Dr. Splendid had spent the last six days slashing his way through the jungle in Darkest Bwanowonia and had not eaten for the past three. You can imagine how pleased he was when he finally broke into a clearing, on the other side of which was an adult tapir, busily licking out the inside of a termite mound.

"Kwanagu!" he whispered to his bearer "Quick, my spear!".

Kwanagu fished inside Dr. Splendid's haversack and pulled forth an odd looking but compact steel contraption. It consisted of an extendible scissor action arm, on one end of which was mounted a six inch steel spike with a cork on the tip. On the other end there was a cylindrical bundle of plastic, held tight with an elastic band.

After removing the cork from the end of the spike Dr. Splendid removed the elastic band, allowing the plastic to unfurl and form a cluster of flights that stood smartly out from their steel mount.

He weighed the device carefully in his right hand and hungrily took aim at the tapir. "Chocks away Kwanagu!" he whispered before hurling it towards the unsuspecting beast.

Once in flight, a curious metamorphosis occured. The drag from the flights slowed one end of the weapon down, first swinging it around so that the spike was facing forward, then stretching out the scissor arm, extending it to it's full six feet. The tapir just had time to register a moment of surprise in it's eyes as the spike punctured the skin, before the full force of the scissor arm snapping shut behind it drove the spike into it's heart.

Dr. Splendid grinned at Kwanagu from under his pith helmet. "Gather firewood while I pour the last of the Umgeni Fire Juice, we shall eat well tonight!"
-- wagster, Jan 31 2006

Pickled Tapir with Mushroom and Octopus http://www.thecatfl...ges/expert/chef.php
For the leftovers. [ConsulFlaminicus, Jan 31 2006]

Asian Tapirs (Tapirus indicus) http://www.tapirbac...n/pix-liv/henk1.htm
Bun this idea, or we'll kill this baby Tapir. [ConsulFlaminicus, Jan 31 2006]

Hoberman sphere http://www.finkinc....php?productid=16135
Expands and contracts using a magic scissor action. [wagster, Jan 31 2006]

See my anno in... Hoberman_20Spherical_20Raincoat
[RayfordSteele, Feb 04 2006]

Heh, how about a spear with a Doberman on the end of it?
-- skinflaps, Jan 31 2006


[Quest] - I haven't tried jungle trekking with a six foot spear, but it's likely to be awkward.

[skin] - Once again, an improvement on my original.
-- wagster, Jan 31 2006


//it just seems way too complicated // Obligatory bun.
-- coprocephalous, Jan 31 2006


What's a Hoberman?
-- skinflaps, Jan 31 2006


"Dr. Splendid" - well, I do dress to impress, but thanks for the compliment!
-- DrCurry, Jan 31 2006


[21 Quest]: Telescopic scissoring spears? Now that's just crazy.
-- shapu, Jan 31 2006


Sorry, [21Q], I'm afraid a telescopic spear would be a horrible mistake. If you had the objective lens at the front, it would be far too big and flat to penetrate anything, and if you mounted the eyepiece lens at that end, you risk terrible injury.
-- lurch, Feb 03 2006


I imagine a telescopic spear would retract again, when hitting the target. It would look like it went right through the target, until it flopped down onto the ground at its original length.
-- Ling, Feb 03 2006


A non-lethal version: the animal ends up neatly imprisoned inside the spere.
[edit] //spere// I meant sphere.
-- spidermother, Feb 03 2006


//A non-lethal version: the animal ends up neatly imprisoned inside the spere// But that would be a "Hoberman Bear-trap" and therefore not a pun.
-- coprocephalous, Feb 03 2006


The sport of Hoberman Ball Bearing?
-- spidermother, Feb 03 2006


Wagster has well documented the mysterious adventures of Dr. Splendid, and for this reason alone, one must not question the eyebrow-lifting science that his weapons involve.
-- benfrost, Feb 03 2006



random, halfbakery