The sound of muffled movement jerked James from his slumber. He lurched out of bed and peered out the bedroom window...

The yard was silent and still. His Garden Gnome stood squat and smiling over a patch of marigolds.

All was well within the garden, yet still the feelings of uneasiness could not be abated.

James lingered at the window for a while before returning to his bed.

Sleep seemed to elude him, though.

He tossed and turned as his mind raced with all the horrific forms of violence that could possibly... would possibly... would inevitably befall his doomed garden gnome.

Morning came and, bleary eyed, James went to the window to check on the gnome.

His heart already knew what his eyes would find, yet still, his stomach turned as he saw the grizzly scene...

The gnome lay doubled over on the ground, hands pressed against his pierced gullet, in a pool of dark blood. His ashen face frozen in a heart wrenching visage of pain and terror.

The Gnome Assassin has struck!

Add a touch of excitement and danger to your yard or garden with the Gnome Assassin brand Garden Gnomes!

Order one of our garden gnomes, and when we ship the gnome of your choosing to your residence, we will concurrently contract one of our highly skilled and professional Gnome Assassins to stealthily infiltrate your yard, and replace your gnome with its deathly twin.

Poisoned, throat cut, neck garroted or perforated with blade or arrow; within the month of your purchase, your garden gnome will meet his untimely demise.
-- MikeD, Oct 04 2010

Is this here as bait waiting for [UB] to come back?
-- Custardguts, Oct 04 2010


I've heard tale, the baker formerly known as [UnaBubba] still lurks on the .5Bakery under a different name...
-- MikeD, Oct 05 2010


+ hehe (under many gnomes...I mean names...)
-- xandram, Oct 05 2010


[+]
-- 8th of 7, Oct 05 2010


They've killed Grumpy! The bastards!
-- infidel, Oct 07 2010



random, halfbakery