There you are, sitting in what passes for a saloon in this god forsaken town. The bourbon is easy on the throat and Trixie is easy on the eye -- well, truth be told, she's getting easier on the eye -- but can you relax?
No, because any second now some scum sucking no good horse thieving sonofabitch can untie Silver, jump in the saddle and off he goes.
Introducing our line of protected saddles. Using a variety of modern techniques, including pins, voice, thumb or even face recognition, and perhaps that most reliable method, ass recognition, we will make sure that the horse you rode in to town will be the horse you ride out of town-- theircompetitor, Mar 22 2005 (?) Ass Recognition http://shopping.net....5/category.2006/.fScientific gluteal morphology for equine comfort [csea, Mar 22 2005] (?) Ass Recognition and ARR [ Active Rustler Repellent ] http://us.ent4.yimg..._chan/shangnoon.jpg [normzone, Mar 22 2005] (?) Saddle Club http://www.abc.net..../saddle/default.htm [normzone, Mar 22 2005] asshole recognition https://www.vice.co...EzZN9sctKFvg827q4r4 [theircompetitor, Jan 03 2021] Buttock-recognition Cameras Buttock-recognition_20Cameras [hippo, Jan 03 2021] Butt recognition https://gizmodo.com...dentific-1708243593 [hippo, Jan 03 2021] pins in the saddle, eh? painful. I like this...-- po, Mar 22 2005 [+] for the sub- title-- etherman, Mar 22 2005 Bun you...and the horse you rode in on.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Mar 22 2005 Big problem in the Amish communities..-- Mr Burns, Mar 22 2005 I think that seat recognition is called for here. And not just the size and shape, but how the balance is handled. This saddles going to have a ton of memory and processing capability.-- normzone, Mar 22 2005 Clever. Invent THE CLUB for saddles and you'll be making a pretty penny. +-- k_sra, Mar 22 2005 "You see, I travel a lot, so I use rental horses. A couple of hours in the saloon, and I can’t for the life of me remember which horse was mine. So it was an honest mistake. No need to be putting that thing around my neck. Really, Sheriff, I hate having ANYTHING around my neck. Okay, I’m going to scream. I really will..."-- ldischler, Mar 22 2005 I find a horse's ass works best in this situation. Instead of a u-haul, I pull a donkey on my travels. When I'm in the bar, havin' my jar filled up to yar, they look out for each other by placing both rear feet in line with a would-be rustler's jaw line. Only connect.-- mensmaximus, Mar 22 2005 In the unlikely event you're actually rustled of your horse, its saddlelo-jack instantly publishes a picture and description to every fax and email within 50 miles.-- reensure, Mar 22 2005 They was carryin' their flour 'n coffee in Wells Fargo bags so I figure they must 've buried the loot somewhere along the trail.-- mensmaximus, Mar 23 2005 Thought this idea was an alarm clock that featured a Buckaroo type horse that flings off its miniature rider and saddle etc first thing in the morning with a resounding clatter of noises.-- xenzag, Jan 03 2021 random, halfbakery