BorgCo are proud to offer our latest innovation in uniquely styled tableware.
When you open the box, what you find is a small yet beautifully crafted model of a medieval castle, and a selection of tiny scale-model replicas of siege weaponry lovingly crafted in polished hardwood, brass, bronze and leather.
Around the Castle centrepiece are little "emplacements", each one designed to take a specific weapon; the whole thing spins on a lazy-susan turntable.
The tops of the many turrets are removable to reveal within supplies of ammunition; salt, pepper, mustard, oil, vinegar, horseradish sauce and ketchup, along with suitably dimensioned ladles to allow said ammunition to be conveniently loaded into the business end of the siege weapon of your choice.
Take your tiny trebuchet, minature mangonel or bijou ballista, set and load it, trundle it up to your plate, and press the release lever to send its flavoursome payload in a beautiful ballistic arc onto your dinner.
Alternatively you can direct it at other diners.
The Oil and Vinegar dispensers are in the form of siege towers which squirt "Greek Fire".
Guaranteed to break the ice at parties.-- 8th of 7, Oct 19 2011 Weaponized Utensils Weaponized UtensilsWeaponized Utensils [pocmloc, Oct 19 2011] yeah, go on then! +1-- po, Oct 19 2011 [+]
Although it would have been [+][+] if you had adhered to my original reading of "suitably dimensioned ladies".-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 19 2011 //Guaranteed to break the ice at parties.// To avoid paying out under that guarantee, there needs to be a battering ram, for breaking ice at cocktail parties.
I picture a single large block of ice* and a cylinder, oh, say, 4 inches in diameter, made of something heavy -- steel or lead maybe, but shaped like a log -- slung under a frame in the traditional manner. Batter the face of the ice block, and ice chips fall into the glass.
*such as used to be delivered in the days before home refrigeration.-- mouseposture, Oct 19 2011 I'd like a double-barrel olive shooter please!-- xandram, Oct 19 2011 I thought medieval condiments were pretty much limited to some rather gritty salt.-- baconbrain, Oct 19 2011 //suitably dimensioned ladles// - misreading that as suitably dimensioned *ladies* changes the whole context of that sentence; It's as if at the old General's retirement home, the reenactment of famous battles by the residents is facilitated by the curvaceously Valkryesque nursing staff, forgoing the traditional nursing duties of keeping condiments well under control, and letting rip on the occasions that the Siege Engines are brought out to entertain the inmates.-- zen_tom, Oct 20 2011 // retirement home //
Uncanny, from your description it sounds like you've actually visited the Buchanan Sanatorium for Distressing Gentlefolk ...-- 8th of 7, Oct 20 2011 "Pass the salt, Peter."-- RayfordSteele, Oct 20 2011 "Ah shit! I said horseRADISH it!"-- infidel, Oct 21 2011 //Pass the salt, Peter// [marked-for-tagline] for that matter, pass the saltpeter would also work :)-- theircompetitor, Oct 21 2011 FOOD FIGHT!!!!11!-- Dub, Oct 21 2011 Bun, but to be fair, I auto-bun anything having to do with medieval siege weapons.-- doctorremulac3, Oct 21 2011 I was under the impression that all of us did that. I thought it was in the HB bylaws...-- Alterother, Oct 21 2011 Ooopsie! I didn't read the bylaws. Compulsory bun guiltily added. From a croissant catapult.
// "suitably dimensioned ladies" //
Ohhhh, my. Pass the salt, Peter.-- baconbrain, Oct 22 2011 Can we also have a five-barrelled pepperpot?-- infidel, Oct 24 2011 Not available in this set, we're afraid.
However, who knows what might come out of the R&D department in the future (although a mixture of manic cackling alternating with screams and whimpering is a fairly safe bet) ?-- 8th of 7, Oct 24 2011 What [DocRemulac] said.
This idea is filed under "HB ideas I REALLY wish I had".-- MikeD, Oct 24 2011 And that small cannon contains...Gunpowder Mustard of course.-- goff, Oct 24 2011 Give peas a chance.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Oct 24 2011 // However, who knows what might come out of the R&D department in the future //
Smoke. Toxic fumes. Suspiciously heavy bodybags. Y'know, the usual.-- Alterother, Oct 24 2011 Bun to [2fries]-- TolpuddleSartre, Oct 24 2011 Most successful sieges were resolved by miners, I thought. Or was it minors?-- TolpuddleSartre, Oct 25 2011 Mynahs, actually.-- 8th of 7, Oct 25 2011 My Nan always used to claim the credit for herself.-- pocmloc, Oct 25 2011 Great. And a bun for the word 'emplacement'-- gnomethang, Oct 25 2011 Already bunned this of course.-- doctorremulac3, Jun 11 2024 random, halfbakery