This way if you wanted to prove you had been somewhere like for an alabi for a case, then you could opt in to the nationally networked penis database and associate your social security number with your penis history. But if you preferred privacy then you could remain annonymous, but the system would still recognize that the same penis had been here or there. The government could experiment with this only in public restrooms. It would be less controversial than the national face recognition database that you know they are already keeping.

You know they already have this.

I guess the system they already have probably associates only what is exclusively public information - that the same penis or face was in one place at a certain time and then another place at another time, and creates a history based on this information and does not associate it with private information.
-- JesusHChrist, May 16 2012

Big Brother is watching you pee.

Isn't this gender discrimination? Every yoni is unique as well, and plenty of women need alibis.
-- Alterother, May 16 2012


Bun only if there are lice screens in public parts of the building.
-- pocmloc, May 16 2012


Are there enough combinations of characteristics to make an ID? What parameters would be recorded? There's size, color(s), bend, urine spray radius, foreskin status... Peeing penii are not erect enough to get accurate vein pattern measurements.

Are penises unique enough for this to work?
-- tatterdemalion, May 16 2012


<glances crotch-ward and whispers>
"Don't you listen to them Richard, you're special, and wonderful, and gosh darn it people like you."
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 16 2012


Speaking only for myself, I'm absolutely certain that my gentleman thomas is without identical peerage.

Mayhaps one of the Lady 'Bakers will care to confirm the correlation between their glorius portal and a snowflake, i.e. delicate, beautiful, and no two alike.*

It isn't without good reason that Hinduism places the identity of the soul within the First Chakra.

*I'm actually being serious. We Pagans have certain views on such things.
-- Alterother, May 16 2012


Meh, it would work as well as current facial recognition does, which means that to make sure that I'm not recognized all I'd have to do is put a glasses and a mustache on my unit.

And if you've read William Gibson's latest work, you'd know that the database has a built-in opt out, and get the tatoo.
-- normzone, May 16 2012


You may feel a prick...

Do you mean 'Distrust That Particular Flavor', which I don't have yet, or is there something from 'Zero History' that I've forgotten about?
-- Alterother, May 16 2012


They're already doing this, don't you know?
-- RayfordSteele, May 16 2012


This sounds like the setup for some sort of porn-parody spy thriller. You know, like instead of replicating the target's fingerprints, they need to get a cast of his penis somehow... and luckily, secret agent Jaynee Bondage (of MI-69) is just the lady for the task.
-- ytk, May 16 2012


Surprised this isn't a plot device in an Austin Powers movie.
-- RayfordSteele, May 17 2012



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