When staying some friends who lived on a secluded property, I very quickly became aware that the local wildlife were also staying there. This wouldn't have bothered me except i] that they had different sleeping patterns to me partying all night while I was trying to sleep and ii] there were a lot of them: one or two I could handle.

I questioned my friends about these irksome animals and why nothing was done to keep them from pissing off sleeping humans. They said that the number of solutions they had come up with (shooting, poisoning, netting, etc...) were all unnecessarily cruel. Anyway, after a couple of weeks, you live with the scratching and pitter-pattering of the animals as they traverse the tin guttering and roofing of the house.

So after (I can assure you very little) thought, a novel solution popped into my head. Why not train one squirrel, possum or whatever, to routinely and quietly patrol the perimeter of the house and, if any other birds, or small animals try to take up residence, train it to put the smack down. This way the human occupants get a cute pet by day, and a rent-a-cop style thug by night, and the lucky animal gets a free home and food. Everybody wins.
-- sdm, Jun 28 2001

Genetic enginearing could give the squirrel the ability to hold riot gear...
-- RobertKidney, Jun 28 2001


Not to be simple-minded about this, but wouldn't a housecat be ideal? At the very least one could stop the gap until squirrel bionics become more affordable.
-- Monkfish, Jun 28 2001


I was hoping this was going to be some anti-Tom Petty Gang idea.
-- AfroAssault, Jun 28 2001


It would probably work as a Petty-control measure. I uprooted Tom from his squat in my garden by borrowing a cat. Well, puma.
-- Monkfish, Jun 28 2001


what have you got against tom petty?
-- technobadger, Jun 28 2001


just a bob dillon wanna-be.
-- wrinklehead, Jun 29 2001


Thanks for not saying o possum.
-- yunohu, Jul 31 2001


D-y-l-a-n. God, I lament the sad state of affairs when every '1/2 idea' - new or old - I've seen in 15 minutes this early morn' presents some annotations with ludicrous spelling errors... Really gets my gander - speaking of which - Geese is/are the correct answer.
-- thumbwax, Jul 31 2001


Geese? the cure worse than the disease. they are REAL noisy buggers.
-- pfperry, Jun 29 2002



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