Here in the West, the handshake performs a powerful (if slightly repressed) symbolic role. At once a formal greeting, a deep sign of respect, a token of a fond farewell and (all too often) just a simple test of strength, the humble handshake performs a multitude of functions, and “pressing the flesh” is often a vital part of any social interaction.
Now, I’m not a great believer in Feng Shui, but I do believe that the way we treat our homes says a lot about us. For better or worse. Maybe it’s because I live alone, but I do tend to find that that, even after an uncharacteristically thorough tidy-up, it’s not long before my tiny flat reflects again the cluttered chaos of my disordered head.
As ever, my solution to this previously imperceptible problem is needlessly convoluted, extravagant and almost guaranteed to be ineffective.
But what the hell – I recently bought a wooden articulated hand model, such as the type that artists use: truth be told, it was pretty poor quality, but – in the same way that a human face can be represented by a circle with a couple of dots for eyes – it was kind of spooky how “human” it felt. Everyone who’s seen it so far just has to pick it up and play with it – seems like just the fact it’s shaped like a hand makes it immediately tactile.
My first idea was to buy a job lot of them, remove all the doorhandles from my flat and replace them with articulated but lifeless hands. So you’d almost have to shake hands with a room before you could enter it. Then I started thinking bigger…
Keys are easily lost. And there’s nothing more frustrating than being locked out of your own home. With nothing but an unforgivingly solid door between you and the comfort that is rightfully yours. But if your front door had a Jive Handle, you’d never be locked out.
Taking the above ramblings to their ultimate conclusion, the Jive Handle is a prosthetic hand jutting out of your front door, replete with all the necessary technology to make it respond actively to a pre-determined secret handshake that you set up before hand (no pun intended). With pressure-sensitive pads strategically placed at the palm and fingers that are robotically articulated to switch from a clasp to a slap in a microsecond, you too can feel like a Freemason as your own personalised secret handshake gains you access to your private inner sanctum.
High fives might require extra hydraulics.-- lostdog, Jan 15 2007 Handy door handle http://www.inewidea...007/08/22/2040.html [xaviergisz, Oct 14 2009] Can it do 'the itsy-bitsy spider?' Cause I think I'd want that...-- RayfordSteele, Jan 16 2007 Undercover Brother (2002) starring Eddie Griffin.-- Texticle, Jan 16 2007 i'd want to gain access with a feminine hand giving me a secret handjob, the pressure sensitive hands measuring my package.-- boogalooShrimp, Jan 16 2007 What's that [Shrimp]? Ah, yes, well, you know how card-readers sometimes erroneously retain your card...-- pertinax, Jan 16 2007 Whut? You's've lost yo' keys? Do ya' wanna dig in? Well, ain't dat funny? I'm sho' man dat if ya' could gimme some little sump'n ah' might see whut ah' can do. 'S coo', bro. Come on, let's see da damn size uh yo' wallet. Man!-- wagster, Jan 16 2007 I assume the doorhandle will play a funky soundtrack to accompany the handshake?-- hippo, Jan 16 2007 Sho' nuff, bro.-- lostdog, Jan 16 2007 + great idea and artsy, too.-- xandram, Jan 16 2007 After 3 incorrect handshakes, it should flip you the bird. (+)-- jtp, Jan 16 2007 Excellent idea, lostdog. Have a secret sign of affirmation and affinity. I feel your pain regarding keeping the flat tidy too so you would have got my sympathy vote even without the splendid idea tacked onto the end of your rambling description.-- DrBob, Jan 16 2007 Might be tricky if you come home drunk, late at night.
*wrong entry* "No, no, wait, wait... it's like this... yeah... and then up and over and.. damn. Okay, lemme try again. Lemme try again. Come on, let me in, pleash..."-- Trickytracks, Jan 16 2007 Funnily enough I was dropping a bass off at a friends house last night, he wasn't there but I had a cup of tea with his wife in the kitchen. In the drying rack by the sink was a bunch of knives and other kitchen-y stuff, and a mannequin hand...-- wagster, Jan 16 2007 [Ian Tindale], solid.
To clarify, this exact thing was done in a 2002 movie called Undercover Brother. It was a delightful romp, and is probably Eddie Griffin's best work. How he missed out on an Oscar I will never know.
No offense [lostdog], but this surely must be [marked-for-deletion] WTCTTISITMWIBNIIWR.-- Texticle, Jan 16 2007 Dammit! And there was me thinking I was being all original and everything. Oh well, at least I got a recommendation for a good film to watch out of it.-- lostdog, Jan 16 2007 Does it count as a TTISITM if the poster didn't see the movie?-- shapu, Jan 16 2007 My opinion is yes.
"If I suggested hover boards, completely independent of Back to the Future II & III, I would still expect an MFD regardless of how cool an idea it may be. If I had no knowledge of the WICTTIS prior art until the MFD pointed it out to me, I would accept that I was not the first to think of it and therefore not the inventor. Not being the inventor, I would happily to remove it from a forum in which my very posting implies that I am pronouncing myself the inventor." - Texticle, Jan 08 2007.-- Texticle, Jan 16 2007 I'll take [Texticle]'s opinion over my own (though I'd call it easybaked in my own lexicon in a feeble attempt to create a cultural footprint I can call my own), but at any rate, there you go.
Perhaps I, too, shall rent UCB. It has denise richards, so it's got at least that going for it.-- shapu, Jan 17 2007 +bing+ "You may now enter your five digit code."-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 19 2007 // Funnily enough I was dropping a bass off at a friends house last night, // Were you and said fish out drinking (like a fish) again?-- MoreCowbell, Jan 19 2007 That's a brilliant twist on the Appeal to Authority, [Texticle]. I may use that technique in court.-- calum, Jan 19 2007 "hey - I can't get this door open" - you mean you're stumped !
sorry will now have to deliver a croissant in compensation for that, if nothing else. +-- xenzag, Jan 19 2007 I beg to differ [Texticle]. Traditionally something that has been used in an obscure film, book or TV series is recognised as being halfbaked (although [shapu]'s 'easybaked' title is much better). Your example is fallacious because a hover-board idea would nontherless almost certainly be either bad science or magic (or both). The WTCTTISITMWIBNIIWR MFD generally seems to be used if the person is aware of what they're copying, or if it is the film equivalent of 'widely known to exist'.
And the argument of "Not being the inventor, I would happily to remove it from a forum in which my very posting implies that I am pronouncing myself the inventor." doesn't work until being 'baked' in itself becomes a MFD ground.
Fair point [shapu], but on the other hand, it has Denise Richards in it.-- hidden truths, Jan 19 2007 [admin: What shapu said. The WWTC.. stuff applies only if the poster actually got his or her idea from media, not if an embodiment independently happens to also exist in media. Idea stays. Texticle, please keep pointing out media parallels - just don't mark ideas for deletion unless the poster admits to having copied their material. Thanks!]-- jutta, Jul 26 2007 [wagster], feel free to drop a bass off at my place. I'll clean and cook ;-)-- normzone, Jul 26 2007 note to self: next time you see an artifical hand that isn't already attached to something/body...[+]-- FlyingToaster, Oct 09 2009 I just don't want it getting frisky when my girlfriend knocks.-- Sparkyplugclean, Oct 10 2009 Can it include a mod that can slap my hand if I do that move where I spin around and put my hand behind my back, palm-up?-- Jscotty, Oct 11 2009 So much more fun than a keypad [+]-- flynn, Oct 13 2009 random, halfbakery