I’m no girl. But if I was, I’d resent carrying a handbag around with me, making it difficult to dance, play cello or scale walls. Now if I was a stripper I could simply tuck certain non-heavy objects into the top of my stockings. But the girl I’m not, is not that kind of girl. The difficulty with pockets on the other hand, is they obscure my hard-won outline.

So I’d wear pantryhose. These are like ordinary tights, but with various pockets and pouches sewn into a reinforced gusset for storing my keys, phone, credit cards, lunch and whathaveyou. With pantryhose I’d stride out into my highfalutin job, confident, unencumbered, and packing.
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002

Pantryhose in the news http://www.theaustr...8%255E29677,00.html
Contraband fish trafficking ring busted [General Washington, Jun 30 2005]

<obligatory misreading>...been at the 'bakery too long - I misread this as "Pastryhose"</obligatory misreading>
-- hippo, Sep 20 2002


Sah!, Nice idea!, Sah!.
Sah!, The men and I clubbed together to get you this croissant, Sah!
-- Zircon, Sep 20 2002


Aw shucks Z, that wasn't necessary. I just like the idea of sneaking my martial fingertips up a goosepimply thigh to find a Scotch Egg waiting.
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


Yes. My only concern is that the requisite gusset-rummaging to extricate your mobile might detract somewhat from the cool poise required by your highfalutin job.
-- whimsickle, Sep 20 2002


That wouldn't be necessary, whimsickle. My hands-free kit would snake up my body and be plugged into my ear at all times. All's I'd have to do to answer, would be to nudge myself up against something.
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


Yes. This is great.

Batteries work better in warm conditions, and the warmest part of the human body is the "barse" (don't know what the medical term is) between your front and rear exit-holes. Wear pantryhose and get better value from your electrical appliances on those long winter nights.

Also, I know of navvies/labourers who regularly wear their lady wife's tights under their denims when they're at work in the cold, so you'd have no trouble marketing this as a masculine product.
-- calum, Sep 20 2002


periscope.
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


You could keep an always-ready chello in 'em
-- Zircon, Sep 20 2002


Cheers, UnaBubba. Thanks to you, I now have a new internet name.
-- calum, Sep 20 2002


<Oprah audience member> You go girlfrenulum.
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


It's frenulumalum, thank you very much.
-- calum, Sep 20 2002


Is your kitchen sink leaking or are you just happy to see me?
-- FarmerJohn, Sep 20 2002


Biggest eoo of the day, FJ. I salute you. Oh no, that's my bellybag codpiece [qv].
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


umm, I suspect the cell phones would get left on vibrate?
-- rbl, Sep 20 2002


There it is! I was wondering how long.
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


'Spose 'bout anything goes 'tween the toes o' those pantryhose.
-- FarmerJohn, Sep 20 2002


including the nestling nose of the beaus of female CEOs.
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


ssshhh no sign of the autoboner.

is there a pocket for your pet? we did budgy pocket once before I believe.
-- po, Sep 20 2002


Does that mean the the autoboner is likely to be one of the posters on this string? I think this may be a clue; we need a detective.
-- Zircon, Sep 20 2002


Two enthusiastic thumbs up General Washington. I've seen how much some women try to cram into a handbag - so I'm also amused at the soon-to-be-seen crowds of pantryhose wearing business women waddling to work looking like they've been riding a horse for a week.
-- namaste, Sep 20 2002


I'm afraid I can only accomodate one thumb at a time, namaste.

Or is this where thumbwax comes in handy?
-- General Washington, Sep 20 2002


Ah-ha, the auto-boner has now struck - namaste and GW have posted. GW wouldn't bone his own idea, shirley... Jack Hughes?

BTW, how would objects stored in pantryhose not obscure your carefully fought for outline? They're still there. In order for you to retain that outline, those objects have to dig into you. Ouch.
-- PeterSilly, Sep 20 2002


[zircon] I was afraid to say that but thats the way I was thinking. <looks nervously around at friends>
-- po, Sep 20 2002


I think that depends on where you keep the bacon and whether or not you have any ointment in your pantryhose.
-- phoenix, Sep 20 2002


Redefines Zep's *Black Dog*
Hey, hey, baby, when you walk that way,
watch your honey drip, can't keep away.
-- thumbwax, Sep 20 2002



random, halfbakery