Christmas, apparently, is on its way. Inevitably, there will be office parties and - horror of horror - many of these will feature karaoke. What to do if you are a truly terrible singer? How can you possibly salvage your dignity and reputation?

Have no fear, tone-deaf office party attendees, for MaxCo. has come to the rescue with the Karaoke Tooth.

The Karaoke Tooth is a small, battery-powered, wirelessly- charged Bluetooth (hah!) speaker which can replace any of your existing molars. It is paired with the Karaoke Tooth Pairing Device (henceforth known as the KTPD), which can nestle discreetly in your pocket.

The KTPD comes pre-loaded with a wide repertoire of vocal tracks. These tracks have been recorded by the finest vocal impersonators of our time, but in each case they have been made to sing whilst their jaws are braced wide open. The result is a series of pitch-perfect, perfectly emoted vowels. "My Way", for example, begins with "ee eh, I ah a oo, u eh a-eh, oo oo oo e-uh.

When called upon to perform, simply activate your Karaoke Tooth and be sure to select the right song from the playlist. All you then need to do is to mouth the lyrics, thereby adding the necessary consonantal overtones, as the tonal richness of Frank Sinatra, Elvis or even Mariah Carey emanates from your very own mouth.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 19 2018

// What to do if you are a truly terrible singer? //

Audition for "The Voice". Next question ?

// How can you possibly salvage your dignity and reputation? //

You can't, because you no longer have any. Move to a former Soviet republic and become a performer in adult movies featuring domestic and domesticated animals. People will respect you more.

// emanate from your very own mouth. //

Is that something weird involving Ouija boards, seances and ectoplasm, or an even more bizarre and distasteful phenomenon ?
-- 8th of 7, Dec 19 2018


No. Singing. There's sort of a clue in the paragraphs over there on the left.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 19 2018


Oooooh, sneaky ...
-- 8th of 7, Dec 19 2018



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