Current sanitary porcelain seems universally designed to catch a stream of urine (or whatever) directed downwards. For those of us who invariably awake with both an intense desire to urinate and in a state of morning glory our tumescence makes this difficult. When I lived on an isolated farm I could deal with it easily by opening the bedroom window, however a change of domestic circumstances has led to complaints from the neighbours (although not all of them) and from my second wife who to be fair wouldn't mind so much if I moved the patio furniture first.

What we need is an addition to the conventional toilet structure something like an inverted divers snorkel, with a drip tray to the orifice.

I hope this is baked because I am finding the current jury rigged solution of a ceiling mounted block and tackle and ankle straps makes me dizzy.
-- IvanIdea, Apr 15 2002

Male Bed Toilet http://www.halfbake...Male_20Bed_20Toilet
[phoenix, Apr 15 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Janet Reno http://www.janetrenoishot.com/
With my apologies to the non-U.S.ians who know not whomof I spoke. [phoenix, Apr 16 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Janet Reno http://www.tevis.ne...s/JanetReno_big.jpg
One more for good measure. [phoenix, Apr 16 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Toilet, by Hugo Williams http://www.geocitie...pocrite/toilet.html
found it! [sappho, Apr 17 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

What you need is a large photograph of Patrick Moore on your bathroom door.
-- stupop, Apr 15 2002


1) Go straight for the shower, or
2) Imagine Janet Reno naked, or
3) Rig up some guttering with an elbow or two to redirect the flow, or
4) Get a 'Male Bed Toilet' (link)
-- phoenix, Apr 15 2002


[Phoenix]In reverse order:- I did find the male toilet link when checking the idea for prior form, but it doesn't apply because it specifically mentions the words "dangle" and "downwards", where we are requiring the inverse. Similarly guttering would be unhelpful. Regarding the shower I shudder to think of the response from the new wife if she walked into the bathroom and found me standing behind the curtain peeing up the sides of the glass cubicle. I don't know who janet reno is but I don't think the situation is a sexual thing, I think its caused by pressure from the bladder maybe.
-- IvanIdea, Apr 15 2002


Interesting. My physiology (and, until now, I thought all other men's as well) precludes the possibility of urination whilst standing at attention. I'm of the understanding that this is a form of traffic control, allowing only the appropriate substances to pass through the penis at the appropriate times.

In fact, I recall reading (somewhere) that the body will produce an erection specifically to help keep the urine in storage.
-- waugsqueke, Apr 15 2002


waugsqueke: exactly my thoughts, and experience. Although, it could be a line devised by men to dispel some 'concerns' our partners may have about certain activities.
-- rbl, Apr 15 2002


sorry waugs, that traffic control issue is only at the point of ejaculation, although it is harder to unrinate whilst erect. I did have two friends at university, who (late one night, during a spin the bottle session after much imbibed alcohol) that one of her biggest turn- ons was for him to urinate whilst, how shall we say, entrant.
-- goff, Apr 15 2002


There is a poem called 'Toilet' which is written from the point of view of a man on a train who finds a girl sitting opposite him quite attractive. It's a very interesting piece, but I don't know the poet's name so I can't find a link to it... yet.
-- sappho, Apr 15 2002


No need to be sorry, goff. I merely relate my own experience. On occasion some mornings, I've had to wait around for some relaxation to set in, eventually allowing me to go. Thankfully, once I arise out of bed and move about a bit, and get the blood flowing through my body, said blood tends to flow out of the affected area, allowing me some relief.
-- waugsqueke, Apr 15 2002


Thank you Waugsqueke, I was beginning to think I was abnormal......
-- IvanIdea, Apr 15 2002


Re: My previous point #4: I was thinking of one lying on one's stomach....
-- phoenix, Apr 16 2002


The morning glory phenomenon is due to the increase in hormonal activity during the night, when testosterone levels are at their highest.
-- RayfordSteele, Apr 16 2002


[Phoenix] Actually I take your point, but have the ridiculous notion that I don't really want to be pissing into my bed even if it does have a little tube to take it away, i don't know why.

[Mr Rayford] I wondered why i kept missing it.
-- IvanIdea, Apr 17 2002


I don't mean to slam the dresser on your morning woodies, but this polite chit-chat is making me reach for the fishbone... (the original writeup was very funny though).
-- spartanica, Apr 17 2002



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