If you ever were a young person and worked at a local market, I'm sure you've had suffocating experiences with malodorous or rude customers. Well, this is the day of change! The solution? Adding a "reverse" ability to the store's conveyer belt. As the unwanted customer places his or her items on the belt to be scanned, the cashier can avoid countless terrors by simply setting the belt into reverse. Thus, sending the groceries in a direction opposite the register.
Of course, this option could serve other purposes as well. Some stores give cashiers a trangular piece of heavy plastic that is supposed to force the items on the belt toward hands of the cashier, instead it causes the items to crowd together. Since people usually put eggs on the belt fist and then giant bags of dog food or bottles of soda behind them, this causes eggs to break and creates an unwanted mess. But, with the reverse option on the belt, the cashier could quickly undo the effects of "belt crowding".-- Newo Ikkin, Jul 28 2006 Insert a ludicrous speed button to the reverse control and you'll have my bun.-- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 28 2006 That would be even better! Don't just reject their groceries! Bludgeon them with them!-- Newo Ikkin, Jul 28 2006 Of course, [Newo Ikkin] could simply get a job for which he/she is more temperamentally suited, assuming that such is available. Hey, if you don't like being a checkout jockey, do something else.BTW, [phlish], 'pedal', 'cretin' (unless you're practising to be a checkout jockey).-- angel, Jul 28 2006 Jimmy's not too fond of the "better than everyone else" shoppers who bring too many items to his Express lane either. So he can direct all that customers items to a basket near the end lane where "Grandma would be glad to take you on 15".-- oyea6, Jul 28 2006 BTW [angel], 'practicing'.
I apologize, but the irony was too sweet to resist.-- The Acrimonious Obfuscator, Jul 29 2006 Jimmy is quite fond of this next girl in line. He has had a crush on her for hours and she seems to be interested in Jimmy as well. Now is the time to play it cool. Leaning nonchalantly on the counter to strike up a riveting conversation, Jimmy forgot that he had left the counter on in reverse going at ludicrous speed.
As his hand touches the counter, Jimmy's arm is flung out from under him, smacking the cute girl in the face causing multiple fractures and a dislocated eyeball. Jimmy falls forward, hitting his face on the belt, ripping Jimmy's face off in a splatter of skin and blood.
Jimmy sure won't forget to turn off that belt next time, you can bet on that.-- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 29 2006 ow [spoon]. i take it you were one of jimmy's customers?-- tcarson, Jul 29 2006 No, I AM Jimmy. On that fateful day, they fixed my face with the only thing they had- used spoons. They did the best they could but now I shall be evermore known as---- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 29 2006 [angel] - I take it you never lived in the middle of nowhere without a choice of a job? I actually love the customers... but there are some who make me wish for a reverse button.
Thanks everyone for the comments, I couldn't stop laughing! It made my day. :)-- Newo Ikkin, Jul 30 2006 but they are already reversible?-- theircompetitor, Jul 31 2006 I apologize; I forget about some of the cultural variants of words. Frankly, I have not come across that one before, the c and s switch. Two lands seperated by a common language, right? And then Canada is stuck somewhere in the middle....-- The Acrimonious Obfuscator, Aug 01 2006 The extra e is only used in Britain by shops whose target market is American tourists. It's like the way that Australians only say "as dry as a dead dingo's donger" when they are overseas and talking to non-Australians.-- pertinax, Aug 01 2006 practice and practise are different words, with different meanings, like license and licence.-- neilp, Aug 01 2006 a most excellent idea + even better where they sell paint +-- xenzag, Aug 01 2006 An intersting idea, but isn't the cashier's ability to refuse customers based on a personal preference the same that was prevalent in 'white-only' shops during the earlier half of the twentieth century? What would sending the food back at the customers prove? The proper way to deal with rude customers is to take out a ten dollar 'tip' from their total. Welcome to the HalfBakery, [Newo Ikkin].-- jellydoughnut, Aug 03 2006 /The proper way to deal with rude customers is to take out a ten dollar 'tip' from their total./
Computers make that a really hard thing to do and it's not really worth it to lose your job over. However, you could always put their eggs on the bottom and set it really hard into the cart, mix up their cold/frozen stuff with the warm (ooh, that'll get 'em), or put their change on the counter just out of reach for them to retrieve themselves.
It's the small things in life that make it worth living...-- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Aug 03 2006 //you could always put their eggs on the bottom and set it really hard into the cart, mix up their cold/frozen stuff with the warm (ooh, that'll get 'em), or put their change on the counter just out of reach for them to retrieve themselves.//
That's not normal behavior...
Hmm, I guess I better start shaving, and wear something other than this grey sweater when I go out to buy my 17 magazines.-- ye_river_xiv, Aug 03 2006 See third anno from top.-- jellydoughnut, Aug 04 2006 ^_^ A ten dollar tip would be nice... unfortunately, my grocery store has cameras. EVERYWHERE. Being female - I don't know how many of you live in redneck territory - I really don't appreciate it when smelly, googly-eyed, creepy, old men grab at my hands and wink at me... I'd rather just heave their groceries back at them. I don't know who it was who posted the queue buzz idea, but that would work nicely as well.
Thanks for the welcome jellydoughnut, this has got to be the most civil online community I've joined in a long time.-- Newo Ikkin, Aug 23 2006 random, halfbakery