I have spent most of today (like a lot of days) sitting at the back of a conference, surfing the ‘bakery and pretending that using a sound desk is really complex. I have listened to hundreds of executives and civil servants discussing and learning why local government should be e-nabled, how important Project NOMAD is to us all and how the e-Government / m-Government synergy can produce massive cost-benefits in data rationalisation.
I have also learned how important it is that dolphins have pianos, how to have a tug-o-war with your hair, how to trick your neighbour into thinking that Kirsten Dunst is on their doorstep and how to make a parachute out of confetti, and it strikes me that these conference delegates are getting the thin end of the wedge. They will have filled their heads full of this tedious rubbish whereas I will have broadened my mind and kept abreast of the latest concepts which will change the face of our world.
How different today would have been if I had been chairing the conference and all you good bakers had been flanking me on the top table.
“Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to today's event, the first Halfbakery Conference. I would like to introduce our first speaker, Sartep, who is going to take us through the difficulties of procuring and wearing a Secret Hat without divulging one’s identity. He will be followed by Robinism who will be discussing the unusual form that is the Sphericon and the uses to which it can be put. The morning session will be rounded off by Cap’n David Scothern who will be engaging us in an interactive session which I’m sure you’ll all enjoy.
“There will then be a thirty minute comfort break where coffee and chocolate fireworks will be available courtesy of our sponsors ‘Po Creations’. After coffee, Ldischler will be updating us on the progress in manufacturing a usable parabolic pool table, and Farmer John will be presenting a horology master class.
“Lunch will be served downstairs where we will be having Lava-fried chicken with Horseshoe Beans and Peas-on-the-Cob followed by Crumble Crumble and Heavy Water Coffee.
“After lunch our keynote speaker Jutta will be asking: ‘M-F-D Technicalities – Are we obsessed?’ followed by a panel session at which you may ask questions. Afterwards there will be a variety of breakout sessions where we will be solving the design problems of various inventions that have proved tricky to implement such as the Motorised Goldfish Bowl and the Piston Packing Trolley. Unabubba will be firing pastries into the various groups to help feed the creativity.
“We will finish the day with a brief report from the breakout groups on what progress they have made, before we all leave for dinner and Cappugenic Hallucinoccinos at the Hundred Thousand Gallon Restaurant.
"Anyone wishing to spend the day studying e-Government Strategy can of course do so in the tiny little airless room at the back full of sound desks, projectors and PC’s. Sartep, over to you.”-- wagster, Mar 09 2005 Working also within the duldrums of the conference industry churning out babble regarding fermentation, bollocks and the like.This would most certainly liven things up a tad.
I shall proceed to pump air into the penny farthings tyres, don my flak jacket and wobble my way down whilst thwacking a stick at a large leather polo ball [+]-- skinflaps, Mar 09 2005 ;( .. never once been mentioned in a 'bakery user homage.-- jonthegeologist, Mar 09 2005 ;) sp. corrected. I'm working in Marseille at the moment and it's severely affecting my ability to write and speak English.-- jonthegeologist, Mar 09 2005 Don't worry [jon], neither have I.-- wagster, Mar 09 2005 [wagster] I shall make it my mission.-- jonthegeologist, Mar 09 2005 Please e-mail me half an admission ticket.-- angel, Mar 09 2005 [jtg]..A careful read of 'halfbakery closed cycle generator' may throw up a surprise.-- ConsulFlaminicus, Mar 09 2005 who'd've thought it! Cheers!-- jonthegeologist, Mar 09 2005 hmmm....what to wear.....-- lintkeeper2, Mar 09 2005 hamster power dressing...-- po, Mar 09 2005 <passes note in the back to [po]>R U going to X-plosion Seminar? Afro's speaking</pnibtp>-- k_sra, Mar 09 2005 Rushing to add "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" to the non-lame Halfbakery taglines-- theircompetitor, Mar 09 2005 Only if you wear some suck-pants on top of 'em.-- RayfordSteele, Mar 09 2005 [+] I'm sorry that I missed this conference.-- xandram, Feb 24 2006 Perhaps a Halfbaked Conference could be piggybacked onto some already existing cultural icon, Burning Man or TED or SXSW or any of the Fringe Festivals... saves the need to pick dates & destinations-- smendler, Mar 20 2009 random, halfbakery