All right! So last night I went to see my Mummy and Step-Daddy for dinner (as you do) and ate the most liver offensive curry I had ever eaten, I choked it down as not to disappoint kissed my mum and left.
The next day (today) at work I felt the call of nature so I went to the toilet.
So there I was in the Toilet at work, going number 2 with my boots swimming in my work mates urine when.... BLAM! I experience most explosive and corrosive case of the runs I’ve ever had, thank you mum. After the initial explosion I started to try to clean up, franticly trying to "Get the last of it" but soon found I was in for a "long haul."
It wasn’t long before my mind started to wander...
was any one waiting?
How long had I been?
WHAT DID THEY THINK I WAS DOING!
Rather than hurry up I started sketching on pieces of toilet paper and came up with a system that detects what a person is doing and displays out side the cubicle what’s going on, with out disturbing or embarrassing them.
The system would require Methane chemical detectors, some sort of speed camera (at crotch level when sitting on the toilet) and a timer on the door, maybe with some moisture detectors around the bowl to find out who’s pee I keep stepping in, and link them all up to a computer that records the information (to find out who keeps peeing in the floor) and is then in turn linked to a box outside the cubicle with lights next to the name of the activity. If the chemical detectors reach a high enough level the light goes on and reads number 2!
If there is no methane detected and the speed camera reaches 60mph. well id just rather not think about that...-- Loma, Sep 22 2005 I feel your pain...-- Jinbish, Sep 22 2005 Invasion of privacy on a very visceral level.-- wagster, Sep 22 2005 "Changing into Superman outfit."
[admin: Changed spelling in title realy -> really.]-- st3f, Sep 22 2005 Duh! <slaps forehead> thanks for the spelling.-- Loma, Sep 22 2005 Why don't you just announce outloud "I'm just going for a dump!, and may be some time" (think Oates and Antartica)-- skinflaps, Sep 22 2005 Ought to rename it "I wouldn't read this for a while, if I were you!"-- Dub, Sep 22 2005 what's that word for the facial expression that a cat pulls sometimes - somewhere between pain, grinning convulsive spasm and visceral disgust? I didn't realise that I could gurn like that.-- po, Sep 22 2005 usually i just lock the stall door and people just know.-- schmendrick, Sep 22 2005 [schmendrick] but you have to admire [Loma] posting it for all the World to auralize/mentally-visualize. Most people are scared to take a dump in the woods. Not He. He's made of sterner stuff.-- Dub, Sep 22 2005 In the woods? No. At work? Sure. My office is filled with 70-some women and four men (wait...five). I do everything I can not to offend their sensibilities, including going to another building to do my business if I'm going to be a while.-- shapu, Sep 22 2005 where the hell do you work? a vomitorium?-- benfrost, Sep 23 2005 bun for making me laugh .. but then again food doesn't mix too well with your proposition :-s
I better get out of this "room" ... it's all contaminated-- ixnaum, Sep 23 2005 Loma sounds like a girl's name to me-- chocolateraindrops, Sep 25 2005 bun for the most inventive use of a speed camera I've ever seen. [Loma], this is genius.-- Mr Phase, Sep 25 2005 Loma, Get under a hedge and hide-- The Kat, Sep 25 2005 random, halfbakery