Take several tissue samples from yourself, including mammary, salivary and sebaceous secretory cells, various endocrine glands and of course muscle and bone marrow. Grow them in several vats where the nutrition is provided by the likes of urine, water, sugar and plasma, the inputs to the system being largely from your own body. In some cases, literally feed the system using blue green algae and yeast, broken down using bits grown from your digestive system. Take the outputs from this system as food, particularly from the muscles and mammary tissue, as follows:
Conventional meat from muscles. Dairy from mammary tissue, stimulated by prolactin secreted by cells deliberately forced beyond the Hayflick limit to become cancerous, secreting the appropriate hormone. It would not be feasible to make bovine-style dairy products such as cheese or butter from this, but it would at least provide milk and you could still make gulab jamun or pendas with it. A butter-like substance could, however, be derived from sebaceous tissue, which could also be used for frying, though it would be quite high in trans. Adipose tissue would also be able to provide this - extra use for liposuction too. Suet and so on from this.
Black puddings from blood, obviously.
Water from salivary glands. Salt from plasma and actually a whole load of other things.
Glucose from almost anywhere.
In terms of nutrients:
Protein: from muscle. Lipids: sebum, milk and fat. Vitamin A: liver. B vitamins: cultured intestinal bacteria, possibly even cyanocobalamin. Vitamin C: totally unavailable, unfortunately. Vitamin D: Not needed, but could be gotten from tanning lamps on skin cells maybe. Vitamin E: Not really needed as such - other antioxidants can substitute. Vitamin K: Gut flora again. Calcium: Milk and bone. Iron: Blood and muscle. Major electrolytes: Everywhere. Various other minerals from their own sites in the body, e.g. zinc from eyes or testicles.
It's not total self-sufficiency because various things are not provided and you would have to put some stuff into it, but some of that could be your own body fluids. You could finance the rest by turning your home into a sort of roadside museum where you show people round your handiwork and charge for admission. You'd only need to buy a bit of molasses, nigari and sea salt every now and again, plus electricity for photosynthesis lamps.-- nineteenthly, Aug 01 2008 Vegetarian Black Pudding Vegetarian_20Black_20PuddingMake Black Pudding from your own blood [hippo, Aug 01 2008] Stem Cell Steak Stem_20Cell_20Steak [phoenix, Aug 01 2008] Vat Grown Food Vat_20Grown_20Food [phoenix, Aug 01 2008] Survivor Type http://dwalin.ru/bo...urvivor%20Type.htmlCaution: contains yick [calum, Aug 01 2008] Synthetic Men of Mars http://gutenberg.ne...books01/0100231.txtwant to know what happens to the thing from Vat #4? Of course you do! [bungston, Aug 01 2008] Soylent Green http://en.wikipedia.../wiki/Soylent_GreenBy the people, for the people. It's people! [Spacecoyote, Aug 02 2008] For [Spacecoyote] Home_20seaweed_20farmHome seaweed farm [nineteenthly, Aug 03 2008] //You could finance the rest by turning your home into a sort of roadside museum//
Oh no. Not *again* ! I did that for the last hair-brained scheme...-- Jinbish, Aug 01 2008 If I could do that I'd never have to leave home again.-- Noexit, Aug 01 2008 Well, this is it. I'm planning for a situation where i just live in the loft, really.
Thanks for the links. I knew those ideas were out there, but i'm trying to come up with some kind of ultimate synthesis of them. The first one seems to be the same as Magnus Pyke's.
One other thing: there's probably a risk of developing a prion-based disease as a result of this, but seeing as you're just sitting on a sofa stewing in your own juices, the bed sores on your buttocks will probably go gangrenous long before that becomes a problem.-- nineteenthly, Aug 01 2008 Wanna try some of my home made Chili Clone Carne?-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 01 2008 As a cautionary tale, I present this excerpt from Synthetic Men of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
"Something has gone wrong in No. 4 vat room," he said. "Perhaps you had better have a look in there."
When I reached No. 4 the sight that met my eyes was one of the most horrible I have ever looked upon. Something had evidently gone wrong with the culture medium, and instead of individual hormads being formed, there was a single huge mass of animal tissue emerging from the vat and rolling out over the floor.
Various internal and external human parts and organs grew out of it without any relation to other parts, a leg here, a hand there, a head somewhere else; and the heads were mouthing and screaming, which only added to the horror of the scene.
"We tried to do something about it," said the officer, "but when we tried to kill the mess, the hands clutched us and the heads bit us. Even our hormads were afraid to go near it, and if anything is too horrible for them you can't expect human beings to stomach it."
I quite agreed with him. Frankly, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't get near the vat to drain off the culture medium and stop the growth; and with the hormads afraid to approach it, it would be impossible to destroy it.
"Shut the doors and windows," I said. "Eventually it will smother itself or starve to death," but as I was leaving the room I saw one of the heads take a large bite from an adjacent piece of the tissue. At least it wouldn't starve to death.
The scene haunted me for a long time afterward, and I couldn't rid my mind of speculation upon what was transpiring in that chamber of horrors, behind those closed doors and windows.-- bungston, Aug 01 2008 Yes, [bungston], i DO want to know more and thanks for that. As it happened, i did consider the idea of growing a huge germ-cell tumour but rejected it for just this reason. Teratomas sometimes respond to tactile stimulation, and have nerve tissue, which is a risk for mad human disease of course, and what if it turned out to be sentient?
Incidentally, i like the fact this is directly after "airplane food" on the subcategory list.-- nineteenthly, Aug 01 2008 // what if it turned out to be sentient? //
It could always run for President .....-- 8th of 7, Aug 01 2008 I'd rather cut out the middle-me and just eat the blue-green algae if it came to that.
I find the science behind it interesting though so [ ]-- Spacecoyote, Aug 02 2008 Well, see my "home seaweed farm" then.-- nineteenthly, Aug 03 2008 I read that you could live forever by just recycling your wastes. So, why grow more?-- el dueno, Aug 05 2008 ew-- Voice, Aug 05 2008 //ew//
I agree-- Klaatu, Aug 05 2008 /you could live forever by just recycling your wastes/ depends on how large the cycle is .-- wjt, Aug 11 2008 random, halfbakery