My idea is simply to have "popular chart hits" (as Sir Cliff would probably call them) playing through the station tannoys on the Underground in the morning. This runs the risk of being annoying, but I don't think that I could feel any more irritated at Victoria at 0830 than I already do each morning anyway. I have a hunch Londoners might even like a bit of Kylie before work. The tannoys normally pump out incomprehensible distortions of human voices that are just trying to communicate wholly inaccurate information anyway, so there would be no loss on that score either. I propose a trial period of two months.
-- Redbrickterrace, Nov 08 2001

Banana Boat song http://singalongwithme.com/banana/
for lewisgirl [hippo, Nov 08 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Talibanana Boat Song http://bbspot.com/F.../10/talibanana.html
parody version of above [hippo, Nov 08 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Banana Boat song http://www.geocitie...iesheaven/dayo.html
same as the first link, but with less intrusive graphics [hippo, Nov 08 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

The Subway Piranhas http://www.newtrix.com/poems/edm-subw.htm
Alternative underground entertainment [pottedstu, Nov 08 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

I can think of quite a few people who would like a bit of Kylie before work.
-- angel, Nov 08 2001


Peter- wouldn't Muzak consist of easy listening instrumental versions of chart hits and not the real Minogue?
-- Redbrickterrace, Nov 08 2001


I'm nearly sure that they play classical background music on the underground in Prague but I'll need to 'Czech' that out.

<later> Barcelona, that's it.
-- stupop, Nov 08 2001, last modified Nov 09 2001


Can't be worse than those Romanian 12-year-olds who ride the District line all day playing Accordions and hassling people for money (oh yes - and that guitarist on the District line whose repertoire is limited to "Imagine" - the worst, most whiny song ever written).
-- hippo, Nov 08 2001


Hippo - I know exactly who you mean and he is insufferable.
-- Redbrickterrace, Nov 08 2001


I thought this would be an idea to transmit radio signals to people with portable radios on the tube, where normal radio transmissions do not reach. That would at least be optional. (Even "Spinning Around" gets annoying by the 500th listen).
-- pottedstu, Nov 08 2001


There are very few things better at raising my faith in humanity than hearing the tube announcer giving a bit of chat over the PA. A couple of months ago on a Friday evening pulling into the last stop the announcer said,

"OK ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brixton, the weekend starts here. Have a wonderful time and I hope we'll see you safe and relaxed on Monday morning."

It was a simple touch but nearly everybody leaving the train was smiling.

With regards to reading, maybe every second carriage could be silent?
-- stupop, Nov 08 2001


For alternating radio and silent carriages to work in practice, the passengers need to be able to quickly and easily change carriages.
-- vincebowdren, Nov 08 2001


every third carriage could be clean
-- po, Nov 08 2001


so what's wrong with "mind the gap"? hearing it being repeated over and over gives one a soothing, nurtured kind of feeling.
-- mihali, Nov 08 2001


Like pottedstu, I thought this would be underground radio broadcasts, which would be OK. Piped Kylie, though, would make me start shoving people under the rails. Couldn't you just get a personal stereo of some sort?
-- Guy Fox, Nov 08 2001


Couldn't we have Capital Radio debatable I know but Chris Tarrant's humour suits me. Something this morning about a chap on a bike meeting a bear in New York - he fell off his bike and the bear got on it and pedalled away - true????
-- po, Nov 08 2001


Could you recruit the tannoy announcers from the Royal College of Music or RADA (and the rest)? Then instead of chart-tastic sounds which would be as samey as any radio station gets, the announcers could deliver the messages in song, or rhyme, or tppcppc, or haiku.

Siiixxxteen!
Platform Siiixxxrteen!
Go to Gatwick if you wanna fly south.

(To the tune of the Trio advert)
-- lewisgirl, Nov 09 2001


[lewisgirl] Do you mean the Banana Boat Song? (see link). Having *all* station/train announcements in Banana Boat Song format is a Good Idea.

[Signal fail're a' Glo'ster Road
(You wait fo' the train and min' the gap)
Signal fail're a' Glo'ster Road
(You wait fo' the train and min' the gap)
Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
etc.]
-- hippo, Nov 09 2001


What's wrong with getting a walkman and listening to yr own selection? Other people's idea of what I want to hear are rarely the same as my own.
-- -alx, Nov 09 2001


yes hippo, that's the one I meant but I couldn't recall the name.

For trav'ling to work via Thameslink
It is worth, I should say, having a long think
Trends of failure do prevail,
(DrBob has a tale)
And one might instead go for a long drink.

That's poor. Sorry.
-- lewisgirl, Nov 09 2001


"Come Mista junky man, ask me for some money (What's dat smell man? me wanna go home)"
-- stupop, Nov 09 2001


Thanks for the mention, lg.

I like Rods' take on this idea. Something culturally specific to the Underground rather than just piping in an existing commercial station. You could have letter-boxes on the platforms so that you can just drop in requests or messages without any hassle.

Hollllll-born! This is Ho-o-olborn!
Change to the Central line for Tottenham Court Ro-oad!
-- DrBob, Nov 09 2001


Catford, Ca-a-atford Bridge;
Get off here if you ain't got Zone 4 ticket.
-- lewisgirl, Nov 09 2001


I dread to think what would happen if they started piping in music on the Glasgow underground, come to think of it. The trains are so small and dinky and almost all bright orange, so the tube has acquired the nickname of the "Clockwork Orange". I just have images of ultraviolence erupting every time the DJ puts on Mozart.
-- Guy Fox, Nov 09 2001


You could have a different song from a musical or different part of a novel read or played at each station, and the challenge would then be to navigate around the stations in order, naturally ending up at Mornington Crescent. There would be especial kudos attached to finding non-standard solutions.

(Note: It's not fair, I want an underground. In Edinburgh we might be getting a guided busway -- if we're lucky.)
-- pottedstu, Nov 09 2001


Feh. I'm sorry, but this idea is terrible (unless I get to be the D.J., of course). If your tube is anything like my subway, the last thing we need is to make it *more* annoying.

[Guy Fox] I think that was Beethoven.
-- snarfyguy, Nov 09 2001


Dear Redbrickterrace,

Is that an address on the Yellowbrickroad?

Perhaps as you pay your fare, the traveller could also push a button upon entering that would cast their vote for the selections of music to be played for the following half hour?

What would I likely listen to on my little trip from South Ken to Surrey?
-- Oolahboolah, Nov 11 2001


According to Glaswegian poet Edwin Morgan, in every subway train there's one particular seat, outwardly ordinary, but beneath which lives a tank of piranhas, who get pretty agitated by the constant banging, starting and stopping. The transport executive, Morgan says, turns an honest penny selling the skeletons to medical schools. Because, of course, if the person next to you on the subway is being eaten by piranhas, you wouldn't want to say anything or even look their way.

I hope this information will provide non-musical entertainment on your next underground journey. (See link.)
-- pottedstu, Nov 11 2001


[Oolahboolah], you live in South Ken but commute to Surrey? My, we are honoured...
-- lewisgirl, Nov 12 2001


The Underground could commission songs with a 'tube' theme, to be played on 'tube fm' - like the mind the gap rap, please give up your seat, baby, if that old, yeah yeah, that old folk needs it... oh yeah
-- tjf4375, Jun 12 2002


If everyone's fighting over a bit of Kylie before work, can I have her after work?
-- NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002



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