As temperature in sunny East Fenglia starts to drop below the low 80s at last, and as Halloween looms on the metaphorical horizon, one's mind turns inevitably to hot water bottles shaped like internal organs.
Floppy, warm pink rubber was surely made for creating perfect replicas of livers, pancreases, lungs and other internal organs, each to be filled with hot water via a protruding stoppered artery.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2013 see one of my old inventions that would be great for Halloween Operating_20Room_20Souvenir_20Tablecloth [xandram, Oct 25 2013] complete with a dangerously large complement of digestive enzymes?-- bs0u0155, Oct 23 2013 I think it's bad enough to wake up in a puddle of rubbery water from a leaking bottle. Finding that you've been partially digested would be worse.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2013 So I'm guessing you would be ornamenting your bod with this device somehow, that it might leak upon you?
//leaking bottle// see "Jackson-Pratt drain"; imagine 3 of them sucking your peritoneum for 4 months... dammit, [Max], that's an ugly flashback. I'm going to have nightmares tonight.-- lurch, Oct 23 2013 Better that than your perineum.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2013 I was expecting a hot-water-bottlesque thing for heating your pancreas, inferring that heating the pancreas preferentially would be more efficient than heating your anything-else.-- neutrinos_shadow, Oct 24 2013 //you've been partially digested would be worse.
If you market it as some kind of external liposuction, you'll be in the money.-- not_morrison_rm, Oct 24 2013 Firstly, M'lord B. is already "in the money" way over his head; and secondly, mentioning liposuction would be an unfortunate and somewhat tactless reminder of his Great- Uncle Protherbury's scheme for "environnmetally friendly organic liposuction" by means of Lampreys trained to suck only adipose tissue, a project abandoned during the pilot phase when it proved just a little too successful.-- 8th of 7, Oct 24 2013 Ah, Uncle Protherbury. Brings a tear to my eye just thinking of him.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 25 2013 Yes, he was a dear old chap, if a trifle eccentric even by Buchanan standards ... As to "bringing a tear to the eye", that's slightly different from the panic attacks and uncontrollable twitching his name still induces in his few surviving test subjects.-- 8th of 7, Oct 25 2013 [+] What a wonderfully whimsical idea.-- xandram, Oct 25 2013 Or you could try marketing it as Hanseatic exo-liposuction, and then just blame the printers.-- not_morrison_rm, Oct 26 2013 // blame the printers //
Protherbury blamed the lampreys, which was more than a little unjust as they are not the brightest of creatures and were only following their training and instincts. Further, his actual training methods left something to be desired, and his blithe assumption tha they would stop sucking when he blew a whistle took no account of the fact that lampreys are congenitally deaf. We call that careless.-- 8th of 7, Oct 27 2013 //We call that careless.//
Harsh, [8th], harsh. Uncle Proth was perhaps a little naive, but he was never one to expect others to undergo things which he himself was not willing to endure.
When it came to the initial (and, as it happened, final) trials of his system, he could have taken the safe and easy way out by using one of the Estate's staff as his test subject. But he did _not_. Showing selflessness in the pursuit of his dreams, he used his very own personal valet.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 27 2013 Such nobility ...
Oh, and tell Sturton yes, he can borrow our copy of the Necronomicon again for his Halloween party, as long as he promises not to say the long chant on page 751 of the complete edition, or use pieces of boiled ham as book marks. At least, we hope it was boiled ham ...-- 8th of 7, Oct 27 2013 Well, you have clearly had more recent contact with Sturton than have either I or our intercalary twin.
Last I saw of him, he said he was on his way back to Malacca on the pretext of securing a specimen of Bencham's Mangabey to win a bet. However, I doubt the veracity of his stated motivation since:
(a) Bencham's Mangabey does not occur on Malacca.
and
(b) Bencham's Mangabey has not occurred anywhere since 1922, when the the last specimen was an appetiser at a Bullingdon club dinner.
I am inclined to suspect that he has gone on one of his famous extended quests to commune with alcohol.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 27 2013 random, halfbakery