2010


[21Q] umm, no, just the fibre scouring pad.
-- FlyingToaster, Jan 12 2010


//Two countries, divided by a common language//

Are they not called "poofs" in the U.K.?
-- MikeD, Jan 12 2010


yes, THEY are, but I'm not sure they have any relevance to this thread. Let us just amend my previous comment...
-- pocmloc, Jan 12 2010


Oh luxury...all we had growin up was old barbeque brushes with rock salt, and we Liked It!
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 12 2010


Poofs in the shower are always the worst smelling, I think it's the steam that magnifies the effect. I think the word you're looking for is "pouf"?

[pocmloc] he might be talking about faggots in the shower, but then how would you keep them lit?
-- tatterdemalion, Jan 12 2010


[tatter] Do you mean 'fags'? - wouldn't you just come out of the shower smelling of cheap tobacco?
-- hippo, Jan 13 2010


And possibly West country sauce.
-- tatterdemalion, Jan 13 2010


If your faggots are burning you need culinary advice quick
-- pocmloc, Jan 13 2010


//If your faggots are burning ... //

Or antibiotics.
-- MikeD, Jan 13 2010



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