So, living in America, I' am occasionally called upon to provide my opinion regarding one or more of the local sports. I was recently asked: "so which d'ya think is tougher, hockey (they mean Ice Hockey) or football (they mean American Hand-egg)?". I didn't really get chance to answer the question, in fact I'm pretty sure it was a question designed to whip the entire bar into some form of weird frenzy.

I don't really care which is tougher... the sport with the 300lb sprinters or the sport with the helmets-off fist fights, because as a representative of civilization, I'm stepping in to solve the problem.

Take a standard American Football field, make it into an ice rink. Put everyone on skates and play American football, allow fights. Done.

Speed skaters can get up to 40mph, whereas those slow "sprinters" in American Football get up to about 20. So we've doubled the speed, in fact if 2 players both get up to speed we can have 80mph collisions, practically guaranteeing certain death.... nothing tougher than that.

So, Hockey, Football.... both your sports are weedy compared to bs0's "American Ice Ball", argument over.

If there are any survivors, perhaps they could be retrained to play real sports? Nothing says "tough" like facing a determined pace attack on a swinging wicket when you've a suspect forward defensive.
-- bs0u0155, Feb 19 2013

Cricket on Ice http://articles.lat...n-2015_1_north-pole
Already baked. [DrBob, Feb 21 2013]

...and again. http://articles.tim...ricolour-expedition
[DrBob, Feb 21 2013]

Extreme – wing-suit flyby http://www.youtube....watch?v=PCS2VeeQzo8
I'm holding up my hand with only my index finger and little finger extended. [theleopard, Feb 22 2013]

First of all, [+]. Sounds like a bloody good larf, mate.

Now that's out of the way, let's clear up a couple of things:

1. I don't know what 'tougher' means in this context, but it is a well-known fact that Ice Hockey is the pinnacle of all team sports.

2. Cricket is not a sport. It's some form of psy-ops weapon intended to baffle people in non-cricket-playing nations with its absurd manner of play and incomprehensible rules, thus distracting them from the global economic market during key times of the year.

Thank you.
-- Alterother, Feb 19 2013


horribly gruesome. [+]
-- Voice, Feb 19 2013


I forgot to mention, sponsorship to provided by the companies behind those "beers" with "ice" in the name. In addition, being on ice might encourage them to spend just a little less time standing about while Toyota tries to sell me a Camry.
-- bs0u0155, Feb 20 2013


They only call it cricket because that's what you hear most of the time during its play period.
-- RayfordSteele, Feb 20 2013


"Referee calls a time out for the Trauma Team to remove an injured player"

Blood, carnage, death, destruction... should be a winner. [+]
-- Klaatu, Feb 20 2013


Brilliant. [+]

I think it would be impossible to find one person who wouldn't want to see this at least once. As far as eliciting morbid curiosity this would be up there with the Hindenburg crash and Zapruder films.

Wouldn't want to be the holder for field goal kicks.
-- doctorremulac3, Feb 20 2013


Brilliant - *if only* for mooting the concept of Full Contact Ice Cricket [+]
-- zen_tom, Feb 20 2013


I suspect that the entire game would hinge around the quarterback sprinting backwards, turning and making a suicidal high speed run at any weakness in the defensive line that he can see. By the time he passes the line of scrimmage he's moving like a bullet and any successful tackle makes a Russian car accident film look tame. I really like the idea, but I don't mind deadly sport. Few injuries, more fatalities,

and then

in the end zone

TRIPPLE LUTZ!
-- WcW, Feb 20 2013


-heritageoakfarm- Gun powder plot, let it never be forgot.
-- WcW, Feb 20 2013


//Full Contact Ice Cricket//a wicket made of ice brings a whole new meaning to Shane Warne's "slider".
-- bs0u0155, Feb 20 2013


No it doesn't. Nothing about Cricket has 'meaning'. It's just the slow death-spiral of a vast Victorian-era conspiracy to corner the market in kapok and neatsfoot liniment.
-- Alterother, Feb 20 2013


" Wouldn't want to be the holder for field goal kicks. "

Yes, [doctorremulac3], and this should also cut down on "running into and/or roughing the kicker" penalties as well.
-- normzone, Feb 20 2013


//Nothing about Cricket has 'meaning'.//

I beg to differ - what more meaning can be had than an excuse for everyone to sit around in the sun eating and drinking, while in the background, the ancient Druidic rights are carefully performed.

Rights ever postponing the Earth's inevitable consumption by the Eldar Ones who jostle one another around their cosmic gate, flapping, gibbering and twitching in anticipation of the 1000 year feast that awaits - if only the gate is left ajar.
-- zen_tom, Feb 21 2013


There's nothing more civilised than a sport that has breaks for tea.
-- theleopard, Feb 21 2013


The 'Cricket on Ice' concept is now over twenty years old, and the US is one of the founding members (links).
-- DrBob, Feb 21 2013


Oh wow - thanks for the links [Dr Bob] - I particularly like the Indian Times one. If only there'd been a British Moon Landing, the idea of placing a silly mid off somewhere in the Sea of Tranquility fills me with the appropriate sense of pride (or would do were it to ever happen).
-- zen_tom, Feb 21 2013


Only in the pages of Steam Punk role playing games & Robert Rankin novels I'm afraid, z_t!
-- DrBob, Feb 21 2013


But will there be room for the requisite game-fixing, as apparently we haven't learned to do in our domestic soccer league?
-- RayfordSteele, Feb 21 2013


So Cricket has Lovecraftian undertones? Perhaps I should reconsider my disdain for it.
-- Alterother, Feb 21 2013


So, Just to recap: the British have played Soccer on a field consisting of mud, bodies, barbed wire and mines.... in the middle of one of the bloodiest wars in history, AND used a Nuclear attack sub to punch a hole in the ice cap to play cricket against the Americans, who also brought a nuclear attack sub.

Now that this information is in the open, can we all agree that a little of-piste snowboarding in vulgar trousers, does not constitute "extreme".
-- bs0u0155, Feb 21 2013


I would second, and further suggest that an 'extreme sport' loses its 'extreme' status the moment it becomes known to anyone's grandparents andor is given airtime on ABC. It's gotten to the point that any nutter can do something likely to cause permanent disability or death whilst wearing a Red Bull t-shirt and it's automatically labelled an extreme sport.
-- Alterother, Feb 21 2013


That wing-suit shit looks pretty extreme. I don't think it will ever not look extreme.
-- theleopard, Feb 22 2013


Why would a // a representative of civilization// be living in the united states? I mean what could we possibly offer?
-- evilpenguin, Feb 22 2013


How about golf on the moon?
-- DrBob, Feb 22 2013


Imagine the "snap the whip" play...
-- smendler, Feb 22 2013


"OK Alan, it's a 9000 yard, dog-leg to the right, par 3....."

twunk...

''not bad, you avoided the big crater but..... oh no, it's gone down a lava tube. You'll need more than a niblick to get that one out."
-- bs0u0155, Feb 24 2013


This would be fun to watch. Every field goal kicker would fall over backwards, like Charlie Brown.
-- phundug, Feb 26 2013



random, halfbakery