Attendants will be dressed as D.P. Gumby. The Hells Grannies and people from the ministry of silly walks will be wandering about the park a la Mickey Mouse + Goofy from Disneyland.
The park is split into a 4 areas. A medievel area, a Roman quarter and a garden surround a central non-specific hub.
In a central area of the park there will be many stalls and fete-like games – The chance to throw stones at Methias - There will be some kind of quiz/competition where people must answer questions three, 'ere the prizes they see – and of course there shall be haggling at all of the shops. “10 for that? You must be mad”. There will be no arguing - unless specifically paid for.
Restaurants with cutlery, slightly discoloured (although clean), will serve delicious (mainly spam-based) food all day. The waiting staff will re-enact the sketch where a customer complains - followed by the chastising of many freakish staff members. Like 'old faithful', Mr Creosote will explode every hour (none of the throwing up - that was disgusting, it might put people off the lunch. Unlike the exploding entrails). Background music will be provided by 'Fritz & his performing Hamsters'.Patrons will eat. And there will be much rejoicing.
There shall be a medievel area.This will include : i)an 'Assualt-on-the-Castle Course'.ii) A ride that goes through a dark cave - at the entrance will be Tim the Enchanter (and alot of fire + pyrotechnics), the Beast and Brother Maynard with the holy hand grenade.iii) The Black Knight, who can be challenged to mortal combat (a pillow fight of some description) to win a prize.iv) hourly perfomances from 'The Knights of the Round Table' dancing troupe.
There shall be a Roman quarter with various ancient looking sandstone houses – :i) You can go inside and try to spot as many members of the PFJ (Peoples Front of Judea) as possible.ii) Street preachers/perfomers will entertain throughout this sectioniii) A roller coaster ride will operate like the space shipe ride from Life of Brian – driven by two crazy aliens, and very loud music is played. At the endthere will be a camp man: "oooh lucky bastard". iv)There shall be very poor quality gladiator fights. Snacks available will be of the Roman Imperialist tit-bit variety.
For a more relaxing time there shall be a beautiful garden: mainly made up of two shruberies - set on two levels with a stream running through them. And some larches.
In any place, at any time patrons could be set up on by a group of scarlet-clad puritans: for no-one expects the Spanish Inquistion! - Fortunately, they will just tickle the guest, politely inquire how their stay has been and offer some lovely ice cream or candy-floss (cotton candy).-- Jinbish, Jun 16 2003 the web site http://www.pythonline.com/ [mrthingy, Oct 05 2004] I thought this would be a rack in which to keep one's snakes in whilst one went shopping.-- oneoffdave, Jun 16 2003 naked organist?-- po, Jun 16 2003 //You've really thought about this a wee bit too much//[Harold] : Its either that or work!
[po] : Sure, if you're offering.-- Jinbish, Jun 16 2003 I presume this is set near the seaside, where the entrance gates are, so someone in rags can run up to you and shout "It's ..."
Not too sure about the Gilliamesque feet that will trample you every so often.-- PeterSilly, Jun 16 2003 Please no Knights of the Round Table dancing troupe! I hate that part. The rest is excellent though. +1-- jediprincess_3, Jun 16 2003 do you want an argument?-- po, Jun 16 2003 Yes. Right. Can we have your liver then?-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jun 16 2003 Are you Mary, Queen of Scots?-- PeterSilly, Jun 16 2003 Shut that bloody bouzouki player off!-- krelnik, Jun 16 2003 And now for something completely different.-- phoenix, Jun 16 2003 Will the Restaurants serve salmon?<>br If the park is in Texas you can do the man who choses his own means of execution.-- Zimmy, Jun 16 2003 Don't forget the *Every Sperm Is Sacred* ride.-- thumbwax, Jun 16 2003 make the seats softer then & a cooling breeze-- po, Jun 16 2003 Every park employee should have "Bruce" on their nametag.-- krelnik, Jun 16 2003 Let's not forget the sideshow, please, which features a man with three buttocks.
And will there be an undertaker there, where we can bring our mothers for a good meal?-- Guncrazy, Jun 16 2003 New for next season: the "Human Life" section. This will have a general linking theme of fish and will include: i) The world famous *Every Sperm is Sacred* ride. Its like a crazy cross between a rollercoaster and individual bumper-cars. Much like the 'rainbow' track in Mariokart64 (I'll get a link later).ii)Live school rugby matches (men vs boys). more details as they are published...
The security guards will be clothed in long black robes and carry scythes. If asked - you had better go with them.-- Jinbish, Jun 16 2003 All the gardening equipment had better be kept in two sheds.
And there's the science exhibit, proudly displayed by Ann Elk (Miss).-- PeterSilly, Jun 16 2003 "Which way to Castle Anthrax ??"-- 8th of 7, Jun 16 2003 And, I would guess, dead parrots in the gift shop.-- DrCurry, Jun 16 2003 No, they're just resting .... tired and shagged out after a long squauk.-- 8th of 7, Jun 16 2003 Is this in Basingstoke, Westphalia?-- PeterSilly, Jun 16 2003 Every weekend a crowd gathers to watch someone pretending to be Thomas Hardy start a new novel. Followed immediately afterward by the fish slapping competition.
In the restaurant someone comes around and asks you if your wife is 'a go-er'.-- waugsqueke, Jun 16 2003 ....and the guides comprise as many Gumbys as possible. Pointing out places of interest whilst ''Banging Two Bricks Together' tm (or however you do it.)-- gnomethang, Jun 16 2003 Will there be a cheese shop?-- PiledHigherandDeeper, Jun 16 2003 CLOP clop CLOP clop CLOP clop.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jun 16 2003 Can I be heckled by Frenchmen? Please?!?-- Cedar Park, Jun 17 2003 I would love this place, surely there would be some short term living facilities? Also I'm sure that the clear-cutting of whatever forestry would most absolutely be done... WITH A HERRING!! (ni ni).-- PollyNo9, Jun 17 2003 "Ah falt en yoeur jaynayhral dihrecktion"-- Zimmy, Jun 17 2003 Will there be a family living in a brown paper bag inside a septic tank?-- mrthingy, Jun 17 2003 Gift shop well stocked with books by Chammmmrles Dikkensq. And they buy the books for you.-- phundug, Jun 17 2003 Will there be faerie nodules in the trees? And a silver scuppernong that bodes you a fare-thee-well and tuppence? And of course the restaurant would have to offer Minister Marbry's quite wee wines!-- beauxeault, Jun 17 2003 and perhaps there could be courses offered there on how not to be seen, or how to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana-- demo_nova, Jun 17 2003 Perhaps a mincing soldier parade, hourly?-- my face your, Jun 17 2003 There should also be a family licking the road clean with their tongues.-- mrthingy, Jun 17 2003 All who enter shall be given coconuts to 'ride.'
The frenchmen should be posted by the entrance gates.
Somewhere, a witch will be on trial.-- RayfordSteele, Jun 17 2003 //Will there be a cheese shop?//
With of course all delightful manifestations of the Terpsichorean Muse. Come Again?-- gnomethang, Jun 17 2003 // Holy hand grenades available at the gift shop. //
My cup runneth over ..... American Express ?-- 8th of 7, Jun 17 2003 //dead parrots //
"Pining for the fjords?!?"-- jivetalkinrobot, Aug 11 2003 Will there be biting moose?-- spram0, Jan 21 2004 Dodge the flying sheep and watch the mice men go mad at the cheese shop.Welcome to my world.-- python, Jan 21 2004 And in this restaurant, The Penis Song should be played regularly. But not too often.-- Detly, Jan 22 2004 random, halfbakery