We welkome you as another proud owner of Fit/Fat Finder-Outer, one of our many trailing edge produkts at Kazakhstan Konsumerables, Ink. Please Sir/Madam, follow these instruktions to the letter for maximum sekurity and enjoyment:

1.(one) Press green button on side kausing platform to spring up and lock in position.

2.(two) Take one (1) of the one hundred (100) inkluded paper bags, affixing open end to blow tube under platform with natural latex band.

3.(three) Fill plastik kup with water to dotted line and place on head.

4.(four) Holding mouthpiece of blow tube, step onto platform.

5.(five) With deep breaths, blow energetikally to inflate paper bag.

6.(six) When bag reaches required size, it will automatikally release platform supports allowing you to freefall three (3) inches before bursting bag. Also water is kalkulated to leave head and rendezvous with platform.

7.(seven) By means of registering the dB from bag bang (from pop to BOOM), our digital chip will gauge your weight. Your height is found from time delay before cirkuit is klosed by wetness on platform.

A lightning-fast komputation will reveal your figure to you with diodes forming “I” or “A” between the “F” and “T”. If you have not mastered steps one to five (1-5), your nimbleness is lacking to the degree of prekluding FIT.

Don’t forget! Refer us to a friend and you kould win one (1) of our five(5)-foot long, one (1) horse power, gasoline-driven, pepper grinders with braided, horse hair, starter kord.
-- FarmerJohn, Jul 11 2002

Weigh Your Own Head http://www.halfbake...20your_20own_20head
Wiegen Sie Ihren eigenen Kopf. [reensure, Jul 12 2002]

Instructive illustration http://www.geocitie...fatfinderouter.html
[FarmerJohn, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Klever. This is one of those concoctions that could benefit from a drawing.
-- gastronaut, Jul 11 2002


I bid one bakery buk.
-- Matty, Jul 11 2002


Don't wory, this kompany has gone under due to an akounting error, of its parent kompany, worldKom.
-- [ sctld ], Jul 11 2002


Which explains the F*I*T I got. :(
-- polartomato, Jul 11 2002


Fit, ohne fett wie ist du kopf.

Fit, ohne fett wie ist dein kopf.
Better? Schritt für Schritt, the bad is due my poor German.
-- reensure, Jul 11 2002


[gastronaut] I would love to make a drawing but have no good means of showing it.

[reensure] Fit, without fat as is my head?
-- FarmerJohn, Jul 12 2002


"Fit, without fat as is *you* head", according to Babelfish. Still makes no sense though. Healthy mind in a healthy body?
-- angel, Jul 12 2002


How positively luminescent our minds can be. Kudos.
-- Seer Chin, Aug 28 2002


++ for that illustration. I've just found this year's Halloween costume. : )
-- k_sra, Oct 30 2003



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