This evening I was perusing DVD's for the purpose of rental. As I browsed the 'recent weekly' section, I was interrupted by a young female who found it neccessary to peruse with great gusto the exact square footage of DVD display that I was also perusing.

'It is a large store.' I reminded myself, 'Why is she standing so close to me to look at less than a dozen titles that I see before me?' This situation occurs often, but there is an unspoken politeness protocol whereby if someone is in the section you want to look through, you simply totter about the Patrick Swayze section or similar cobwebbed area until the desired area is free.

In this situation I at first stood my ground. I thought she might get the idea that I was here first, and that she must wait her turn. But it got uncomfortable. She was virtually reading the back of the DVD's I had under my arm - so I admitted defeat and sauntered backwards to the Swayze section - peering over the aisle peripherally with my hands in my pockets waiting for her to leave the area.

This incident gave me a frightful sense of non existence. I felt like somehow she didnt see me - like i was the DVD shop equivalent of Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. Or even Patrick Swayze in Ghost for that matter (as I noticed from spending so long in his section).

The apparatus that I suggest in response to this problem can be worn in any situation such as supermarkets, post offices, churches, DVD shops - what have you. Made entirely of Nerf brand material, it is a skirt like device that you strap around your waist as you enter the environment. 4 foot tendrils much like spokes on a bicycle radiate from your hips to keep rude people at a distance. On the tip of each Nerf tendril is a bell to alert your presence as you move through the aisles.

A siren is strapped to the head and fastened tightly under the chin, and if at any time you feel your personal space is being invaded, a quick flick of a switch will turn its high pitched sound in the 'on' position. This will alert them to their over zealous proximity and hopefully staff will quickly dash forward to separate them from you.

When you leave the DVD store, supermarket, church etc, simply hang your Nerf skirt and siren hat on the hooks provided near the door for the next person who enters.
-- benfrost, Apr 22 2005

How naure says "do not touch" http://www.bsu.edu/...msa/tansey/2-16.gif
couldn't find the origional, but this is close. [RBStimers, Apr 23 2005]

Self-defense Dress http://www.bookofjo...elfdefense_dre.html
Mostly baked. [Acme, May 29 2005]

You might get in trouble for that spoiler, [ben].
-- Detly, Apr 22 2005


This could be called a "Nerf-based personal space actualiser".
-- hippo, Apr 22 2005


//sauntered backwards to the Swayze section// <note to self> Must remember the Swayze gambit as a Blockbuster defensive move </nts>
-- AbsintheWithoutLeave, Apr 22 2005


With Nerf skirt, siren and Bobby teeth I can hang around the xxxxxx area at my displeasure indefinitely.[x] oops..[+]
-- skinflaps, Apr 22 2005


I think she was flirting with you.
-- FarmerJohn, Apr 22 2005


A normal, everyday problem. A bizzare, benfrostish solution. [+]
-- Machiavelli, Apr 22 2005


My concern is that this idea, and others, are causing a general alienation of individuals from society. Why use a complex device to intercede in an awkward social situation, when simply saying something will solve the situation. Say something like, "Excuse me, do you mind if I look at these titles first?" Or "Back off bitch" or something else. But what are we becoming when we are afraid to confront other people, or are relying on technology to do that which we should do for ourselves?
-- natewill, Apr 22 2005


I tend to agree with [nate] - this is a problem for which a product is unnecessary, pointless and totally over the top. Have a big fat flashing croissant. In a skirt.

One alternative springs to mind - carry a megaphone with you at all times. If anyone gets too close, let 'em have it. "Back away from the browser, ma'am."

...or, plan your DVD renting occasions a few days in advance and don't wash for a bit. If anyone gets too close, a nonchalant reach for the top shelf should get you a bit more elbow room.
-- moomintroll, Apr 22 2005


I find carrying a squirt gun to be quite effective for these situations.
-- Worldgineer, Apr 22 2005


A running chainsaw also works.
-- Machiavelli, Apr 22 2005


Did you ever consider the possibility that she's trying to pick you up?
-- RayfordSteele, Apr 22 2005


It crossed my mind, she seemed in an awful hurry though. I suspect she had arrived at the counter to which the sales person had informed her she was one DVD short of making the 3 for $11 deal.

If she were wearing the siren, and had sounded it I would have been warned that she was having an emergency and would have happily stood back outside her Nerf Skirt perimeter while she grappled my section.
-- benfrost, Apr 23 2005


Perhaps Blockbuster should allow customers to choose between a Nerf skirt and a "I'm trying to pick [benfrost] up" t-shirt.
-- hippo, Apr 23 2005


Just wear a T shirt with your ideas printed around, Ben, I do not think any female will stick around close after reading VJ.
-- neelandan, Apr 23 2005


Beautiful idea, I love it.

see link.
-- RBStimers, Apr 23 2005


Hold this ....
-- reensure, Apr 23 2005


haha. nice link. A Nerf anti-tank missile launcher would no doubt do the trick with accompanying pirate attire - or is that a shoe on his head?
-- benfrost, Apr 23 2005


This is a problem? A nice lady is trying to get your attention? Hmmm. Of course, your wearing a "skirt" would probably put them off. Ah, well, more women for me.
-- MauiChuck, May 29 2005


move to the Titanic section.. "Icy dead people".
-- neilp, May 30 2005



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