Sheryee, Neville's gonflable friend, was showing her age.

Sighing, Nev hunted for his hardening tube of contact adhesive, and rubbed the residue off a shred of second-hand prophylactic.

Surely there had to be an easier way! (He barely had the puff to blow her... erm... up anymore!)

So, yeah, Nev had tried your off-the shelf lubes in an effort to take the strain off Shezza's pink bits, but they always tasted like... urkh... when he went to give her her bit of pleasure.

Over a schooie at the Hog's Bits, Nev's nerdy mate Quentin agreed.

Over their seventh schooie, the two misfits hatched a plan.

Nev hot-footed it to the bogs to avail himself of a square of loo-roll.

-This orta do the biz, Q-boy nodded as Nev rubbed the paper around above the arm-hole of his faded blue wife-beater.

The next day, Quentin giggled girlishly as he fed the soggy morsel into the machine. His boss at Mass-Spectrometers-R-Us would never know why he'd become an instant millionaire. He carefully titrated the exact mix of esters, minerals, and assorted gluggy shite into a beaker, mixing in a considered ratio of a well-known brand of odourless, flavourless personal lubricant.

That night, as Neville lowered his shapeless maw between Shezza's plump thighs, his only hope was that she'd enjoy this as much as he would.
-- m_Al_com, Mar 21 2007

Yay.
-- skinflaps, Mar 21 2007


What's a schooie?
-- theleopard, Mar 21 2007


Beer. Should be sold in a pot. Unless it's Kilkenny.
-- the dog's breakfast, Mar 21 2007


Why did I read that all the way through? Now I need to go shower with scouring powder and gargle with boiling bleach.
-- Galbinus_Caeli, Mar 21 2007


My Eyes! My Eyes! I can no longer feel my eyes!
-- Blisterbob, Mar 21 2007


I think I'm gonna barf. Just for the write up. But I'm still bunning the idea.
-- Noexit, Mar 21 2007


"[benfrost] has a similar product. rcarty, Mar 21 2007"

Heh, funniest thing I've heard for a while.

As for the idea...it sort of reminds me of a [farmerjohn] commentary, gone evil bad.
-- blissmiss, Mar 21 2007


This actually is something that they need to make - well, the odorless, flavorless version at least

Why the sweat aspect would ever be necessary is beyond me. *shudder* Though pocari sweat is still quite the popular beverage, I suppose.
-- Smurfsahoy, Mar 21 2007


[rcarty]: where? I tried to find it. In fact, I gave special attention to [benfrost] (no jokes now, mature people).

I figure if anyone in the whole entire world had done this, it'd be [bf].
-- m_Al_com, Mar 22 2007


The title and subtitle contain quite a good idea. From there onwards it descends into the ramblings of a long-darkened mind.
-- wagster, Mar 22 2007


Also available in personalised "Shezza-Flavours".

Obviously.

<rapid voiceover> ...your Shezza need not be gonflable. May contain traces of nuts. </rv>
-- m_Al_com, Mar 22 2007



random, halfbakery