The office trainee put on the protective brush clothing and slipped head-first into a polycarbonate tube about 2ft diameter. The assistant closed the hatch and pressed 'start'.
The air valve opened, and the fan blasted air into the end of the tube. After countless loops and turns, vertical rides over buildings and fly-pasts through the local mall, the trainee arrived at a receiving chamber, where air flow slowed down and he fell onto a soft bed.
The air flow stopped, and the trainee stepped out into the mail room.

"Here, could you sign for this? Are you sure there isn't anything else you want...please? It's no trouble. No trouble at all."
-- Ling, Jul 15 2005

Pneuman http://www.berrysme...infeld/newmanwv.htm
Also known as Wayne Knight, the human cleaning plug, when not doing Seinfeld re-runs. [jurist, Jul 18 2005]

Other personal service Curb_20Side_20Blow_20Job
[theircompetitor, Jul 18 2005]

Lay vs. Lie, a link for Ling http://www.uottawa....ammar/confverb.html
There you have it. Explained. [neilp, Jul 19 2005]

Crystal Palace Atmospheric Railway http://www.loveplum...CrystalPalace1.html
Whole offices of trainees could deliver personally, then. [Dub, Nov 02 2005]

Direct link to pneumatic railway at Crystal Palace http://fdelaitre.club.fr/Crystal.htm
[Ling, Nov 03 2005]

//polycarbonate tube about 2ft diameter//That's a small office trainee you've got there [Ling]!
-- DocBrown, Jul 15 2005


// After countless loops and turns, vertical rides over buildings and flypasts through the local mall//

"here, let me just wipe that gloop off of your mail for you"
-- skinflaps, Jul 15 2005


-Get in the tube Mike! -But Boss, there's a blockage! I'll be crushed! -That'll teach you to go to the Halfbakery during work hours! Get in! -But-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- [His screams are abruptly halted as he slams into a thick iron bar at 250km/h.]
-- dbmag9, Jul 15 2005


Not through the turns where everyones' noses are pressed to the tube. Ugh.
-- reensure, Jul 16 2005


Also available for immediate installation at your nearest theme park.
I think appropriate clothing protection (hat, gloves) could take care of unwanted friction burns. But I suppose that different sized riders could lie* in a transport device.
Regarding gloop and other debris: a cleaning device could be occasionaly sent up the tube.

*UB caught me - "lay"
-- Ling, Jul 17 2005


//a cleaning device could be occasionaly sent up the tube// Ling, I think you covered that with the "office trainee" part.
-- baconbrain, Jul 18 2005


"Hey Charlie...Remember when you asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?..."
-- Freefall, Jul 18 2005


Dear Consumer,
There seems to be a pre-occupation with the danger of this conveying system. Pneumanic Systems Inc. denies that there is any risk associated with any of its products. All rumours are unfounded; the result of over-active imaginations. Any further enquiries can be discussed in person by riding the nearest tube to "Pneumanic Systems Complaints Department". We promise there are no iron bars in the tube. In fact we send a trainee* up the tube regularly to check.

*any mess is cleaned up immediately**

**of course, there isn't any mess***

***we wouldn't lie to you, would we?

Yours sincerely,
-- Ling, Jul 19 2005


Hmm... should it be "lay"? Somehow, it doesn't sound right, to me. Are there any pedants who would care to explain?
-- Ling, Jul 19 2005


[ling] see lingk.
-- neilp, Jul 19 2005


Ah, so I stand corrected. Thanks.
-- Ling, Jul 19 2005


This was a bar conversation we had with some folks years ago... except pill-like pods were used and it was for super-quick bar hopping. i.e. Our bars close at 2am but "afterhours" clubs only open 'til 3am. +
-- Zuzu, Nov 02 2005


Baked back in 1864 - Crystal Palace? [Link]
-- Dub, Nov 02 2005


Dub, I stayed at Dulwich Wood Park Road, during my Undergraduate years, which is shown on the map. I sure would have appreciated the tube from Crystal Palace back then, instead of cycling into central London every day.
-- Ling, Nov 03 2005


Sorry, it was a (very) bad pun on 'manic'
But I think you knew that, right?
-- Ling, Nov 03 2005


"Excuse the vomit on your packages please sir" not such a great idea
-- robbie the rocker, Dec 24 2005


Anyone remember what happens when someone gets stuck in a waterslide? LOL
-- Jkolmar, Dec 25 2005



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