Halfbakery: Fake K.I.T.T.

Vehicle: Car: Artificial Intelligence
Fake K.I.T.T. (+2) [vote for, against]
I've given up waiting for science.

Well, the year 2000 came and went. So where's my personal jetpack? Hover skateboard? In-dash A.I. computer?

Time to fake it: We need major albums to be (re-)released on specially-crafted CDs with random "fake A.I." voice-over messages .....so that when you're riding in your car with soon-to-be-impressed friends, the music lowers and a helpful voice announces:

"Driver, your oil filter is in need of replacement. Would you like me to remind your mechanic at my next scheduled service?"

or:

"Your kitchen appliances tell me you're low on milk and bread, shall I direct you to a nearby store?"

or:

"Martin Scorsese has emailed you asking for directing tips again. Would you like me to draft a reply based on the notes you sent him last time?"

The answer to such questions could be whatever, because the voice would come back after a few seconds and say something generic (in most cases) like "OK, understood" or "I will comply".

What other messages would impress?
-- not_only_but_also, Nov 23 2003

Knight Rider -- the TV series http://www.buyersml...ericantv/knight.htm
KITT was no ordinary car... it was a transam that could talk. [not_only_but_also, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Audio samples to get you started. http://www.matt-hom...ounds/eighties.html
You're in luck today. This list includes The A-Team, and Dukes of Hazard! [Amos Kito, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

why knight rider was cancelled http://www.stupidst...ption/contest30.htm
knight rider sucked [renegademonk, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

What does KITT stand for? [added] </revealing cultural deficiency>
-- Detly, Nov 23 2003

"I am now arming laser cannons... and by the way, this David Hasselhoff song was #1 in Germany for 12 straight weeks."
-- wombat, Nov 23 2003

Brilliant! I love this.
-- bobtherat, Nov 23 2003

[Detly] KITT, as in knight rider.

I'd like my car to say, "You're driving too fast, Michael. Wait a minute...you're not Michael!"
-- Overpanic, Nov 23 2003

"What are you doing dave?"
-- sporn, Nov 24 2003

[Benfrost] You didn't have to answer, you know. You're not called Dave. Somehow, I am not at all surprised by your answer though.
-- squeak, Nov 24 2003

KITT stood for Knight Industry Two Thousand...and sounded gay.
-- Toffee, Nov 24 2003

And Germany is otherwise a relatively cool place. Go figure.

When the show came out, Pontiac got repeated inquiries as to when they could get the 'K.I.T.T. option.'

The little flashing LEDs have been around for ages. Not as tacky as the blinking hearts, but still...

I'll give a croissant as long as the LEDs are not included.
-- PauloSargaco, Nov 24 2003

Can it please say "That parallell parking manouvre you just did wasn't anything *like* as good as the one you did yesterday when you expertly backed into that tiny space first time with only an inch of room at either end and left the car a half inch from the kerb when there was no one else in the car or even walking by to observe your skills and applaud, Squeak", huh? Cannit, cannit?

No one ever believes me.
-- squeak, Nov 24 2003

I believe you, [squeak] ... like how I believe I'm gonna marry Abe Lincoln :P
-- Letsbuildafort, Nov 24 2003

I had a 'fake KITT.' It was an '87 Chrysler New Yorker my grandfather gave me & my brothers when he bought an Intrepid in '99. Damned thing wouldn't shut up - but the day it said 'your engine is overheating' I was pretty pleased to hear it (in one way) - tho I did wish it had sounded more like Spock when he mentions engines superheating (two episodes, I think... Corbomite Manoeuver and Mudd's Women...?) - and like KITT the ol' Chrysler had a digital display and 'turbo' (not 'boost,' but I think we did catch air once or twice with the wee beastie). Can't find a decent link (only pics are no longer available) - but you'll have to trust me.

BTW, building on your half-baked idea I could make a quarter-baked one and suggest a service that downloads new voices, catchphrases &c to suit the owner. The dull, calm robotic monotone of mine got grating after a while - but imagine how less so it might have been to hear the voice of, say, Jar Jar Binks....
-- waistcoat, Nov 24 2003

Excellent. One bunoid object coming up.

Rather than re-recording CDs, how about lashing a walkman under the dash, wired into the car's stereo; when activated, it mutes whatever's playing, CD or radio. You can record all the softly-voiced comments on a standard cassette, with a merry electronic 'pling' to mark the beginning and end of each comment. Foot tap on a secret switch by the dead pedal runs the next track. Simply bakeable, and guaranteed to impress.
-- phlogiston, Nov 24 2003

//...and sounded gay.//

For those who didn't grow up in the early eighties, but rather in the nineties, the actor who voiced "K.I.T.T." may be better known today as "Mister Feeney" from "Boy Meets World".
-- Freefall, Nov 24 2003

Hmmm... I hadn't even thought about different accents!

"Capn', she ken take noo moore 'o' this!!"
-- not_only_but_also, Nov 26 2003

//...and sounded gay.//

This is an understatement.

Think about it: "Your door is ajar", "Your oil needs changing", "Your underpants are wedged between your ass cheeks." Having a car tell you something obvious like this is gay. Having a car that talks in Star Trek language might impress someone who we would have, in the eighties, called a dweeb.

Maybe it could be a cool voice, suggesting some music, then playing it on the stereo, or supposedly accessing GPS information, then giving dubious anecdotal information about the neighborhood you are in. Please... I'm sorry... anything but Knight Rider... can't... take much... more...
-- xrayTed, Nov 26 2003

Can we have one with KARR's voice instead? Make 'em all worry.
-- RayfordSteele, Nov 26 2003

random, halfbakery