I was just discussing how much I would like to slap an associate with a wet fish, and the lightbulb appeared!
Slapping folks with wet fish is difficult, as the combination of the scales and the mucous coating of the fish make it very hard to hold onto. If you imagine a large and heavy adult salmon for example, if you really wanted to hurt the slappee, you'd need a good two handed grip.
So I would propose a rubberised sleeve, fastened with a ski-boot fastening type clip, with a securely attached outer layer of highly grippy material, such as that found on climbing gloves. This would be available in a range of sizes to fit the tail of various species of fish just forward of the tailfin.
Slap away!-- Azazello, Sep 06 2006 if do right, no can defend http://www.youtube....watch?v=ZMKCLyhBBwIserve with soy and wasabi [jaksplat, Apr 28 2008] I think you'd need a series of tiny spikes to get a really good grip - that seems to be how they do it in the wild e.g. predatory fish's teeth etc.-- zen_tom, Sep 06 2006 hold it between your teeth then.-- po, Sep 06 2006 [po] just helped me imagine a Shao-lin type monastery in the mountains with a dozen novices fighting each other with large fish held between their teeth. This is a great image. Thank you!-- Azazello, Sep 06 2006 <bad dubbing> "He fights well with that fish!" "Yes, he's a student of the 5 Haddock Exploding Prawn style." <incomprehensible laugher> </bd>-- zen_tom, Sep 06 2006 Try using a turkey instead - interlacing your fingers with the talons gives a very snug grip.-- ConsulFlaminicus, Sep 06 2006 Breaking News: A suspect was taken into custody early this morning in connection with the brutal beating of an associate. The man allegedly struck the victim repeatedly with a large salmon. Witnesses say he was swinging the fish like a club and laughing maniacally during the incident while yelling something about replacing a toner cartridge over and over. A lawyer for the defense stated that his client was unaware of proper fish slapping procedures and expressed condolences to the victim and his family for this "tragic misunderstanding". Under the law, striking a person with the head end of a fish constitutes assault and battery with a deadly weapon. The man faces 20 years to life if convicted. Additional charges may be filed by the Department of Fish and Wildlife.-- Shz, Sep 06 2006 Use pliers. This is how I grab fish, take out hook, slap at face, etc.-- daseva, Sep 06 2006 You could have one shaped like a sword hilt for renaissance fairs. The fish in the stone.-- Ultramoose, Apr 28 2008 [Ian], I haddock google danio. You got me good.-- normzone, Apr 28 2008 random, halfbakery