Construct a hat such that instead of a band circumscribing the interior there are a series of small vertical caterpillar tracks with tiny air bladders behind them. The exterior of the hat would remain almost unchanged and could be available in a variety of styles including Stovepipe, Top and Chimney.

Under calm conditions the hat sits loosely on your head, shielding you from sun (and keeping you dreadfully fashionable) without overheating your head. When the hat is moved, for example by a gust of wind, the bladders inflate, gripping your head, and the hat stays (more or less) in place. Once the upward shift has been halted the caterpillar tracks move the hat back down to its former postition. The faster the air bladders react the smaller the shift of the hat under windy conditions.

To remove the hat, push the discretedly but ergonomically placed release button and the air bladders will stay deflated and unreactive. You may then remove the hat as normal.

Luxury models could include a remote control so that you can adjust the angle of your hat to shield your eyes from a low Sun, or tip your hat at people without moving your arms. Shrugging the hat rather that the shoulders could be used to say "I don't know."

Early models might require that you draw in black pen (or tatoo) a 'tide-mark' across your forehead to allow the hat to settle itself into your preferred position. Surely few will contest that this is a price worth paying for the privilege of wearing such a fine piece of headgear.
-- st3f, Aug 30 2002

Isambard Kingdom Brunel http://www.fen.bris...images/brudrglg.gif
(For those who thought "Who?") [angel, Aug 30 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

The Albert Railway Bridge linking Plymouth, Devon to Saltash, Cornwall http://web.ukonline...brunel/albbridg.jpg
His last project. [angel, Aug 30 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Smokers could have a stovepipe hat that also sucks in, filters and exhausts second hand smoke above their heads.
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 30 2002


Absolutely ridiculous. Gets my vote.
-- angel, Aug 30 2002


In *really* high winds the hat would grip your head securely with little mini-crampons. Sponges just under the rim of the hat would mop up the blood. Croissant.
-- hippo, Aug 30 2002


I would like one of the really tall stovepipe hats of the type that Isambard Kingdom Brunel is often shown wearing. And I'd like mine to be powered by a tiny steam engine.

Croissant.
-- 8th of 7, Aug 30 2002


Two tops please. Will you accept this croissant as payment? Oooh! And a fez, if the R&D department can get it to work.
-- calum, Aug 30 2002


Excellent. The Napoleon hat I habitually sport is of a particularly non-aerodynamic design. This idea sorts the problem of appearing hatted on windy days without also running the risk of looking ridiculously bareheaded. Croissant, mon ami.
-- namaste, Aug 30 2002


namaste: Maybe you could have a hat which automatically turns into the wind, like a weathercock ?Or would you be averse to looking like the Duke of Wellington every time you go round a corner ?
-- 8th of 7, Aug 30 2002


Would the luxury model include a rakish tilt feature?
-- ty6, Aug 30 2002


Now that's really silly!
-- lindylou, Aug 30 2002


This would be ideal for me. I could wear a tri-corner hat as I stand stoicly swaying at the helm of a galleon, looking imperiously windswept... (with a hidden peace of mind because my hat will remain on my head, even in a typhoon, and I will never look like a fool).
-- Jinbish, Aug 30 2002


A self-tipping feature towards members of the opposite gender could be another upgrade.

// steam engine. //

Only if the steam is vented outwards near the proximity of the ears.
-- RayfordSteele, Aug 30 2002


3f... cheers for the concept of hat shrugging.
-- waugsqueke, Aug 31 2002


[jin] "parrot overboard"
-- po, Aug 31 2002


Chinstraps disguised as Abe beards?
-- General Washington, Aug 31 2002



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