Everyone knows that lice (nits, cooties...) only infect people with clean hair. And even if that isn't true, it doesn't matter for my idea. Lice are a sign of clean hair. Therefore, people would want to have lice, if it wasn't for the side-effect of ugly little beasties crawling through your mane. Thus, I propose plastic lice, which resemble real lice but don't actually squirm or reproduce, and also for that authentic "wonders of nature/cycle of life" effect plastic lice eggs. People won't be afraid to put them in their own hair, and anyone who sees them won't know the difference. "Hey, you must have nice, clean hair!" "That's not nice, clean hair, that's Lice-B-Nice!"

My dirty-haired friend Ang must take some credit for this, not least for trying to wash her hair while talking to me on the phone, but the plastic's all my idea. This was shortly before we invented my next idea, Long-Distance Bathtub Psychic I-Spy.

Also coming soon, the Long-Distance Bathtub for couples in different cities who want to bathe together, with automatic synchronisation of temperature, water level and soap rings (allowing you to wallow in each other's dirt may be harder).

Ugh! I prefer my last invention, the Long-Distance Bathtub's inverse, a machine to drown out any sign that the person you're talking to on the phone is in the bath, removing all sloshes and echoes (and thoughts of wrinkly prune-like skin in dirty water). I'm just delaying while I decide what should happen if the person in the bath starts to drown or electrocute. Perhaps it should block out their screams and call the coast guard.
-- pottedstu, Oct 12 2001

Safe & natural lice cures http://www.lacetoleather.com/ridlice.html
Including vaseline and mayonnaise! [pottedstu, Oct 12 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Eeeyooogh! Nits-B-D-Pits. Believe me, if you've ever had these vile, itchy-scratchy li'l boogers creepy-crawling through your scruff, the last thing you want is a reminder. You know the cliched acid-head freak-out, that "bugs! bugs! argh! get them off!" total mental breakdown? That's what having lice is like. There's a reason they use words like 'infest' regarding these critters. <<<shudders>>> And since the bastards are actually too small to be visible to anybody further than a foot away, the only person that's going to know the plastic bugs are there (if they're realistically sized) is you.
-- Guy Fox, Oct 12 2001


This is a really LOUSY idea with a lot of BUGS in it
-- Sparki, Oct 12 2001


Blissmiss: Mee-YOW!

I think the basic failing of this plan, long before the creeped-outedness Guy Fox mentioned, is that 'lice only infest clean hair' is blatantly incorrect.
-- StarChaser, Oct 13 2001


Shhh, StarChaser, this'll work as long as people *believe* it's true.
-- pottedstu, Oct 13 2001


Yeah, if I had lice I'd promote this idea for that reason alone!
-- jabbers, Oct 14 2001


<brags>I have never had head lice or dandruff</brags>
-- thumbwax, Oct 14 2001


// just scratch your head all the time. //

But then people might think you were stupid. Or a Stan Laurel impersonator. And you wouldn't want that.
-- pottedstu, Oct 15 2001


Even if they only infest clean hair, I can't see why you'd want people to think you were covered in crabs. Urghhhh!
-- sven3012, Oct 15 2001


[+] that was me
-- pashute, Oct 27 2023


I imagine a sufficiently dirty head and body would deter lice by virtue of having a layer of soil too thick to get through and a layer of ammonia as well.
-- Voice, Oct 27 2023



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